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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Refusing to meet up with a vaccine refuser?

145 replies

BlueSoop · 20/02/2021 10:27

MIL has been offered a vaccine appointment. MIL’s cohabiting partner has refused the vaccine. Myself, DH and DC have not yet been vaccinated.

This morning MIL has read the news about family meet-ups possibly being allowed by Easter and wants to make a plan. It’s possible that DH and I may have had our first jab by then.

WIBU to say I don’t want to meet up with a vaccine refuser? Close contact with a vaccine refuser is introducing a risk into our family that wouldn’t otherwise be present. Plus he’s trying to talk MIL out of having the vaccine so if that happens I won’t want to meet up with her either.

OP posts:
SchrodingersImmigrant · 20/02/2021 12:11

@BlueSoop

What reason is the stupid git he giving for refusing the vaccine? He thinks it’s dangerous because it’s been developed too quickly, and also thinks lizard people are trying to put computer chips in his arm, and Bill Gates created Covid to control the world, etc.
Well that second part by itself is enough for me to not want to meet up with that person. If they had some worries like "I react badly to some medicine so am worried" fine, but this is a no.
FloconDeNeige · 20/02/2021 12:13

Of course you’re not being unreasonable! I wouldn’t be mixing with the selfish thicko either.

VettiyaIruken · 20/02/2021 12:15

I think there's nothing wrong with waiting until you have all had your vaccinations. If he doesn't want to, that's his problem but you'll feel more at ease when you have had the jabs.

Coyoacan · 20/02/2021 12:23

He thinks it’s dangerous because it’s been developed too quickly

All these vaccines are only approved for emergency use so it is very important to report any adverse effects to the medical authorities.

There is a danger with them, obviously, and people are entitled to make decisions about whether or not to expose themselves to that danger or take their chances with covid. I personally think that covid is more dangerous but anyone denying the risks involved is mad.

BeakyWinder · 20/02/2021 12:27

Do you plan to extend this rule to people who don't have the flu jab too?

Chickychoccyegg · 20/02/2021 12:28

You can still catch it just as easily if you've had the vaccine, it just hopefully lessons your symptoms, my mil has had both dises of vaccine, but currently has covid, she works in a hospital, so chances are she got it there.
It won't make any difference to you if he doesn't get the vaccine, the risk is to himself.

DGRossetti · 20/02/2021 12:29

Out of interest, how would you know how anybody has had the vaccine or not ?

There might be some jolly unsporting types out there who ... (whispers) ... lie !!!!!

TheGoogleMum · 20/02/2021 12:29

Yanbu. Vaccine refusers are selfish and need to suck it up frankly

SaltyTootsieToes · 20/02/2021 12:40

YANBU

Also, keep in mind that having had only one of the two required vaccinations gives very little protection. Stressing this as had a relative die of covid yesterday a few weeks after having one injection. Somehow people forget it’s a two part vaccine and dies not give 100% protection

The MIL DP should be avoided particularly and MIL if she’s not fully vaccinated and able to keep socially distance outdoor

PurpleDaisies · 20/02/2021 12:41

Also, keep in mind that having had only one of the two required vaccinations gives very little protection

This is nonsense. Pfizer jan after three weeks gets 85% efficacy.

katy1213 · 20/02/2021 12:50

Do you refuse to socialise with people who haven't had vaccines for other diseases, or whose immunity will have long ago expired? Would you even be aware of this?
You're wildly over-reacting - but it's up to you. As, of course, it's up to him. Just don't start whinging about kids missing their granny!

lunar1 · 20/02/2021 13:05

Luckily all our close family and friends will have the vaccine. Everyone that can have it needs to do their bit, the people who refuse are helping prolong the pandemic.

In the future more will be understood about the virus and treating it and our NHS staff won't be on their knees with exhaustion.

When it becomes a manageable virus then I won't worry about who has or hasn't had the vaccine. For now, as we start to come out of restrictions my time and money will be spent where people are pro vaccine and my children will continue to wear masks when they return to school.

Somethingsnappy · 20/02/2021 13:28

@millymollymoomoo

Utterly ridiculous and complete hysterics Can’t believe what we’ve become
I agree!
acrossthebrooklynbridge · 20/02/2021 13:35

WIBU to say I don’t want to meet up with a vaccine refuser?

Firstly as my husband is CEV we have been shielding as a family since last March, and as per the rules will be continuing to do so until at least April. However:

WIBU to say I don’t want to meet up with a vaccine refuser?

Can you tell me, OP, how you can avoid meeting with a vaccine refuser. When your children go back to school how can you assure yourself their teacher, the TAs, the other members of staff, the parents of the other children and so on, have not refused a vaccine. You say you will not meet up with your MIL's partner, but what about a teacher who is in close contact with your child for perhaps 30 hours a week indoors and in close proximity (much more I assume than a meeting with grandparents would be)? I would be truly interested to know how you will know whether someone in close contact with you has had the vaccine. And what about the people who CANNOT have it - pregnant or breast feeding women, someone with an allergy to one of the ingredients in the vaccine? Because to my mind this is all impossible for you to police.

Champagneandmonstermunch · 20/02/2021 14:40

This is bonkers, are people planning to avoid their own DC, who won't be vaccinated any time soon?

OverTheRainbow88 · 20/02/2021 14:45

@Hwory

How will you know?

SheCannaeTakeNoMoreCapt · 20/02/2021 14:48

You are being utterly ridiculous. HTH

No she isn't.

Personally I wouldn't be meeting up with him because vaccine refusers are complete dickheads and life is too short to spend time with wankers like that. Anyone who won't do something so simple to get us all out of this mess (without a sensible reason) is not someone I want to be around. Fuck them.

SheCannaeTakeNoMoreCapt · 20/02/2021 14:49

You say you will not meet up with your MIL's partner, but what about a teacher who is in close contact with your child for perhaps 30 hours a week indoors and in close proximity (much more I assume than a meeting with grandparents would be)? I would be truly interested to know how you will know whether someone in close contact with you has had the vaccine

Way to miss the point. I don't know from looking at people who is a paedophile, but once I do know one, I will certainly be staying well away from them.
Also I would hope a vaccine refusing teacher wouldn't be allowed in classes of 30 kids.

OverTheRainbow88 · 20/02/2021 14:53

I can’t believe a vaccine refuser is being likened to a paedophile

MyLittleOrangutan · 20/02/2021 14:53

A "vaccine refuser" Grin

We told PIL we wouldn't be able to see them soon after our baby was born because we'd be a risk to them and we didn't want our baby to lose their grandparents by visiting them. But it sounds like you're doing it just to spite him tbh. Are you actually worried about the risk to him or do you just want to make him feel shit for a decision that her has every right to make?

KatieB55 · 20/02/2021 16:36

Ridiculous!
The vaccine doesn't prevent you getting or transmitting Covid and it is not 100% effective. You can choose to take the vaccine to try & reduce your chance of complications.

FTMF30 · 20/02/2021 16:51

@SheCannaeTakeNoMoreCapt

You say you will not meet up with your MIL's partner, but what about a teacher who is in close contact with your child for perhaps 30 hours a week indoors and in close proximity (much more I assume than a meeting with grandparents would be)? I would be truly interested to know how you will know whether someone in close contact with you has had the vaccine

Way to miss the point. I don't know from looking at people who is a paedophile, but once I do know one, I will certainly be staying well away from them.
Also I would hope a vaccine refusing teacher wouldn't be allowed in classes of 30 kids.

What a moronic statement.
gamerchick · 20/02/2021 16:54

@letthemwonderhowwegotthisfar

My MIL, under normal circumstances, has always refused the flu vaccine as it makes her feel dreadful (she’s taken both flu and Covid vaccines this year) and I’ve never considered not meeting her. I don’t get the flu vaccine because I’m still too young to be called for it
You do know you can walk into any chemist and get the flu jab don't you?
Timbucktime · 20/02/2021 16:56

I think you’ve lost the plot some what

NeedToGetOuttaHere · 20/02/2021 17:02

Today I found out we have a refuser in our family and it did make me think at for example Christmas time for I don’t know if I’d like them to stay over if we’re allowed to do things like that.
I need to give it all some thought.
My DS and I had out vaccine 2 days ago and have both had side effects of it , particularly my son and when I found out about the anti vaccer I did feel a bit peeved . I know it’s their body, their choice but they are older than me and I thought I’ve had the vaccination to protect myself but mostly to protect the elderly and vulnerable.
The whole issue is very emotive.