To wonder why the cause of people’s death is so taboo

[Nursejackie1]

There are so many announcements of deaths on social media these days, many of young people often accompanied by photos and memories which are obviously heartbreaking. I just wonder why the death is usually announced without any explanation. And seems so inappropriate to ask what happened. Is it so taboo? I just find that there are so many posts like this and there seems to be such a silence around what happened like it’s disrespectful to give any insight into why. I hope I am not going to offend anyone here I just find it sad to be so invited emotionally into a lost life and human nature means you are going to purely internally speculate on what has happened to the person who has sadly died.

I think it depends on the cause. Some people might feel guilt or shame if their loved one died from suicide or a drug overdose for example. Not suggesting that they should, mind you, but I think sometimes they do.

Is it due to a fear that a suicide might encourage another suicide. I don't think encourage is the correct word for me to use but I can't think of another word right now.

Its usually because the cause could be embarrassing or shameful to the deceased.

@DownUdderer

Is it due to a fear that a suicide might encourage another suicide. I don't think encourage is the correct word for me to use but I can't think of another word right now.

Inspire

Is it tabboo? It is certainly private medical information, that perhaps the family chose to keep private.

In the case of my parents, they didn't want anyone to know that my brothers death was by suicide. They saw it as somehow shameful and a reflection on them ( it absolutely wasn't he had significant mental illness for 20+ years)

It is inappropriate to ask. Perhaps the families don't want the focus on how they died but on how they lived. The cause of death may be a difficult one to talk about. Finding out about the death on social media is a clue that it's none of your business.

Family would feel like there's something they should have done or prevented. Especially suicide or addiction it must be torture thinking you should have noticed something.

From your replies I can understand some reasons for this but how sad that some causes of death can be considered shameful, it reminds me of the recent series it’s a sin where AIDS was considered a shameful way to die. Very sad and so sorry for the parents mentioned above who feel the way they do. I must admit that I kind of felt on social media when this happens it’s a bit like parents tagging themselves and their kids at the hospital with no explanation and causing worry and panic! (usually a minor injury which is revealed days later) But Maybe the silence is a recognition that people are even judged by society by how they die. Not a nice thought

You only have to read on some of the threads on MN to understand why the families of dead drug addicts wouldn’t want that publicised.

Like it or not, some deaths are considered “worthy” and others are just not.

My younger brother died of a drug overdose, we will never know if it was an accident or a deliberate act. But I know a lot of people would have considered our grief as less valid if they knew.

I’m sure his peers had their own suspicions, and I’ve been completely open and honest with my own inner circle of friends. But my parents certainly wouldn’t tell the truth to their friends because it would be viewed negatively.

As others have said, medical information is private. If you don't know a person well enough for them to discuss their health with you when they're alive, why should have that information when they are dead?

This is a weird thread.

In my opinion this is cultural. Here (Brazil) it's very common to ask how did a person die and it isn't considered ill-mannered, just something normal to question.

@Inthetropics

In my opinion this is cultural. Here (Brazil) it's very common to ask how did a person die and it isn't considered ill-mannered, just something normal to question.

Presumably its equaly common to lie in answer?

I think people are very uncomfortable talking about suicide or drug overdoses. The media often don't go into details about suicides for fear of subconsciously influencing vulnerable people.

I went to the funeral of a son of a family friend who'd taken his own life. The circumstances around his death made it blatantly obvious what had happened, but his parents absolutely refused to accept it and told everyone a very bizarre story about how it was an accident. It was heartbreaking because his siblings were talking a lot about the terrible pain he'd been through for years dealing with mental illness and were angry with the parents for having always been in denial and for refusing to accept it or help him.

When my wife died in July all who were part of her life knew the cause of her death. One of her 'friends' messaged me after I made a Facebook announcement to ask 'was it Covid?' and I didn't reply because I wasn't about to provide personal details to someone who obviously hadn't been sufficiently involved in my wife's life to know what was going on.

@Nursejackie1

There are so many announcements of deaths on social media these days, many of young people often accompanied by photos and memories which are obviously heartbreaking. I just wonder why the death is usually announced without any explanation. And seems so inappropriate to ask what happened. Is it so taboo? I just find that there are so many posts like this and there seems to be such a silence around what happened like it’s disrespectful to give any insight into why. I hope I am not going to offend anyone here I just find it sad to be so invited emotionally into a lost life and human nature means you are going to purely internally speculate on what has happened to the person who has sadly died.

It's so inconsiderate isn't it, a bereaved family depriving online rubber neckers of a chance to gossip?

I hate the way people are so curious. When I've had family members die, always a dozen or so people ask, how did they die? Its their first question. Why do they need to know? Do they really want to make me go over it again? It's not a Roman circus. They can get their excitement elsewhere.

If it’s a ‘well known’ person on tv they tend to hint eg ‘police not treating it as suspicious’ usually means suicide
If it’s murder there’s often someone’helping police with their enquiries’

In every death whatever the circumstances there’s a grieving family who deserve privacy in their grief

If someone dies young it is usually unexpected and people deal with a shock in different ways. I don't blame anyone for not wanting to go into details.

It's really nobody's business apart from the family. This thread is strange.

My husband died by suicide at 32. I thought it was extremely rude when people kept asking how he died. Why does it matter? He died and thats that.

If you're not close enough to know what they died of, it's none of your business.

Going through this at the minute and I'm heartily sick of relative stranger's anecdotes about how their Uncle Kenny also had XYZ, but survived.

Or 'Did he smoke?'. As though if he did, it somehow makes the death less heart-rending.

It's so inconsiderate isn't it, a bereaved family depriving online rubber neckers of a chance to gossip?
This.

If it’s a ‘well known’ person on tv they tend to hint eg ‘police not treating it as suspicious’ usually means suicide

When the police say that it could be anything from misadventure, to an accident to a health condition and disrespectful to say it "usually" means anything.

Families have the right to privacy and respect when they are grieving without ghoulish strangers debating how their child/parent/sibling/loved one died.

Check some guidance here.
www.ipso.co.uk/member-publishers/guidance-for-journalists-and-editors/guidance-on-reporting-suicide/