My children in the garden.

[C231009]

Hi all, ds and Dd are aged 10 and 5. Both on the spectrum.

I absolutely dread the better weather. It’s a little sunny where I live today so they’ve managed to get into the garden but they are so loud. They don’t seem to have a volume setting just loud 🤣 they end up arguing and shouting at each other too they I end up calling them in. Then they try and talk to all the neighbours - I do discourage this as most neighbours probably don’t want to be bothered.

Instead of using the garden we tend to go out instead but difficult at the minute.

We live on a residential street where lots of households have children but mine seem the loudest.

If you were our neighbour would you get peed off with 2 loud autistic children? Shall I let them play out more? I’m not saying I’m going to let them out for hours on end or at unsociable times but maybe an hour or so a day in the afternoon.

But I just get paranoid that the neighbours will hate us and we will be disturbing them!

My Mum was always paranoid that I was too loud and always apologising to strangers about me. I don't think I was any louder than anyone else really but that it was more about her general feeling of everyone else being better than us and their needs more important. It has really affected me to this day. I don't have kids but when I hear kids playing outside it really doesn't bother me at all (unlike most other noises that irritate me). It actually makes me smile to hear them enjoying themselves. I mean this in the kindest possible way but perhaps this is about you and not your kids. I get it. I am still absolutely terrified of "putting anyone out" to the point where parties at my house are no fun as I am constantly stressed and shushing everyone (just like my Mum did with us when we were playing).
Maybe you could accept that if people have a problem they will tell you? You are assuming your kids are a problem to your neighbours but is that based on anything? I love it when my neighbours' kids interact with me as it makes me feel part of the community.

It wouldn't bother me. I'd happily chat with your sons.

Gardens are for children to play in. As long as its not too early or too late and they aren't screamers then let them play. Usually the adults shouting instructions down the garden to the children is far more annoying. Talking through the fence to neighbours is fine, just don't let your children climb on the fence to stare at or talk to the neighbours! (From experience of SEN child next door)

Pre DC I would have been annoyed
Now I have DC, I don't even notice it! As long as it isn't before say 9am or after 8pm (which I'm sure it wouldn't be)
Everyone should be a bit more accepting of children at the moment. Poor little things are having a shite time of it

Awww I wouldn’t mind at all kids have to let off steam it’s not natural for kids to be quiet specially in the garden and I’d be happy to chat as well x

I’d like it. I love children and particularly autistic children like my son.

We have a neighbour with a 7 year old who shouts and screams a lot.

It is amazing how easy it is to tune out when it isnt one of mine

The kids drive me mad round here, some are louder than others but they're all pretty noisy. I wouldn't have it any other way, we all make noise/annoy the neighbours somehow or other, as long as you're reasonably considerate around times, stepping in if it gets too loud etc I think it comes under 'reasonable living noise'. That said I do live in a fairly noisy street (lots of kids, dogs and people who like music ) so maybe I've become a bit immune

At loud volume, and arguing? Tbh, I wouldn't like loud screaming, shouting, and shrieking, but I'd accept that they have a right to use their garden, so I'd probably just try to stay inside while they were playing and hope that it wasn't all day long. I'd wish they weren't so loud, though, and wonder if it was truly impossible to moderate their volume.

Let them play! Our next door neighbour has an autistic child and she screams and talks to herself. It doesn't bother anyone at all and everyone understands. Her mum is a very popular neighbour on our small road.

My grandparents also used to live next door to a severely autistic child and he used to cry very loudly all day long. So what? My grandparents very much sympathised with their neighbours and were on good terms with them.

Let your kids use their own garden please

They are just being kids.

Why not talk to your neighbours about it? Some lonely isolated neighbours might really enjoy talking to your children; it would benefit the neighbours and your children

No. I like it actually. My DC are teens and adults and I miss them being small sometimes.

We had a ndn who recently moved. Her DC were in the garden all summer. I had some good chuckles at some of the things I heard.

Constant loud noise, especially screaming/. squealing/ shouting, or relentlessly banging a ball against the fence is a complete fucking nuisance. Conversely children playing at moderate volume and laughing is actually rather lovely.

I have 2 sets of neighbours. One set have 2 children who are rarely heard at all (ages 8-11 at a guess) although the other week when we had snow they were out in the garden laughing and playing and it was nice to hear.

My other neighbours are arseholes and are raising their super noisy kids to be the same. It's constant screaming and I have never once heard the parents tell them to be quiet (or indeed tell them off to full stop, which is probably why they are so badly behaved.

I appreciate the OPs DC have additional needs, and in a situation like that I hope I'd be more tolerant than I am of my neighbours children, but I would still be irritated by it if I'm honest.

I wouldn’t care also it’s only temporary and when they are back at school those who are able to just potter about in the garden all day can go back to doing so in silence, apart from the weekends then it is on! 😂

I can't say I'd like the noise, but if it's not too early or late and not ridiculously loud (e.g. I could sit in my garden and not have to go indoors to get peace, or be able to watch TV indoors without it being drowned out),I wouldn't mind too much.
Although I'm also autistic and struggle with social situations, so I would be extremely uncomfortable if they tried to talk to me, but that won't be an overly common issue I'd imagine!

I enjoy listening to the sound of children playing. They'll probably settle down a little bit when they get outside more (or is that wishful thinking?)

OP you know what most right minded people do when kids are out playing in their gardens? We smile say hi give them a wave chat a bit and when we have had enough we open our books/phones whatever with our ear phones in and all is well with the world.There are millions of us who take not a blind bit of notice....you are going to worry yourself sick if you dont let it go a bit.Kids are kids regardless let them play have fun enjoy themselves and so should you.Grab a wine and have fun with them too...

It's like a morgue round here right now, I would be very happy to eat people going about their business and children playing out.

My neighbours kids are quiet but they stare and stare, I’d prefer if they were being rowdy.

I would chat to your neighbours, give them your number. Explain if the kids get too loud to give you a text and you'll bring them in for time out. I don't think anyone could get arsey with that. Kids need to be outside and the lovely British weather doesn't allow for it that much, in the winter .

Hello, I wouldn't mind hearing LOs playing in the garden at all. There is nothing nicer that hearing children laughing and playing. I would be happy to chat across the fence with your DC too.

Let them out, at sociable times and perhaps on a regular schedule. Shouting is fine, but I would discourage outright screaming or loud swearing. Sure you might not always eliminate it completely, people understand that.

I say this as a mother of an autistic child, just because they are on the spectrum doesn't mean that you can't teach them to be reasonable in noise levels. There are circumstances where children (or adults) with learning disabilities do not have capacity to understand to keep the noise down a bit but the vast majority of autistic children are capable - my dd knew if she misbehaved she had to come in and she loved being outside (her dsis is "normal" but not adverse to screaming matches!)

Of course only you know what you mean by loud - kids make noise that's fine, two kids screaming so loudly all day long that neighbours can't ever use their garden or have windows open obviously is different. I love the sound of children playing, I would simply bring them in if the decibels reach too high!

I used to love living next to an infants school and hearing the children playing and singing. When I moved my ndn had four children who played in the garden whilst shouting and swearing (the type of swear words I keep for best) at each other. I think my point is that it really depends what the noise is doesn't it.

Thanks all. They just talk very loud and often raise their voices. They end up bickering but it isn’t full blown screaming at each other.

I don’t mind children playing in the garden at all around here. But I feel mine are louder than most!

My neighbour on one side is out most of the day so not bothering him unless it’s the weekend but I think he works most days anyway. The other side have kids that seem so angelic compared to mine. They are aware and seem quite nice.

There’s a couple with no children behind me. I worry we pee them off! Never had chance to speak to them. They moved in during lockdown 1 and never crossed paths!