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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have this theory about parenthood?

80 replies

Spagootiba · 18/02/2021 17:40

To think that as children grow older parents are biologically programmed to forget about the sleepless nights, tantrums etc or at least how awful it felt at the time.

My theory is that it's a type of evolution so they can tell younger generations that parenthood isn't that bad and not scare them off reproducing, also explains more than one child 🤣

Light hearted but let's hear your views.

I'm fully prepared for perfect parents with perfect children brigade.

Ps I love my kids and obviously the good times outweigh the hard😅

OP posts:
Original poster
Spagootiba · 18/02/2021 20:36

Makes sense. I had stitches after giving birth to my first and know it was painful and annoying but in my memory it feels more like a mild irritation rather than agony now.

OP posts:
MrsDukeOfHastings · 18/02/2021 20:44

I feel quite sad sometimes for the opposite reasons, I count myself as lucky though. I had a very easy pregnancy like honestly it was as though I wasn't pregnant, but I had an horrific labour.

I was very very lucky that my ds slept through from literally the first night, he has never been one to draw on walls or do any baby/toddler naughty things. He was an easy baby through teething.

The worst thing I had with him was colic and that was for a short time. He was never a calling mummy continuously type child. He is 8 now and so far (touch wood) he has never had so much as a cold.
He was completely normal character when he had chickenpox.

Although I know I am very lucky, but I read some posts on FB and such with mums saying the things their kids have got up to (drawn on walls, emptied all the cupboards, mixing potions with household chemicals etc) and I think I've maybe missed parenthood somehow lol.

As an 8 year old he is very independent and tbh he always plays in his room. I honestly feel like if I have another one I will have a very difficult child 🤣

But as I say, I feel like I've missed all the fun bits and sometimes wish he was a bit naughty so I could have a tale to tell.

He obviously gets told off for things and isn't a perfect angel but in terms of young children I've not really experienced what others have and my auntie, who we are really close to, seems to think I birthed the wrong child because apparently no child of mine could be that well behaved haha!

WhereYouLeftIt · 18/02/2021 20:47

"My theory is that it's a type of evolution so they can tell younger generations that parenthood isn't that bad and not scare them off reproducing, also explains more than one child 🤣"

But - having any choice in the matter is far, far too recent for it to be 'evolution'. Effective contraception is 60 years or so. Ineffective contraception a bit longer, but - ineffective, and contemporaneous with religions exhorting that we be 'fruitful'.

I'm with biddybird - "I think our brains are programmed to forget all kinds of painful experiences." Otherwise we'd never move on from any trauma.

LouNatics · 18/02/2021 20:49

Well, my mother used to repeatedly tell me and my sibling that if we’d been born in the other order, the second would never have existed. All the way to adulthood. Neither of us really knew how to react to that.

I believe that in parenthood you always get it in the neck at some stage. I don’t think it’s possible to have a smooth and comfortable pregnancy, an easy and enjoyable birth, a happy smiley good sleeping baby, a pliable and curiously cute toddler, a delightful preschooler, a lovely easygoing school age child, an easy tween and an engaged, mature teen that grows into a well rounded, stress free adult that moves out on time, keeps you in their lives a suitable amount, never asks for money and looks after you in your dotage.

I think they are all a nightmare at one stage or the other, and if you are currently thanking your lucky stars, don’t, because it’s all still to come.

hiredandsqueak · 18/02/2021 20:50

I look after dgs 20 months two/three days a week whilst dd works. It's exhausting, I swear I used to find four under seven a doddle. Either I'm getting old, dgs is very hard work or I have a very selective memory.

LouJ85 · 18/02/2021 20:52

I think they are all a nightmare at one stage or the other, and if you are currently thanking your lucky stars, don’t, because it’s all still to come.

Agree with this! I was so blessed with my DD as a baby / toddler, she was a breeze. Teen years?? Not so much. 😂

Welovewhitenoise · 18/02/2021 21:00

Two little DC, so can't speak for later year. Haven't forgotten the awful bits of birth and difficult newborn parts as such, just that I know my mind has made it seem not that bad.

I was so lucky really with both births, but both were still excruciatingly unbelievably painful, and had a nightmareish feel to them towards the end where I just could not fathom how I could keep going. I did know I felt that way from the first, but still looked forward to my second labour (?!) even though as soon as I walked into the room in the birthing centre I had a sudden flashback of horror!

And despite it being so so extremely ridiculously painful, (though thankfully pretty quick second time round) I still wistfully wish I could do it again (I had a dream last night I found myself in surprise labour with a third and just felt really excited about it all)

My first also woke up every 20 mins for weeks, I would get typically 2 hours total sleep per 24 hours with the odd longer bit at the weekends. I know objectively that it was awful at the time, hot, exhausting, hallucinating with tiredness, but my memories of it are still somehow lovely balmy nights lying on top of the covers listening to various baby lullabies on my phone and my beautiful baby. It makes me smile to think of it now (!) how?!

MrsDukeOfHastings · 18/02/2021 21:16

I agree BTW that I will probably hit teenager stage with him and he will turn into the devil incarnate 🤣 I dont think I have missed difficult parenthood by any means, just the small stage.

Loopyloututu · 18/02/2021 21:20

Err... do you really think you have invented this “theory” OP? Grin

HitchFlix · 18/02/2021 21:32

obviously the good times outweigh the bad have you forgotten the toddler years already?! The bad times far far outweighed the good IME!

Original poster
Spagootiba · 18/02/2021 21:36

@Loopyloututu

Err... do you really think you have invented this “theory” OP? Grin
Haha... of course, full credit to me. Bagsy mine.
OP posts:
jbee1979 · 18/02/2021 21:40

The sound of the colic cry is burned into every single cell of my body, it actually makes me feel sick to think about it. I transport back to that soul destroying time, and a dark curtain comes down. I will never forget. I won't scare a pregnant friend, but I will put headphones on and put my arms around them and rock backwards and forwards with them and their newborn while Classic FM plays to the child, if the need me to.

larrysmith · 18/02/2021 21:42

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BorderlineHappy · 18/02/2021 21:43

I do think your brain makes you forget.
Otherwise everyone would stop at 1 child.
Did 2 was a terrible sleeper,the boss baby takes a power nap and was eating to go l.
That was D's 2.
He has 2 kids himself now and karma is a bitch😂

Original poster
Spagootiba · 18/02/2021 21:47

@larrysmith

funnily enough, SHUT THE FUCK UP
Why?
OP posts:
jbee1979 · 18/02/2021 21:50

Ignore @larrysmith, I've reported the troll

larrysmith · 18/02/2021 21:51

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Loopyloututu · 18/02/2021 21:51

Do you suffer from typing Tourette’s larrysmith?

larrysmith · 18/02/2021 21:53

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PumpkinPie2016 · 18/02/2021 21:55

My memory is impeccable.

DS is an only child Grin

Cauterize · 18/02/2021 22:03

Yes I definitely agree with this. My son was bloody hard work up until the age of 4. I was seriously on the edge.

I look back now and think ah it wasn't that bad, was it?

Yes! It really was shit

Bumpsadaisie · 18/02/2021 22:04

I think your right. Mine are nearly 12 and nearly 10. They wash and dress themselves and take themselves to bed. They go to the loo themselves. They can be at home unsupervised for an hour or so. They make me tea. They can make themselves a simple meal or lunch. They entertain themselves. They eat without making a mess.

They are generally reasonable human beings. Only difficulties are they don't tidy their rooms, they spend ages in the shower, too much time on screens and sometimes bicker.

I just cannot really remember the reality of life with a three and one year old where you have to do literally everything for them and keep them out of harms way. I mean I know I went through it but I can't say I truly remember what it feels like.

LunaDeet · 18/02/2021 22:08

I haven’t forgotten a thing. Still pretty traumatised and definitely sticking with one.

MargaretThursday · 18/02/2021 22:09

Dh always said that memory of labour is programmed to disappear quickly enough to have the next child.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 18/02/2021 22:10

You definitely do forget difficult or traumatic things. Or at least I do. Maybe it's a trait of resilience not to dwell over much on things but to process them, learn from them and move on.