Aibu to enjoy my colleague flirting with me?

[Pinkairballoon]

As the title says really. I’m happily married with two children and have worked in my job for a year. We’re all office based. A new male colleague has arrived three months ago and flirts all day with me and I really enjoy the attention.

I’m quite plain and average so it’s not something that happens to me all the time... or ever! He’s so interested in what I say, buys me little things (coffee on his way in etc) messages on teams all day. He said to the whole office if he won the lottery he’d treat me to my dream holiday but I have to go with him and not my husband and kids. I laugh it off and never encourage him but on some level I really enjoy the attention which I know is shocking as I’m happily married.

Aibu to enjoy this extra attention?

Yabu. You're slipping into emotional affair territory.

He sounds creepy to be honest. My concern is when the novelty wears off for you that he may continue or escalate his behaviour to the point you are not comfortable at work. Plus I can promise you that your colleagues are all at you both and you run the risk of becoming the office joke/rumour.

Not sure what you do for a job but don’t risk your professional integrity for a bit of an ego boost

If your husband was doing this with a colleague and you found out and were okay with it then crack on .
My feelings is that it wouldn’t be okay, if I’m
Wrong why don’t you relay your message to him and see.
Seriously though lots of people enjoy flirting however his comments are off .
All men can flirt as can women the ones that care generally are the ones that know not to take it to far and suggest holidays with out your husband or your kids.

I jokingly flirt with people at work ( flirty banter) but it stays at work and I’m
Single and they are also else it’s a complete joke. Lots of people do but the ones that care don’t suggest stuff like he has and cross the line . Keep it as flirty banter if you want else that holiday with out the husband and kids may become a reality x

@Pinkairballoon

I’ve told my husband that he’s super friendly and mentioned the coffee buying etc but probably haven’t said that it’s flirty. I don’t know why.

I don’t know if my colleague is married. I’ve never asked and he doesn’t really mention his home life beyond what he’s watched on tv/films/football etc

I guess I am BU even though I’d never ever take it further. I told colleague I didn’t want to give him my number when he mentioned sending me a link to something. I’m not on FB/insta so don’t speak out of work.

I don’t think of him outside of work when I’m with DH and my kids but selfishly I do enjoy the attention at work. It’s nice and flattering and a boost for my self esteem I think?

For those asking if I’d mind if my DH was flirting/buying coffees etc. Yes I would!

You haven't said it's flirty because that's crossing an unspoken line between you both I would think.

I also get the impression that colleague is wanting this to be a bit more than a harmless flirt

From this post I'd say you were at risk of straying into emotional affair territory which can escalate quickly, and would personally start to pull back on it.

How would you feel if your dh wrote this and you read it?

This is a test right? to see how MNers respond because you're the woman who's not telling your colleague to pack it in.
It's gone way past flirting OP - you say it's every day and all day - that's not healthy, he's not going to stop until you either break and fall into his arms, or he gets bored of your reaction.

haven’t said that it’s flirty. I don’t know why stop lying. You know why
You know it crosses a line and that’s why you’re concealing the flirty nature of the interaction

PPs suggesting if your DH was doing what he's doing.... well actually, how would you feel if your DH was getting the exact same attention from a woman in his office all day, every day, surely you'd be a bit if he wasn't having a quiet word with her and telling her to start acting like a professional colleague!
I appreciate the 'self-esteem boost' OP, but this isn't fair on your DH surely?
Flirt with your DH instead, see if he reciprocates.

Flirting is harmless but messaging all day doesn't....it sounds like you like HIM not the attention....

For those asking if I’d mind if my DH was flirting/buying coffees etc. Yes I would! blush

Then please don’t be a hypocrite. He probably has a wife or girlfriend at home just like you, who would be devastated to know this is going on.

Maybe the guy is just playing you.The easily flattered woman. Maybe he’s got motive too

Not gonna end well this is it.

No
She’s lying and she knows it
But would be enraged of her dh flirted

YABVU! Your poor DH. You've hidden that this is flirting, not just a colleague buying you coffee, you are lapping up his attention and you wouldn't like it if your DH was acting in this way. Get a grip as this is how affairs start.

Is he a young lad and you’re a middle age woman? Are you sure he’s not just passing the time?

I’ve told my husband that he’s super friendly and mentioned the coffee buying etc but probably haven’t said that it’s flirty. I don’t know why

You don't have to know why. But something in you has drawn a line, hasn't it. Some subconcious part of you.

That line is drawn between what you do, and what you tell your husband you do. So, you're choosing to do something, and choosing not to tell him, because something in you wants to deceive him about this. Starting to feel uncomfortable having it described like this, yet? You are asking strangers on the internet for validation about deliberately deceiving your husband.

Why do you need to ask, if you're ok with it?

I think you should listen to the voice inside you, telling you that this isn't right. That's the real you. The honest you.

Ew

You've not mentioned the flirting to your husband and you would have an issue with your husband behaving in that way. There's your answer.

It doesn't matter what lines any of us draw in our relationships. You wouldn't like your husband doing it so that crosses a boundary in your relationship.

Ick. Nah, I’m all for an innocent flirt, but this isn’t that.
You’re already hiding things from your husband, and you know perfectly well why you’ve not told him it’s flirty. You’re also being a complete hypocrite as you say you wouldn’t like him behaving the way you are now.
Tbh this other bloke is taking it too far, and you’re just as bad for letting him. Talking about taking you away from your husband and kids for a holiday and messaging you every chance he gets isn’t on.
Rein it in, or it’ll bite you.

I doubt it’s doing either of your professional reputations any good. Flirting, buying you gifts, telling colleagues he’d take you on holiday. You think your colleagues haven’t noticed? Don’t kid yourself, you’re the topic of office gossip and not in a good way. Cringe!

Indeed it’s a bit cringey both of you.

So embarrassing to think of your colleagues laughing about it all. Is that the sort of attention you enjoy?

Your hypocrisy in expecting better behaviour from your husband isn’t funny. Maybe he’d like a bit of attention too.

I’ve told my husband that he’s super friendly and mentioned the coffee buying etc but probably haven’t said that it’s flirty. I don’t know why.

As PP have said, you know why. Because he wouldn't like it, just as you've agreed you would be displeased if he were flirting with someone at work. It's disrespectful and though it may seem harmless at the moment, it's potentially dangerous to your marriage and long-term happiness.

My only advice is, if you don’t intend to take it further, don’t end up anywhere alone with him and find yourself in a situation you can’t get yourself out of - when all of your colleagues have witnessed the flirting and the fact that there’s a trail of messages proving that there is something going on between you.