Aibu to enjoy my colleague flirting with me?

[Pinkairballoon]

As the title says really. I’m happily married with two children and have worked in my job for a year. We’re all office based. A new male colleague has arrived three months ago and flirts all day with me and I really enjoy the attention.

I’m quite plain and average so it’s not something that happens to me all the time... or ever! He’s so interested in what I say, buys me little things (coffee on his way in etc) messages on teams all day. He said to the whole office if he won the lottery he’d treat me to my dream holiday but I have to go with him and not my husband and kids. I laugh it off and never encourage him but on some level I really enjoy the attention which I know is shocking as I’m happily married.

Aibu to enjoy this extra attention?

Do you show your husband the messages he sends you? Is your DH aware of the situation?

A different point of view- how fast does he stop if you show your irritation? Would he bother someone who didn't welcome his advances? You may enjoy it, but the next person may find it oppressive. Don't encourage him in behaviour that will cause him and other women problems down the line.

Would you be happy if it was your husband flirting at work?...I don’t think it’ll lead to anywhere good. Concentrate on your dh and your baby. Flirting is a boost but should be with someone you like too..like your partner I’d be so upset if I knew mine was flirting with someone at work &I wouldn’t do it to him

Nothing wrong with this, it used to be something that happened a lot in my days of working in a large office way back in the 60's era, when people were more likely to not get offended by these frivolous things.
The only difference, was, that you didn't have to put up with all the messages and texts etc.

I’d just watch it doesn’t spill over into something uncomfortable that needs managing and the embarrassment that will cause. Does he really ‘message all day?’

You’re encouraging it which is not okay. If it was your husband saying that about a woman at work I don’t think the answers would be ‘it’s harmless’

I’d have more respect for my husband tbh OP.

I think YABU. If you wouldn't be happy with your husband knowing about EVERYTHING then it's not really OK. I work in construction so I am mostly with men - we banter but I stay away from actual flirting as it would feel wrong

I think its straying into dangerous territory. It's not harmless light flirting if he is buying you things, messaging on teams all day - cringe - as I assume managers can check and see this. It's too much.

If a husband was doing this mumsnet would be hitting the roof.

@Hankunamatata

If a husband was doing this mumsnet would be hitting the roof.

I'd give exactly the same answer as I gave above.

I like an office flirtation...that comment about treating you to a holiday without your husband and kids is a bit odd though. I'd never say that to someone married.

I'd be laughing along but not lapping it up, your other co workers know you are married I can imagine what they must think of you if you are playing along with his flirting, like others have said would you be happy if a woman at your husbands work was showing him the same level of attention?? YABAS

I actually think the teams messaging and buying things is king it across the line.

A bit of flirting/banter is borderline but passes the time. I would be upset if my partner was lapping up attention from someone else so I wouldn't do it to them.

Just enjoy it

Some people are very flirtatious and charming and others enjoy the attention it part of human interaction but some on here get very het up about it

It’s not the most flirtatious of people that I have known to be the ones having a string of affairs

Some cultures have it down to an art

If you’d be happy with your DH buying another woman at work coffees and flirting all day every day with her then crack on. Suspect you wouldn’t be though.

Where did I say I would enjoy them flirting all day I would expect them to be working

As for buying coffees we often buy foods for each other (no coffee place near us) and yes do act a little differently around their partners

But this has been the case everywhere i have worked. Affairs have happened (as they do often do) but it’s not the flirty banter it’s because those people want to have affairs it’s not necessarily the ones flirting

A bit of flirting is nice and it's OK in my eyes if

1. It goes absolutely no further
2. You would be happy your husband knowing
3. You would be happy your husband doing it

I got into this territory with a colleague - we clicked and got on like a house on fire, it felt like I'd met my best friend and like we'd known each other for years. It came dangerously close to an emotional affair despite my adamancy to myself it was harmless flirtation and we were just friends.

I stepped right back, stopped messaging, kept it very professional etc, didn't stay out chatting after dinner (worked away a lot). Could have easily escalated and destroyed my marriage (it certainly put a lot of strain on)

Just be very very aware of where it is going, and pull back at the first sign it's anything more than harmless banter.

As long as it doesnt cross a line I think it's fine. My DH says I'm a terrible flirt, he is as well though! We have a laugh about it, we joke my best mate is like his second wife

As long as its innocent and you'd feel comfortable DH knowing then it's fine.

@Summersun2020

I voted YANBU. Everyone enjoys a bit of attention and it can be a nice confidence boost. As long as it goes no further and doesn’t affect your relationship I don’t see the problem

But the man in this scenario would be hammered on this site!

Occasional lighthearted flirting or banter, with mutually understood, clear boundaries - probably fine.

Messaging you all day long and buying you treats - crossing a line, rein it in a bit on your side and hope he takes the hint.

I’ve seen women post on here describing the same scenario as you from the spouses point of view, but they use the term “emotional affair” rather than flirting.

I would also say that harmless flirting would be something I’d quickly forget about, and probably wouldn’t be pondering it later on and posting a thread so I bask in the excitement of it all afterwards.

@OutingMyself

I think he sounds creepy af and wouldn't encourage it.

This ^

Yanbu but be careful

A guy at work was very flirty with me a few weeks back and it was one of the first things I told dh that evening. I was laughing about it and dh isn’t jealous as he knows I choose him every day. I guess my honesty helps with that.

I’ve told my husband that he’s super friendly and mentioned the coffee buying etc but probably haven’t said that it’s flirty. I don’t know why.

I don’t know if my colleague is married. I’ve never asked and he doesn’t really mention his home life beyond what he’s watched on tv/films/football etc

I guess I am BU even though I’d never ever take it further. I told colleague I didn’t want to give him my number when he mentioned sending me a link to something. I’m not on FB/insta so don’t speak out of work.

I don’t think of him outside of work when I’m with DH and my kids but selfishly I do enjoy the attention at work. It’s nice and flattering and a boost for my self esteem I think?

For those asking if I’d mind if my DH was flirting/buying coffees etc. Yes I would!