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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to enjoy my colleague flirting with me?

87 replies

Pinkairballoon · 19/02/2021 13:24

As the title says really. I’m happily married with two children and have worked in my job for a year. We’re all office based. A new male colleague has arrived three months ago and flirts all day with me and I really enjoy the attention.

I’m quite plain and average so it’s not something that happens to me all the time... or ever! He’s so interested in what I say, buys me little things (coffee on his way in etc) messages on teams all day. He said to the whole office if he won the lottery he’d treat me to my dream holiday but I have to go with him and not my husband and kids. I laugh it off and never encourage him but on some level I really enjoy the attention which I know is shocking as I’m happily married.

Aibu to enjoy this extra attention?

OP posts:
Summersun2020 · 19/02/2021 17:51

I voted YANBU. Everyone enjoys a bit of attention and it can be a nice confidence boost. As long as it goes no further and doesn’t affect your relationship I don’t see the problem

Ivy455 · 19/02/2021 17:53

@Summersun2020

I voted YANBU. Everyone enjoys a bit of attention and it can be a nice confidence boost. As long as it goes no further and doesn’t affect your relationship I don’t see the problem
Pretty much my thoughts.
iPhonie · 19/02/2021 17:54

It’s fine as long as it doesn’t stay into affair territory! I love a bit of flirting in work Grin (fairly average mum of 2) doesn’t happen now I’m WFH!

Calvinlookingforhobbes · 19/02/2021 17:55

So long as it stays harmless YABNU. However, these things often have a habit of escalating.. do you think he knows it’s going no where?

OutingMyself · 19/02/2021 17:55

I think he sounds creepy af and wouldn't encourage it.

LolaSmiles · 19/02/2021 17:56

If it is genuinely harmless banter and you can honestly say you would have no issue with your husband behaving in that way, then YANBU and I think everyone enjoys a bit of attention (unless they're a po-faced mumsnetter who claims thay neither them nor their DH ever notices anyone because they're so unbelievably loved up).

You need to be very self-aware though and mindful that emotional affairs can develop at work. If you find yourself directing too much energy towards this man and/or you start avoiding telling your husband things and/or you feel defensive and seek to minimise the flirting then step back.

Eleganz · 19/02/2021 17:58

Is it something you would be happy with your DH finding out about?

InFiveMins · 19/02/2021 17:58

I think you have to look at your own relationship. You're enjoying this other man's attention. Why is that? Do you not get as much attention from your husband? Are you really that happy in your marriage?

I'd tread carefully OP. It sounds as though you could be on the way to an affair.

LApprentiSorcier · 19/02/2021 17:58

I think you have to imagine how you'd feel if the guy at work were your husband and you were his colleague. Would you be comfortable with the flirting? That's your answer.

halllftheworllldawway · 19/02/2021 18:00

I think YABU.

You only have to ask yourself how you would feel if your husband was lapping up attention like this.

partyatthepalace · 19/02/2021 18:00

As long as it’s just flirtation then fine. Brightens up the day.

MegaClutterSlut · 19/02/2021 18:02

Sorry this has got disaster all wriiten all over it. Highly doubt you'd mind your husband doing the same. You sound like you enjoy it a bit too much and he's coming across creepy

UrAWizHarry · 19/02/2021 18:03

Would you be happy if your husband was behaving this way towards a married woman, or if he was encouraging someone who was being as flirty towards him?

Probably not for most people, I would guess. MN double standards at their finest.

littlepattilou · 19/02/2021 18:05
Biscuit
Eckhart · 19/02/2021 18:05

Have you told your husband? If not, why not?

LolaSmiles · 19/02/2021 18:07

Probably not for most people, I would guess. MN double standards at their finest.
Different people have different lines in their relationship.
For example, DH and I have no issue with friends of the opposite sex or a bit of flirty banter, but I know for some people both of those things would be deal-breakers.

As long as someone can faithfully say they would be fine with their spouse behaving the same then it doesn't matter.

Mockolate · 19/02/2021 18:08

@partyatthepalace

As long as it’s just flirtation then fine. Brightens up the day.
This
strawberrypip · 19/02/2021 18:09

yanbu to feel flattered or to enjoy the attention.

I think you would be unreasonable to actively encourage the flirting though.

Bluntness100 · 19/02/2021 18:11

I also think different peoooe have different lines in the sand, but the question you need to ask is would you be ok with your husband behaving like this with another woman? If the answer is yes, it’s fine, if not, then hmm it’s a bit hypocritical. Not sure you can force yourself to not enjoy it though,,

AmandaHugenkiss · 19/02/2021 18:14

This exactly.

Teddy1970 · 19/02/2021 18:14

Is your colleague married?

AmandaHugenkiss · 19/02/2021 18:15

Oh for f sake. Tried to quote Bluntness and failed.

Essentially if you would be happy for your husband to flirt like this behind your back, then it’s fine. If not, nip this in the bud.

FangsForTheMemory · 19/02/2021 18:15

If your husband was behaving in the same way to a female colleague, would you be ok with it?

BenoneBeauty · 19/02/2021 18:16

@Bluntness100

I also think different peoooe have different lines in the sand, but the question you need to ask is would you be ok with your husband behaving like this with another woman? If the answer is yes, it’s fine, if not, then hmm it’s a bit hypocritical. Not sure you can force yourself to not enjoy it though,,
Completely agree.
Teddy1970 · 19/02/2021 18:17

@FangsForTheMemory

If your husband was behaving in the same way to a female colleague, would you be ok with it?
Yes, if the boot was on the other foot everyone would be saying ltb..
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