AIBU to limit my 11yr old son’s gaming time per day?

[MBDBBB]

He gets 1.5 hrs per day at weekends at half an hour in the week. He is adamant that his friends get more time than he does. I’d be interested to know what other people’s limits are to see if we’re being overly strict or overly generous! He plays mostly fortnite, super mario and minecraft.

Also don't allow Fortnite

Mine is on about 2 hours a day. It's more about talking to his friends than the actual gaming for him so I'm not too strict with limits during lockdown.

6 hours a day seems an awful lot though?
I only have positive experiences of gaming so I wouldn't see the need to restrict it. Again with the caveat of 'it depends on the game', I think gaming can be really beneficial.

I dont have a child old enough to have a gaming console!

But growing up my parents only let us have 1 hour a day and maybe 2 hours at the weekend, was absolutely shit, my parents hate gaming!
They still even hate it now, even tho my brother is a professional esports player/ streamer on twitch, he has spent the last few years traveling the world, he gets sponsored to stream a game for 2 hours, his price is £4000 for 2 hours, he does this once or twice a month, he has just brought his first house, no mortgage, paid the full price up front!

I've been more lax during lockdown as that's how DC stay in touch with friends.

During normal times, they were only allowed an hour during the week, and then free reign from 2pm at the weekend, ending at 6pm on a Sunday.

We don't have limits but we do have rules around use. Consoles and screen stay in family/communal rooms and aren't allowed in bedrooms, you rage at the game or squabble over it then off it goes for the rest of the day, if I want it off for any reason then off it goes, if you misbehave then you lose access to it completely for a specified period, that sort of thing. Some days they're on it loads, other days they don't even so much as glance at it. I honestly can't see the sense in battling over it.

@Zevia

No limits here but, if DC weren't able to regulate themselves, I'd say 1.5 - 2 hours per day in the week, and 4 - 6 on the weekend (in normal times). Obviously school work and chores would need to be prioritized.

With lockdown I'd loosen the above.

I'd be far more likely to limit certain types of games (like Fortnight) in favour of others, rather than limit game time altogether.

6hours is too much of anything other than sleep.

You’re totally right, YANBU! You’ll always get your kids telling you their friends have everything- better phones, more screen time, etc. but you need to stand your ground. There are plenty of other things for kids to do and with hours of free screen use, they just won’t do them, and this is a wasted childhood. It’s clearly not good for a child’s development to have endless screen time.

It’s a constant battle with my teenagers and their phones.

I think half an hour a day is a pretty arbitrary limit, and for online / multiplayer games really doesn’t work. FWIW I never imposed limits on mine (now 14&18). So long as their studies were done / they helped around the house, their downtime was theirs to spend as they pleased. And especially during lockdown, games are the only way ds2 keeps in touch with his friends. To have limits like yours would really increase his isolation. I think you should consider letting up, even if you go back to tighter controls when this is over.

YANBU to limit it at all. My DC (teens) get an hour each a day and 1.5 hrs a day at the weekend. If they are in the middle of something specific like a match and ask me I will extend the setting for an extra 15 mins to finish that match.
30 mins sound quite short for an 11 yr old as it takes time to accomplish things in the games. He may get frustrated easily if he can’t achieve enough in a game.

DS is also 11 and does not have a limit but he’s pretty self regulating or regulated by the other things he has to do. He’s definitely not allowed on during the school day, at meal times or after 8:45 when he gets ready for bed and reads. He plays out a lot with his friends from the street and I’m certainly not stopping him!

The days in lockdown are loooong when there’s no travel to and from school and no extra curricular activities and there’s still plenty of time for other things even with and hour or 2 of gaming.

6hours is too much of anything other than sleep.
Would it be too much time reading, playing a sport or a musical instrument, or playing with non-electronic toys?

6 hours is grim

I think that’s not a lot for an 11 year old. My DS is almost 5 and has just, since the end of last year, been introduced to games by my DH, an avid gamer. A little younger than I would’ve liked but with DH being as into gaming as he is I’d have been fighting a losing battle to keep DS off. He only plays minecraft (in creative mode only) and driving games. Pre lockdown he wasn’t allowed on it during the week at all and at weekends an hour or so. Now I’m slightly ashamed to say those limits have massively slipped as a result of lockdown and the need for DS to be kept occupied as DH and I work full time. I wouldn’t bother imposing limits much at the moment. When things are more normal, I’d agree with others that half an hour is very short and hardly worth bothering with - instead during the week I’d encourage some gaming free days and some where he can play 1-2 hours. At the weekends, a bit longer.

We aim for 1hr a day (12, 10, 7yrs) bit sometimes let them have extra. My lot absolutely do not self-regulate, especially the eldest, and would be on it the entire day long if allowed. They do go out to the park a lot though and I think the boredom they have to manage beyond that is good for them.

My dd 12 has such a lovely time playing with her 3 friends online for a couple of hours when its raining outside. Not sure what the harm is? Not sure what else they could do that they'd enjoy so much. Chatting I guess, but nice to have a focus for chat.

My 10 year old and 8 year old sons have exactly the same limits as you - 30 minutes in the week and 1.5 hours at the weekend. However I’ve been letting them have a bit more time in lockdown as I’m working and it’s the only thing that keeps them quiet.

6 hours is grim
Why?

I played for hours some days as a kid, particularly if the weather was bad and/or I was gaming with friends.

If the weather was good, I'd probably be gaming less and playing outside more.

My parents were the sort who would watch tv for hours a night, but I preferred to be doing something mentally active.

I was top of my class at almost everything in school, played a couple of musical instruments to a good standard and played sport both in and outside of school - gaming was just my preferred was of spending time at home if nothing was going on.

I am also one of at least two barristers in my firm who would not have become barristers if not inspired by a particular game.

We do have Fortnite for age 11 but Ds gets longer

What does your Ds like to do instead?

My eldest goes on after dinner until tea time so around 4-5 hours mainly every other day as been trying to get them outside in the fresh air.

Normally he would have an hour after school if good and an afternoon at the weekend.

I'm not really worried if he's on it to much at the moment as it's the only socialising he is getting.

We have 2.5 / 3 hrs in the week - this is the only time my ds really 'talks' to his friends, so, while it is annoying, during lockdown we let it happen after school has finished. He also has to have time outdoors and to do his music practice. Weekends is usually about the same.
He has chosen not to go on the Xbox at all over half term 🤷‍♀️

Don’t have Fortnite that is

haha, we have pretty much no limits over here. In normal time, are limits are more about what else is going on - eg gaming is never done instead of homework/family time/ exercise/sports groups/ chores etc. But when not doing those things, screen time is fine. In lockdown, theoretically the same rules apply but really, the kids don't have anything else to do so we let them get on with it. DD spends huge chunks of the day on FaceTime with her buddies while playing minecraft/animal crossing/roblux et.

I have an 11yo DS (and two older DC). We don't impose limits. He likes gaming, but is good at regulating himself and coming off when he's had enough. Compared to my DS and his friends I would consider your limits to be strict.

I would limit it but allow more hours whilst in lockdown. I would make the rule something like 2 hours on a weekday and 3 on a weekend, contingent on a list of other things he must do. So for example he must read for 30 minutes, complete some chores, have done something creative etc.

I wouldn't worry too much about after lockdown as life goes back to normal he just won't have the time to do it as much. If you get trouble with it after lockdown then is the time to enforce a ban. A tech free day is great in normal times though.