Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to limit my 11yr old son’s gaming time per day?

123 replies

MBDBBB · 18/02/2021 17:10

He gets 1.5 hrs per day at weekends at half an hour in the week. He is adamant that his friends get more time than he does. I’d be interested to know what other people’s limits are to see if we’re being overly strict or overly generous! He plays mostly fortnite, super mario and minecraft.

OP posts:
Symbion · 18/02/2021 18:33

No Fortnite here at all (he's 12) but we are allowing up to about 2 hours of Minecraft/phone time a day in lockdown.

He has all these projects going on in Minecraft, he makes machines (which he would never do IRL) and interacts with friends. Half an hour per day would really limit his chance to be constructive/productive with it, I think.

PicaK · 18/02/2021 18:33

Half an hour?? That's one fortnite game. How can he ever get any good?!

willstarttomorrow · 18/02/2021 18:36

OP I was discussing this today as had to be office based. My DC is older (14) and basically can happily spend her time in her room on her ipad, kindle etc. She is not into gaming but a lot of screen time. She has always had limits but as she has got older, then lockdown and now another half term with nothing else to do it feels harder to judge. I know at her age I would have just locked myself in my room with a book if I could not be out on my bike. The weather here for several weeks means being out on a bike all day and with restrictions on meeting friends would be pretty joyless. We are also no longer living in the 1980s.

Ipads/phones/game consoles are the new books as long as properly managed. By that I mean they are harmless as long as proper restrictions are in place. I do not think it is about time limits, more about how they are used. So during the school term DC has to be be logged on for lessons, work set completed, there are rules re tasks or joining the family for meals/ outside activities then an agreement for when phones etc have to be out of the room to sleep.

The reality is that, whilst proclaiming devices are bad for children, most adults now spend a lot of time on their phones or tablets rather than the old days when we all sat around the tv and watched what our parents did because there were 4 channels. Times have changed and we are living through a pandemic which means our children are very isolated. Think about your objections to gaming and if this is justified. Then think about the alternatives children have at this moment to stay connected to their friends and have something to do. So do the time limits you have set reflect this or have they just been plucked out of thin air because you feel you have to restrict gadget use?

Tiredmum100 · 18/02/2021 18:39

My dc have way too much computer time at the moment. Roll in the schools re opening. I do agree half an hour isn't a lot.

Original poster
MBDBBB · 18/02/2021 18:41

@willstarttomorrow

OP I was discussing this today as had to be office based. My DC is older (14) and basically can happily spend her time in her room on her ipad, kindle etc. She is not into gaming but a lot of screen time. She has always had limits but as she has got older, then lockdown and now another half term with nothing else to do it feels harder to judge. I know at her age I would have just locked myself in my room with a book if I could not be out on my bike. The weather here for several weeks means being out on a bike all day and with restrictions on meeting friends would be pretty joyless. We are also no longer living in the 1980s.

Ipads/phones/game consoles are the new books as long as properly managed. By that I mean they are harmless as long as proper restrictions are in place. I do not think it is about time limits, more about how they are used. So during the school term DC has to be be logged on for lessons, work set completed, there are rules re tasks or joining the family for meals/ outside activities then an agreement for when phones etc have to be out of the room to sleep.

The reality is that, whilst proclaiming devices are bad for children, most adults now spend a lot of time on their phones or tablets rather than the old days when we all sat around the tv and watched what our parents did because there were 4 channels. Times have changed and we are living through a pandemic which means our children are very isolated. Think about your objections to gaming and if this is justified. Then think about the alternatives children have at this moment to stay connected to their friends and have something to do. So do the time limits you have set reflect this or have they just been plucked out of thin air because you feel you have to restrict gadget use?

You make a fair point, and having discussed it with DS actually the limits he feels are fair aren’t over the top in my eyes. As I say, I think I’m more prepared to be lenient in view of the current situation, the fact that it’s no longer the 1980s etc. My DH less so. He’s an outdoorsy, sporty type who sees no benefit in gaming, so it’s a compromise!
OP posts:
MyDcAreMarvel · 18/02/2021 18:42

@reefedsail He's at school 8am- 5.30pm then has prep. what a horrible life for a child.

PandemicPalava · 18/02/2021 18:43

I don't limit dd. Her and her friends will sometimes really get into a game and be in there for 4 hours at a time. I honestly think it's great as they're interacting, strategising, I pop my head in and say hi, she has snacks etc. It's her socialising at the moment. She's 10

happytoday73 · 18/02/2021 18:44

30 minutes isn't enough... 1-2 hours 3x a week with a longer stint on one weekend day would be a better way to game while still having control on total hours

For my 11 year old his week day evening activities would normally limit him to Mon, thur and in winter Friday after dinner. We then only allow one day at weekend... Time depends on weather.. If its raining can do more than if nice...

Crackerofdoom · 18/02/2021 18:49

We have no screen time Mon-Fri but no limits on the weekends.

Obviously we are often doing things on the weekends so they don't play all day but they do use them a lot.

I just got tired of having to monitor it constantly so this takes that out of it for me and they can really get their teeth into a game on the weekend but it doesn't cross their minds during the week as it is not on the cards

CoffeeWithCheese · 18/02/2021 18:49

At the moment I've kind of accepted it's the kids' social contact with their peers - although I do have Roblox set to an hour a day max as DD1's proven she gets ridiculous with that. Once normal life resumes it'll get clawed back to "not until after homework" territory and we'll be out and about much more anyway - but right now these kids have very very little, the weather's shite, they're sick of the same bloody walks however much you make like a Cbeebies presenter to jazz it up - and they are on screens more than I'd like.

Boxachocs · 18/02/2021 18:51

We have 1 hour on weekdays and I think 2 hours weekends . We don’t allow Fortnite at all. Bizarrely I’m ok with Battlefront but I don’t like the addictive nature of Fortnite in particular. He’s nearly 12. Sometimes he gets extra time, but usually not.

Chewingle · 18/02/2021 18:51

[quote MyDcAreMarvel]**@reefedsail* He's at school 8am- 5.30pm then has prep.* what a horrible life for a child.[/quote]
If your child hates school, perhaps

Chewingle · 18/02/2021 18:53

[quote reefedsail]**@Chewingle* you said that 6 hours of anything in one day would be too much. Anything*.[/quote]
But school is not one thing - it’s hugely varied

Zevia · 18/02/2021 18:55

I think what bothers me is limits for limits sake. If a child is gaming at the expense of schoolwork, outdoor activities or socializing, then it's time to set boundaries.

If you're restricting their game time and they just end up sat in front of the TV or doing something else inactive, I think that's counter-productive.

Again, it depends on the type of game to an extent. I'd be much more tolerant of a child playing a creative game, or a puzzle/strategy or story based game than I would be of them playing FIFA or Fortnight for hours on end. Not that those games are inherently terrible but they're at the junk-food end of the spectrum (albeit they at least offer a social element that wasnt present in similar games when I was younger).

Invisimamma · 18/02/2021 18:56

Having limits is fine an sensible but 30mins especially in current circumstances is really nothing at all. Perhaps even a bit cruel to dangle the carrot of gaming, just get started then have to leave the game?

I don't have strict time limits at the moment but they probably play 2 hours a day roughly, sometimes they don't play at all and sometimes it's a bit more than that.

Zevia · 18/02/2021 19:03

But school is not one thing - it’s hugely varied
Gaming can be too. You can have purely creative games (something like Minecraft has art, design and engineering elements), puzzle-solving games, music-based games, chess-like strategy games or story-based games that all probably have quite a lot of educational merit. Then you have shooters, sports, racing games and alike which probably teach less in the way of useful skills, but provide a good social outlet (particularly at the moment).

Chewingle · 18/02/2021 19:08

@Zevia

But school is not one thing - it’s hugely varied Gaming can be too. You can have purely creative games (something like Minecraft has art, design and engineering elements), puzzle-solving games, music-based games, chess-like strategy games or story-based games that all probably have quite a lot of educational merit. Then you have shooters, sports, racing games and alike which probably teach less in the way of useful skills, but provide a good social outlet (particularly at the moment).
Ok do you think 6 hours at school is same as 6 hours of gaming.

If you think that, then sure - I get why you’d allow 6 hours a day.

I don’t think that - hence why I would never allow 6 hours a day for an 11 year old.

We aren’t going to ever change one another’s mind

Dustyboots · 18/02/2021 19:09

Can I ask why people are so worried or against fortnite?

I’m like OP and have always restricted gaming but during lockdown have relaxed limits due to playing with friends.

DS plays fortnite. Is that bad?

Chewingle · 18/02/2021 19:09

Not do you think

I meant so you think

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 18/02/2021 19:10

Usually l would have a strict limit on it but during a winter lockdown l think these rules have to be relaxed a bit.
When schools start again it is a weekend treat only.

reefedsail · 18/02/2021 19:19

[quote MyDcAreMarvel]**@reefedsail* He's at school 8am- 5.30pm then has prep.* what a horrible life for a child.[/quote]
Yes my poor DS, his life is terrible. You'll be even more scandalised to hear that in non-covid times he insists on going in at 7.15am for hotel breakfast AND demands to board once a week so he can be there for longer with his friends. Poor kid Sad

Inpeace · 18/02/2021 19:25

We did 2 hours per day everyday same time slot after school before tea.

Other screen time is shared with siblings family but of course we do other things too.

Mainly to stop it taking over and to stop overload on these game that have designed in things to make to come back / try again like levels, daily streaks etc. Personal hatred of this element.

In lockdown holidays less Intensive two player games do feature at other times especially when lockdown tolerance is approaching a limit.

At 11 ds switched to playing online with friend more than alone and this has been a gift to reduce his isolation while there is no school.

Mine facetimes / WhatsApp video calls which ever friend joins his minecraft realm at the same time as playing and they chat away for the whole two hours. This is preferable to the child v game situation.

He also plays pokemon with his dad and neighbours again sociable and a conversation starter
With peers / likeminded folks.

Does your ds socialise via games eg minecraft?

willstarttomorrow · 18/02/2021 19:28

I think the issue is parents projecting onto their children what they think is acceptable. When DD was younger having loads of after school activities was kind of normal and I knew as she got older some would drop off- it was giving her a choice of interests. Likewise, as OP says, her partner is into the outdoors and expects this. When you get to tween you have to be very careful of projecting what you think their interests should be just because they are your own and you have assumed they will always want to come along with you. It is particularly hard at the moment because options are so limited but just because you like walking up hills or spending the day on a bike this does not mean your child will. As parents we strive to raise young people with their own minds who are assertive in what they want. This certainly gets tested in the transition to teenager and adult when they assert this.

likeafishneedsabike · 18/02/2021 19:29

[quote MyDcAreMarvel]**@reefedsail* He's at school 8am- 5.30pm then has prep.* what a horrible life for a child.[/quote]
@MyDcAreMarvel it’s clearly a private school
and the set up is different to what you’re thinking. For starters, breaks and lunch are long. Lots of time for outdoor play/clubs etc. Secondly, the school day is very varied. There might be two hours most afternoons for sports/music/play rehearsal. There’s probably a sociable ‘high tea’ at 4ish and some table tennis, pool or something.
When you hear about posh school kids staying at school until 5.30pm it sounds awful, but in fact it’s a bit like combining normal school with an extra curricular club and a play date with a friend. It’s the whole child gig wrapped up in one (expensive) parcel!
My kids do not attend private school (and never will) but I have worked at an Indy so know the set up. It’s not horrible in any way - or certainly no more horrible than children going to a childminder for two hours after school with snacks, games and friends to play with.