DH and his phone

[Seeleyboo]

To start off with, I have to say my DH is wonderful. I cannot fault him in any way shape or form yadda yadda. However, he is very touchy over his phone. In the past I have innocently picked it up in front of him and said something like.....can I just look at the internet quickly etc, my daugher may be playing on mine. He then gets edgy and won't allow me to look alone.

Now last night it came to a head. I picked it up and was about to say, can I check the news a moment but he grabbed it from me. I questioned him and we have a heated discussion and I know he tried to gas light me and turn it around. He asked why I don't trust him. I said I never said I didn't trust you but your reaction is over the phone are ridiculous. So my question is, AIBU to persue this or should I drop it.

Three times in very recent times would make me suspicious that you were wanting to snoop, particularly if you have never asked before tbh.

I am possessive over my phone though, and I would never ask to use DPs just because it's more convenient. We never have. Mind you, I am also funny about other people doing things with my car and need to have "personal space" in a relationship.

There’s no great intrigue in my life, but still I confide in my friends about things that I don’t want shared with their husbands. Being a trusted confidante is one of the tenets of friendship, surely.

I would never assume a friend didn't tell their partner, even if they said they wouldn't. I would be absolutely livid if my DH told a friend something I had told them, and pretty unsurprised if a friend told their DP something I had told them.

[quote Seeleyboo]@mrswooster thank you. I wasn't snooping or going through anything. I've always asked and not grabbed. Only ever asked 3 times in very recent times. [/quote]
Maybe he's defensive because you've never asked before, and you've now asked three times in fairly quick succession?

If that were me, I would be wondering why DH was suddenly so keen to go on my phone when he'd never, ever asked before.

OP, you know in your gut that this isn’t right.

He isn’t trying to stop you sharing his phone - he is trying to stop you seeing what he does on it. So the question is - what does he do on it?

Even though I wouldn't especially want my DH looking through my private bits, I would never grab it off him, I think thats a rather telling overreaction.

He may be protecting someone else's privacy, rather than his own. He may be involved in sensitive conversations with friends.

He may just not want anyone else on his phone. No is a complete sentence.

I would think it was porn, and he wouldn't want you to see exactly what he is watching.

My guess is either he doesn't want you to know he's a regular NetHuns poster or he doesn't want you to find out about his "how to massage your own prostate with kitchen implements" Google search

I find this strange. If dh’s phone is on charge and he wanted to use mine I would have no issue with him using mine. He wouldn’t mind me using his either. It wouldn’t occur to either of us that there was a lack of trust, and I would suggest that the lack of trust is with him in assuming that you are lying about your intentions. There is something amiss here and I would definitely think your dh has something to hide. Can you get hold of his phone bill?

His reaction is massively over the top and I would presume there is something on there he doesn’t want you to see. It’s not like he caught you going through it, you just picked it up to go on the news?

This I don't mind my dh ASKING to borrow my phone, but I would be very pissed off if he just kept picking it up to use it. I think there's a difference. I wouldn't just use his without his consent either.

My phone is very much a part of me, you know how you personalise the keyboard, have a certain lock screen photo etc. My DH has no reason to use it unless I can’t figure something out and he can usually resolve an issue.

Tell him to go incognito when watching porn. 🙄

In seriousness, no one touches my phone. I'm not cheating but there is search history (not porn), photos and conversations on there which are all personal.

Perhaps he knows you look at Mumsnet and so checking his phone is a massive sign that you don't trust him and suspect him of having affairs. The excuse of I only need a quick check as DD is using mine is a fairly standard sort of excuse rolled out for the suspicious wife to use to gain access.

He thinks you don't trust him and are checking up.

Get you DD her own device.

I don't think he is being unreasonable. Like a lot of previous posters, I don't like my phone being touched, it's mine! My husband and his phone is the same. There's nothing shady in it, it is just that we both deserve our privacy (confidential conversations with friends etc)

His reaction is strange. If he'd said "I dont want to share, dave sometimes sends me personal messages" fair enough. But why jump to "you dont trust me". That line would be enough to set alarm bells ringing.

Has he ever given you reason not to trust him?

How are you today op ?

This Key & Peele skit sums it up so well!