To have this theory about parenthood?

[Spagootiba]

To think that as children grow older parents are biologically programmed to forget about the sleepless nights, tantrums etc or at least how awful it felt at the time.

My theory is that it's a type of evolution so they can tell younger generations that parenthood isn't that bad and not scare them off reproducing, also explains more than one child 🤣

Light hearted but let's hear your views.

I'm fully prepared for perfect parents with perfect children brigade.

Ps I love my kids and obviously the good times outweigh the hard😅

Funnily enough I was having a similar conversation with DH the other day. I was saying how sad I am that I'm not really enjoying this pregnancy because I just feel rough all the time.

He pointed out that I've never enjoyed any of my pregnancy's it's only afterwards that I look back with rose tinted glasses.

I'm not sure I'd have done this 3 times if I'd remembered how awful I feel.

I think the love for your babies just destroys your brain, how could they be difficult when they're so perfect? And I suppose it's such a small part of the parenting experience the memory eventually fades away.

I think our brains are programmed to forget all kinds of painful experiences.

No looking back with rose tinted glasses here. I remember the sheer exhaustion with my second who was a terrible sleeper and was clingy and whingy from the day he was born until he was about 7. Just a very needy, stubborn, over emotional child. I often think if he had been my first child I would have stopped at one.

This is interesting. You could perhaps argue that if you had planned/wanted more those memories would've been a bit less prominent?

From memory, how was your first?

My first was a terrible sleeper, I was really scared about the first 6 months sleeping when I had my second but luckily they were a bit better and would go to sleep in their cot easily.

As for other behaviour, both of mine are quite young and not far apart in age, I put my head in my hands a lot but feel happy with the memories at the same time if that makes sense.

Yes, but forgetting it to the extent that you put yourself through it again... aah mother nature!

I didn't forget and went on to have more, in the full knowledge this was a possibility again. Thankfully all the others were easy babies and children, he is just the way he is. Perhaps some people are just more inclined to forget what they think are 'bad parts'. I think it helped that my mother in law had no qualms about telling me about her dark times when the kids were small. She hadn't forgotten the stress of having a couple of toddlers and a new baby and a husband who was at work 12 hours a day.

I think it's just human nature to try and forget about bad experiences.

I had a horrific illness a few years ago that left me in constant crippling pain. After an (also very painful) operation I was cured. I was thinking about it recently and said to myself "it wasn't that bad actually" until I did a double take and started to remember how bad it really was.

We dull the bad things and remember the good to protect ourselves. It applies to everything we do.

Totally agree.
But I haven't yet recovered 11 years on

Oh absolutely. When I was ttc no 2 I remembered that I was quite sick in the first trimester. But it was only when I was actually sick again that I remembered I vowed never to do it again when my head was in the toilet one time. How could I completely forget deciding that!!

I had an horrific time with PND so would certainly not do it again.

I don't think this is really to do with parenting, it is just how time works in general. Any stressful, emotional or painful situation reduces over time.

There is only one bad memory i cannot shut down and it still brings me to tears. Dd was a few months old, waking every single hour and I hadn't slept for longer than an hour at a time for 3 solid weeks. One night she cried, and cried and cried for hours and there was absolutely no soothing her. At the end of my tether I sat there, held her to me and sobbed. I felt anger and frustration rising in me and began to feel myself holding her too tight to me. I quickly put her down in the middle of the bed, left her crying and left the room. She was crying there for 10 minutes. But had I stayed, I am so scared of what might have happened.

The day she vomited in my face? No problem! The day I licked what I thought was spilled calpol off ds's little chubby wrist and soon realised it was in fact snot? It's the making of dinner time tales.

There's not a second goes by when I regret having children. But my word, you see the world very differently after having them!

Another thing to add is the memory gets more positive/ less difficult as your child gets closer to the age of becoming a parent themselves. So you are less likely to warn them off😂 obviously not the same in all cases, like with PND and other bad experiences but just throwing it out there.

It s range of things, people do forget - I'm not sure I've forgotten how horrendous my first was.
My children are still young, but there does seem to be a bigger martyr mentality than before (especially on mumsnet). Some parents going to bed with their babies at 7pm so they never have any time with their husbands, attempting to breastfeed far past the point where it is advantageous for either the mother or the child and letting a child not have a proper sleep as it's not acceptable to allow them to settle.

One of the reasons I have thought about this is because a lot of the older generation seem shocked at how bad babies sleep, how much kids seem to have tantrums etc.

I was lucky to get amazing sleepers but my second pregnancy was stressful/painful/terrifying for many reasons not to mention the horrendous sickness. I am done having children but if I wasn't I do think my brain has already blocked a lot of the worst bits out!

I think my sleep deprivation has just led me to be unable to remember any **ing thing! I suspect this period of my life is going to be a major blur when I look back, haha!

I should add that I don't think it was anything I did (although I did has good routines) that resulted in amazing sleepers. I think a good part could be down to genetics as all babies in my family have been the same!

My mother said all of us slept through the night from six weeks.
Maybe she has forgotten that the youngest - and very much indulged - of the family woke us up every night for months! At least I didn't have to get up to look after him but he definitely didn't do what she claimed.

@HeidiHaughton my mil claims my dh was potty trained by 9mo 🙄

That's a valid point. My memory in general feels a lot worse than it used to (pre kids).

Do you think she genuinely can't remember or its a pride thing?

Perhaps your pregnancy unconsciously stirred up bad memories for her. Glad she stopped when you brought it up with her, I can imagine how crappy it must have made you feel.

@Spagootiba

Do you think she genuinely can't remember or its a pride thing?

Pride I think. She would pride herself on how well we all turned out, but I have very different memories of certain events and have made my peace with the fact it is not worth the energy to challenge her narrative. The only thing I have had words with her about is he smacking/hitting us, but she remains convinced it wasn't very often and it was only done when she had exhausted all other options. Neither of which is true.