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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Refusing to meet up with a vaccine refuser?

145 replies

BlueSoop · 20/02/2021 10:27

MIL has been offered a vaccine appointment. MIL’s cohabiting partner has refused the vaccine. Myself, DH and DC have not yet been vaccinated.

This morning MIL has read the news about family meet-ups possibly being allowed by Easter and wants to make a plan. It’s possible that DH and I may have had our first jab by then.

WIBU to say I don’t want to meet up with a vaccine refuser? Close contact with a vaccine refuser is introducing a risk into our family that wouldn’t otherwise be present. Plus he’s trying to talk MIL out of having the vaccine so if that happens I won’t want to meet up with her either.

OP posts:
Thebig3 · 20/02/2021 11:07

I really don't understand this view that seems to becoming more prevalent! Do you normally ask peoples full medical history before you meet them, will you now do this with anyone you come into contact with?

If you are not vunerable or over a certain age the chances of you becoming seriously ill from covid is extremely low. The recovery rate of covid is very high but unfortunately the media focus on death rates everyday instead of also telling you how many people recovered from covid that day. It has turned us into a society of people who believe we are risking our life's everytime we come into contact with someone who hasn't had the vaccine!

NiceViper · 20/02/2021 11:08

Did you refuse to meet them during the summer relaxation of restrictions last year? When no-one was vaccinated?

If so, then yes continue to keep away - and you'll of course be keeping yourself away from everywhere crowded, and all indoors places, as you can't tell by looking which other people have been vaccinated.

But if you did meet others, when household contact is permitted, why would you not do so again?

Original poster
BlueSoop · 20/02/2021 11:09

How?
The jab reduces the chance of catching it. He’s more likely to be infected if he hasn’t been vaccinated.

OP posts:
thepeopleversuswork · 20/02/2021 11:10

Much as I think vaccine refuseniks are misled, your position makes no sense really.

The fact that he's refusing the vaccine doesn't make him inherently more likely to have it than any of the other random people you come into contact with -- and don't forget your kids will be back at school by then. And outdoor contact is very low risk.

I can understand your personal distaste but from a health protection point of view I think your position is a bit nonsensical tbh. And much as I pity your MIL being with a numpty like this, it will inevitably make her life harder if you dig your heels in.

RichardMarxisinnocent · 20/02/2021 11:11

news about family meet-ups possibly being allowed by Easter
Off topic, but where is this news? Presumably it wouldn't just be family meet ups? I usually celebrate Easter with a friend and her family and am desperate to he able to do so this year after missing it last year, and hardly seeing her since March. I'll be a week past vaccine dose 2 by Easter, she probably won't have had either by then but it doesn't bother me. I'm off to google the news!

Lalliella · 20/02/2021 11:12

YANBU at all OP. I personally think that vaccine refusers should be ostracised from society and forced to stay in their homes until the virus has been eradicated. Totally selfish.

Jamboree01 · 20/02/2021 11:12

This!

SarahBellam · 20/02/2021 11:12

I wouldn’t want to meet him, but that’s because he sounds like a prick.

Original poster
BlueSoop · 20/02/2021 11:12

The fact that he's refusing the vaccine doesn't make him inherently more likely to have it than any of the other random people you come into contact with
Of course it does. An unvaccinated person is more likely to be infected than a vaccinated person.

OP posts:
FTMF30 · 20/02/2021 11:12

@Hwory

Me and my kids won't be hanging around anyone refusing to have the vaccine.

If their choice whether to have it but it's my choice what risks I take with myself and my children.

HmmSo you won't be going to work, ot kids going to school? Will never enter a shop, get public transport, etc?
FTMF30 · 20/02/2021 11:14

@BlueSoop

The fact that he's refusing the vaccine doesn't make him inherently more likely to have it than any of the other random people you come into contact with Of course it does. An unvaccinated person is more likely to be infected than a vaccinated person.
PP said "any of the other random people you come into contact with" meaning many people will not be vaccinated. Unless you decide to isolate yourselves from society, you will come into contact with unvaccinated people regularly.
Velvian · 20/02/2021 11:14

Can you say something vague like, "we'll have to see what the vaccine situation is then"

I would be concerned about someone trying to convince my DP's or PILs not have the vaccine. I think it is worth trying to convince her to have the vaccine.

I also do not want to catch Covid, especially not so close to being vaccinated. I don't think it is that silly. I would also wish to avoid somewhere with an outbreak of Norovirus for example. Slightly off topic, but I do hope that something that comes out of this will be people making more effort not to spread nasty viruses to other people.

Original poster
BlueSoop · 20/02/2021 11:16

Unless you decide to isolate yourselves from society, you will come into contact with unvaccinated people regularly
Not close contact as with a family member. Sitting in a cafe 6ft from a vaccine refuser isn’t the same as spending time in their home and eating off their plates.

OP posts:
thepeopleversuswork · 20/02/2021 11:17

@BlueSoop

The fact that he's refusing the vaccine doesn't make him inherently more likely to have it than any of the other random people you come into contact with Of course it does. An unvaccinated person is more likely to be infected than a vaccinated person.
Yes but only assuming all the other people you're in contact with are vaccinated by then, which is very unlikely.

Your kids will be back at school by then: the kids won't have been vaccinated and neither will most of their parents.

If you'd got to the point where 80% of people had had the vaccine your post would make more sense.

But you can't identify everyone you come into contact with who has been vaccinated on sight and you also can't distinguish between those who have not been vaccinated due to sequencing from those who are refuseniks. It makes no sense to exclude someone on the basis of their intent, rather than their inherent risk.

Don't get me wrong, I think he sounds like a dick, but I don't think your approach is very rational.

Ponoka7 · 20/02/2021 11:17

Are any of you at particular risk from Covid? Once you've had the jab it's reduced to no more than a common cold, if that, in people who aren't at risk.

I'm on the shielding list, my DD won't be getting the vaccine. I'll still be seeing her on Mother's day. You're being ridiculous. Unless you made the same stipulation for the flu vaccine.

MrsKJones · 20/02/2021 11:17

@BlueSoop

How? The jab reduces the chance of catching it. He’s more likely to be infected if he hasn’t been vaccinated.
@BlueSoop this is simply not true

Also do you ask everyone you meet if they are up to date with their vaccines (flu, mumps, chickenpox, tetanus etc)? if not why is the covid vaccine any different?

If anyone (other than health professionals) ask me if I have had the vaccine I simply say that it is private medical information, much the same as any medical condition I have or any tablets I take

PhilCornwall1 · 20/02/2021 11:18

@Hwory

Me and my kids won't be hanging around anyone refusing to have the vaccine.

If their choice whether to have it but it's my choice what risks I take with myself and my children.

And how are you going to know they've not had it, if they don't say anything. If asked, people could just say that they've had it.
FTMF30 · 20/02/2021 11:19

@BlueSoop

Unless you decide to isolate yourselves from society, you will come into contact with unvaccinated people regularly Not close contact as with a family member. Sitting in a cafe 6ft from a vaccine refuser isn’t the same as spending time in their home and eating off their plates.
You think 6ft distance is going to be maintained? And you'll be eating from the cafe's plates. Who's to say all those staff will be vaccinated? Will your kids be 6ft away from people at school?
Ponoka7 · 20/02/2021 11:19

"Sitting in a cafe 6ft from a vaccine refuser isn’t the same as spending time in their home and eating off their plates."

We now know that, that depends on ventilation. Have a meet up in the garden, with very briefly in the house and follow hygiene rules.

horridhorrid · 20/02/2021 11:20

What reason is the stupid git he giving for refusing the vaccine?

Original poster
BlueSoop · 20/02/2021 11:20

this is simply not true
Of course it is. Let’s say you’re exposed to Covid. If you’re vaccinated your chance of catching it and bringing it home is much lower compared to if you haven’t been vaccinated.

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 20/02/2021 11:21

Can someone explain the risks to children because the BMA is still of the opinion based on data that chicken pox is more of a risk. You'd think Covid was the first ever communicable disease.

Original poster
BlueSoop · 20/02/2021 11:22

What reason is the stupid git he giving for refusing the vaccine?
He thinks it’s dangerous because it’s been developed too quickly, and also thinks lizard people are trying to put computer chips in his arm, and Bill Gates created Covid to control the world, etc.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 20/02/2021 11:23

@BlueSoop

this is simply not true Of course it is. Let’s say you’re exposed to Covid. If you’re vaccinated your chance of catching it and bringing it home is much lower compared to if you haven’t been vaccinated.
Yes but if community transmission is low then the risk of him being exposed is low. Not everyone who is exposed gets covid anyway.

Whether they’re following the social distancing and hygiene measures is arguably more important.

Ponoka7 · 20/02/2021 11:23

But what risk, asa vaccinated person do you think you have? Are you this careful about other Coronaviruses in regards to your children? Did you shield from chicken pox?

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