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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To reduce grandparents contact?

99 replies

Hard2Find · 21/02/2021 10:32

Our dd (7 months old) adores her grandparents on my side. She gets so excited when she sees them and typically sees them on a regular basis. I recently found out that they are considering moving across the world soon for a job opportunity. We would be lucky to see them in person once a year if they do move. Would IBU to start reducing contact now? I don't want dd to continue to grow her attachment for them to just disappear.

OP posts:

Ace1185 · 21/02/2021 11:47

Disgusting attitude

DottyFlossie · 21/02/2021 11:47

I wouldn't reduce contact.

peboh · 21/02/2021 11:47

You would be being totally unreasonable. What a silly question.

nancywhitehead · 21/02/2021 11:51

They are considering it - so it's not actually decided yet? I don't know why you'd reduce contact anyway but especially not if they don't even know whether they are going!

If they do go then they will probably want to see their grandaughter as much as possible before they leave. Why would you deny that to them or your grandaughter?

It's a very odd way to live, so try not to build relationships just in case they become tenuous in the future. You can't protect your daughter from ever losing anybody. Anyway, if they see your grandaughter once a year they will still have a relationship - it's not like they won't be there at all.

I think YABVU and actually a bit silly.

TomHardyAndMe · 21/02/2021 11:53

@rachie28

For everyone saying she is being unreasonable, you haven't lived it! I have and they only went for 6months! The nightly question on where Nannie and grandad were and when they would be home was sometime heartbreaking. My daughter did get used to it and the question stopped, but it was hard for a few months. If ur child see them more then 4 times per week think about reducing it as this was our problem, going from 4 to nothing was heartbreaking for my child, and I will be doing it differently next time.

OP’s baby is 7 months old.

ChronicallyCurious · 21/02/2021 11:54

YABU

NoCherryNoDeal · 21/02/2021 11:55

@theonlywayisup33

Interesting that you have not referred to them as your parents.
You need to continue to build the relationship with them. With Whats app video calls etc, they won't seem so far away.

Good point. Reverse?

Motnight · 21/02/2021 11:56

What's the back story here?

Oysterbabe · 21/02/2021 11:57

My 3 and 5 year old have had mostly zoom call contact with their grandparents for the last year and it's been fine.

Bumblebee1980a · 21/02/2021 11:57

Really? If you're being serious than no I don't t think you should reduce contact.

If anything see them more and build a firmer foundation for their relationship to continue long distance.

I understand you're upset but don't punish them. You might not even believe you are but if you dig a little deeper you might realise your real
motives...

MoonMallow · 21/02/2021 11:59

Sounds like you're angry with them for moving and you want to punish them

OldEvilOwl · 21/02/2021 12:00

YABVU

Krankie · 21/02/2021 12:02

If it’s the case you see them regularly and use them for childcare then you might want to work out a new routine so that everyone gets used to the new arrangement and you can find an alternative childcare provider (only once it’s confirmed they’re actually moving).

I’d be annoyed too, especially after what has happened the past year, nobody knows if and when flights/travel will return to normal. Popping abroad several times a year for visits may never be the norm again, or at least not for some time.

It’s really sad, and they absolutely won’t have the same relationship.. but as others said, don’t use your DC as a weapon.

nimbuscloud · 21/02/2021 12:03

Yes. This is a mad idea

MMMarmite · 21/02/2021 12:04

On the face of it, YABsoU. Are there other issues in your relationship with them that are making you want to behave like this?

Assuming they are decent people, your dd will benefit from a close relationship with them. You need to take the long view. The move (if it even happens) may not be permanent. And even if it is, having loving, interested grandparents, even if she can only physically see them once a year, will shape your daughter's future for the better. My grandparents were not local, but as an older child I loved going to stay with them, and used to live getting letters in the post from my gran - so exciting as a child to have a letter just for you.

Build a strong foundation now, and support the relationship in the future whatever form it takes.

Crinkle77 · 21/02/2021 12:06

That is absolutely bonkers! I don't know what else to say.

madnessitellyou · 21/02/2021 12:07

My grandparents lived 1000s of miles away. This was all pre social media and indeed widespread use of the Internet and yet I had a really close relationship with them.

Sounds to me like someone is peeved that the babysitters/free childcare might be disappearing.

Kitkat151 · 21/02/2021 12:09

It sounds like you are wanting to punish your parents for moving away..... you sound let a petulant teenager..... grow up

cerisecherries · 21/02/2021 12:10

So how does that work out then in the end? You don't see them ever in case she has too much of a nice time? They never develop any sort of relationship just so that it doesn't cause her distress? There has to be more to it than this. It sounds like you want to punish them, but you'll be punishing your child too.

ooohbriefcase · 21/02/2021 12:10

I can sort of see what you mean...a little bit but the effect would have so little theres not really much point.

Your post might as well say,
My DC's grandparents are moving away, so far that we will only see them once a year if we're lucky. Should I just reduce the little regular time we have left with them now.

Not worth it.

NoSausageRoll · 21/02/2021 12:16

At 7 months she wont’t care either way, but there’s nothing to be gained from reducing contact.

PyjamaShark · 21/02/2021 12:18

The way it's phrased, not saying "my parents", makes me wonder if this is a reverse.

littlepattilou · 21/02/2021 12:23

@Kitkat151

It sounds like you are wanting to punish your parents for moving away..... you sound let a petulant teenager..... grow up

littlepattilou · 21/02/2021 12:24

@Kitkat151

It sounds like you are wanting to punish your parents for moving away..... you sound let a petulant teenager..... grow up

Oly4 · 21/02/2021 12:25

Why on earth would you do that? To punish your parents?

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