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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I'm perfectly willing to accept that I might be, but I need some help getting perspective here please!!

28 replies

theUrbanDryad · 03/11/2007 10:36

Dh took ds downstairs so i could have a bath in peace anyway, as i was in the bath i could hear something rustling at the bottom of the stairs but thought that it would be ok because dh was supervising ds.

anyway, about 5 minutes later i hear ds tumbling down about 3 steps and then the inevitable wails. i storm downstairs, absolutely furious with dh that he allowed ds to play, unsupervised, at the bottom of the stairs with a plastic bag.

AIBU to think it's a really stupid idea to let a mobile 10mo play at the bottom of the stairs out of arm's reach. i'm sorry i shouted at dh (especially in front of ds, he's still too little to know what mumma shouting at daddy means, but he doesn't like it when i shout ) and i've apologised to him for shouting, but so far he's not accepted that he was stupid or careless.

obviously this is our first child, and i'm willing to accept i might be being really precious, but do i have a point? have i now overanalysed this to the point of extinction?

OP posts:

missyhissey · 03/11/2007 10:40

No YANBU, most people would feel the same, playing near the stairs is bad enough but with a plastic bag aswell! He should have been watching him better than that.

Doodledootoo · 03/11/2007 10:40

Message withdrawn

Lizzylou · 03/11/2007 10:41

YANBU, I would be fuming tbh, 10mth old+stairs+plastic bag? Disaster!
It was nice of your DH to offer you some time to yourself, but I think he needs to be more vigilant!

Original poster

theUrbanDryad · 03/11/2007 10:42

doodle - he was on his farkin laptop. he says he was watching him, but i still wouldn't let him be out of arm's reach if he was near the stairs. we have a stair gate upstairs but not downstairs, and i'm wondering whether to get one now.

OP posts:

AitchTwoOh · 03/11/2007 10:42

nah, if he's in charge and the baby gets hurt, he gets a pasting. fairs fair. plus, i bet you don't get a bath in peace very often.

but now you have to take a deep breath and get over it.

BoysAreLikeDogs · 03/11/2007 10:42

Awwww bless you all. Might be time to put up the stairgate?

Of course you are cross that DS had access to stairs, YANBU.

Hekate · 03/11/2007 10:44

Plastic bag - VERY stupid. Little kids should not ever be allowed near plastic bags.

I also think 10m is too young to be alone on the stairs. Can you not put up stairgates?

Original poster

theUrbanDryad · 03/11/2007 10:45

ds wasn't badly hurt, i should add. no worse than he has been when he's toppled over in the past, and he's just starting to cruise round the furniture and pull himself up to standing, so he's bound to get a few knocks.

but you're right Aitch, it happened, and there's no point in making myself feel bad about it. i just want dh to see what a bad idea it was, so i can feel secure in the knowledge that he won't do it again, and i can be happy to leave him with ds in future!

OP posts:

Original poster

theUrbanDryad · 03/11/2007 10:48

Hekate - i think babies love the sound of a rustly plastic bag, so i've no problem with letting him play with one within arm's reach and well supervised. they're kept out of his way when i can't be around to watch him. likewise, i don't have a problem with him pulling himself up the stairs (how else is he going to learn to climb them!!) but again, he needs to be in arm's reach and well supervised. as in, watched like a hawk.

OP posts:

jumpyjan · 03/11/2007 10:54

YANBU - I would be cross too.

NoNameToday · 03/11/2007 11:04

Allowing a baby/toddler to play with a plastic bag is wrong, irespective of whether you are within reach of the cild or not. They do not understand that they're 'observed' so should be discouraged from playing with a plastic bag in any situation, nice noise or not.

stripeytiger · 03/11/2007 11:12

Your dh is probably feeling very guilty but won't admit it. Yes it was a silly thing to do but hopefully he will learn from it. Just hope your dh was doing something constructive on the laptop like researching your christmas present unlike my ex h who used to surf porn whilst supposedly looking after dcs needless to say I divorced him.

FireworksInMyLuckyUnderpants · 03/11/2007 11:21

YANBU what a dumbass, any sane adult knows children that age are into everything and you can ttake your eyes of them! hope he learns to be more careful with your ds and think he owes you a lie in tomorrow

waps · 03/11/2007 11:32

unfortunately men just can't see danger. They're designed not to or they wouldn't have been able to hunt woolly mammoth and sabre tooth tigers. you just have to accept this as a gender difference and warn your husband of all the things that he has to watch out for. my husband is a wonderful, thoughtful father but he still can't see a problem with a 2 year old walking round with a screwdriver.

LittleMissTroubled · 03/11/2007 12:22

I have to disagree with that waps common sense tells us what is and isnt dangerous, and my ds's daddy is very vigilant, even more so than myself sometimes! its not something we just have to accept as gender differance because not all men are like that.

OneTrickMummy · 03/11/2007 12:27

Hopefully the falling down stairs and wailing made your Dh feel bad. Shouting at him will just make him defensive. But he should have taken more care, being a man is no excuse, and hopefully he will have learned his lesson.

talulasmum · 03/11/2007 12:29

no you are not being unreasonable.

ds could of climbed higher, and then fallen.

but agree with waps. men just dont see the dangers as much as women.

waps · 03/11/2007 12:29

maybe its just all the men I know then. however the ability to extrapolate potential outcomes from a current scenario is not something that we are all born with, male or female. When I applied to be an industrial engineer we had to take tests to see who could predict outcomes from actions and not everyone can do it. There are lots of kinds of intelligence and i just don't think that common sense is that 'common'. its generally learned.

WendyWeber · 03/11/2007 12:30

LMT, I think it's fair to say that most men are like that!

Mine was once stripping paint with a hot-air stripper and thought it was OK to let DD2 and DS1 have a go (aged about 7 and 4 )

hellish · 03/11/2007 12:41

YANBU I would definately put up a stairgate at the bottom of the stairs too. Makes life easier.

I agree with others.Most men think watching a toddler is something they can do whilst getting on with really doing something.

Jojay · 03/11/2007 12:48

YANBU, but we all make mistakes sometimes.

I remember once when DH was feeding DS and he gave him a spoonful of too hot food. DS yelled, went purple and threw up teh entire milk feed he's just had.

I was furious with DH, but to be fair, he felt terrible too (I could tell, but he wouldn't admit it to me.......) and has been very consciencious ever since, in that area anyway.

I have no idea of your domestic set up, but if it's like most of us, you are around your DS a lot more htan your DH is. You know what your DS is likely to do, and are more tuned in to the dangers.

Your DS fortunately wasn't hurt. I'm sure your DH won't let it happen again.

You are justified in being angry, but you both need to learn from it and move on. And get a stair gate

FireworksInMyLuckyUnderpants · 03/11/2007 12:49

Blimey waps! little words please for us less intelligent folk i think we can all predice the outcome of a toddler playing with plastic bag at the bottom of the stairs, apart from most men it would seem

WendyWeber · 03/11/2007 12:54

Put your gate a couple of steps up if poss, so your DS gets used to the concept of stairs going up and him falling down, but without falling very far.

We have a single step, sideways on, at the end of our landing - DS2 beetled along the landing and straight down that step, headfirst, once - he didn't do it again! (he was a bit older than yours is now)

YANBU at all of course, but when you bang on about stuff they just switch off so it's not worth the effort. (You could try being extremely chilly for the rest of the day though, that often gets through when ranting fails)

mummymagic · 03/11/2007 12:57

Hmm... bad idea to let baby play with plastic bag.
But babies do need to be able to take risks - and presumably he was right there (just didn't have his eyes on him at that moment...)

Anyway, the point is you needed him to be super vigilant so you could actually have a nice bath. I have had this (dh doing his own thing and dd whinging) and basically told dh that there was no point me having a 'relaxing' bath if I was thinking that she was not being entertained etc and please just humour me for my bathtime. It worked... (also you do start to chill out and realise it could have happened under your care too you know).

talulasmum · 03/11/2007 13:00

ps.

because men are willing to take risks, are prepared for danger, makes them grow into firemen, soldiers, etc and other fantastic hunky heros.

(i know women do these jobs to)

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