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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To reduce grandparents contact?

99 replies

Hard2Find · 21/02/2021 10:32

Our dd (7 months old) adores her grandparents on my side. She gets so excited when she sees them and typically sees them on a regular basis. I recently found out that they are considering moving across the world soon for a job opportunity. We would be lucky to see them in person once a year if they do move. Would IBU to start reducing contact now? I don't want dd to continue to grow her attachment for them to just disappear.

OP posts:

NoCherryNoDeal · 21/02/2021 11:09

They've raised their kids and now have a great opportunity. Don't punish them for it, OP.

LizzieBirmingham · 21/02/2021 11:09

You clearly want to punish them for moving. Don’t do it.

Pebbledashery · 21/02/2021 11:10

I would thought you'd seize the opportunity to increase contact. How very mean to even contemplate reducing contact if she adores them. Do you not care about their bond?

OverTheRainbow88 · 21/02/2021 11:13

I wouldn’t, they can still FaceTime etc, also 7 months old are very adaptable

Dryshampooandcoffee · 21/02/2021 11:14

I would squeeze in as many visits as possible, take as many pictures, soak in every moment. It will mean a lot to your parents and your daughter to have those, and eventually I think you will feel glad that you spent that time with them, even if you feel resentful of the situation at the moment.

mrsbitaly · 21/02/2021 11:15

Wow some people are horrid. They asked for advice not to be made to feel like crap. They were quite obviously not wanting their child to be upset with the move.

I would let your little one still see their grandparents as normal. It is unlikely she will be too affected by the move. What a shame all round, at least she will have lovely holidays to look forward to in the future. I wish you all the best :-)

R2221 · 21/02/2021 11:19

Looks like you don’t want them to move away. Do you use them for childcare? Nice people don’t look for ways to punish others for making their own choices. Narcissists do.

We moved abroad with our 1yr old son. He was very attached to my parents. We just continued video calling etc and he was totally fine!

Now stop being ridiculous and let your parents enjoy their life!

Oysterbabe · 21/02/2021 11:22

I'm annoyed my parents are moving away. Would I be unreasonable to have a ridiculous childish tantrum and punish them by reducing contact with their grandchild?

Fixed that for you.

DamsonDress · 21/02/2021 11:23

No, let them spend as much time together while they can.

Even after they move they'll be able to keep in contact and have a lovely relationship.

fabulousathome · 21/02/2021 11:24

It's sad but they are only "thinking of moving away". They might not go or it might be for a year or two only.

Please don't reduce contact. You might well regret it.

rachie28 · 21/02/2021 11:25

For everyone saying she is being unreasonable, you haven't lived it! I have and they only went for 6months! The nightly question on where Nannie and grandad were and when they would be home was sometime heartbreaking. My daughter did get used to it and the question stopped, but it was hard for a few months. If ur child see them more then 4 times per week think about reducing it as this was our problem, going from 4 to nothing was heartbreaking for my child, and I will be doing it differently next time.

Foldinthecheese · 21/02/2021 11:25

We live in a different country to my parents. My children are five and two and we FaceTime every week. The two-year-old has only met them in person once, but still recognises and chats to them. They all have a lovely relationship. I wish we could see them more often, but this is the way it is at the moment. Do your best to continue to foster a close relationship, regardless of the circumstances.

Disfordarkchocolate · 21/02/2021 11:26

Well it's not what I'd do but then I'm a grandma who rarely physically sees her granddaughter and knows it's still possible to have a deep and loving bond.

TomHardyAndMe · 21/02/2021 11:27

@JemimaTiggywinkle

I would be upset if my parents were considering moving across the world when I’d just had my first child and I needed their support/wanted them to want to be around.

If this is what you mean, just say it...

Mine went almost the minute I told them I was pregnant. No way did I want them to miss the opportunity.

Once DD arrived they FaceTimed several times a week and came home 5-6 times a year. (UAE bank holiday weekends etc). They came back when DD was 18 months old and she has a wonderful bond with them, staying in the house they bought with the money gained by working away.

NewScone · 21/02/2021 11:33

How regular is regular? If its more than once a week then I could see an argument for reducing it to once a week ONCE they have confirmed they are going.

WorraLiberty · 21/02/2021 11:34

Oh don't be silly.

I get that you're feeling hurt, but don't try to punish them. Pull your big girl's pants on and think of a way to deal with it.

Your baby will get used to seeing her grandparents on a screen and that will completely become her 'normal'.

NoCherryNoDeal · 21/02/2021 11:35

Also, you never know, they may hate it or get home sick and come back.

Don't burn your bridges!

RelaisBlu · 21/02/2021 11:38

OP my 3DDs moved several times during the first 10 years of their childhoods between the two countries where their different sets of grandparents lived, seeing a lot of one side of the family then the other.
They took it in their stride.

theonlywayisup33 · 21/02/2021 11:38

Interesting that you have not referred to them as your parents.
You need to continue to build the relationship with them. With Whats app video calls etc, they won't seem so far away.

RelaisBlu · 21/02/2021 11:40

And this was many years ago, before Facetime etc, which makes contact so much easier now

Chickychickydodah · 21/02/2021 11:43

She won’t remember them when they’ve gone, let her have the love attention now .

FilthyforFirth · 21/02/2021 11:44

How odd all around. Especially not referring to them as your parents. Like others I am assuming you are pissed they are moving (I would be to be fair) and using your child as indirect punishment (I wouldn't).

Purplecatshopaholic · 21/02/2021 11:44

You know you are being unreasonable. I take it you don't want them to go, and this is one way of passively aggressively showing it... just tell them how you feel, don't punish them and your daughter for it..

giletrouge · 21/02/2021 11:45

Are you really angry with them OP? Is it just because they're thinking of moving or is there more to it?

imalmostthere · 21/02/2021 11:46

Don't use your child as a weapon again your parents.

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