To want some help with childcare on holiday?

[UncleBunclesHouse]

We are trying to book a UK break in the summer after several failed holiday attempts last year. We will have a new baby in April plus our almost 2 year old. I would really like to book a cottage slightly bigger than we need and see if either my mum or our nanny can join us, at least for part of the week, to help out. We haven’t been on holiday since 2018, the last year has really taken its toll, difficult pregnancy etc etc. I am a wreck and the thought of going away with a newborn and 2 year old isn’t the most relaxing idea, although it would be nice to just get away at all given the circumstances.

My husband says he wants us to go on our own as a family. I understand what he is saying, but fact of the matter is he isn’t especially proactive on the domestic front so if we are self catering I can see it will just be same shit, different location for me with washing, cleaning up, feeding the baby...I’d like to have a break myself, maybe be able to go out for dinner alone a couple of nights. I don’t care about paying more, getting a bigger place, or potentially sharing the holiday on balance.

AIBU?

I hated SC holidays when DC were little - it got to the point that I told DH if he booked another one I wasn't going.... After that we went to Bedruthen Steps Hotel in Cornwall a few times as they had childcare on site (including for babies) and all the stuff you need like sterilsers etc. They offered baby listening and could get a babysitter if you needed one. DC loved it and as everyone else was a family with littlies people were accommodating about the noise they make from time to time.

Another vote for booking a luxury family friendly hotel.

Taking a newborn and nearly 2 year old on holiday won't be a holiday. We've decided to just do day trips while ours are young as otherwise it'll jo doubt affect their sleep and just be same shit, different location, exactly as you said. I'd take your nanny if you can or otherwise give up on the holiday entirely. It won't be a break if you don't get a break from your DC.

I’ve had some lovely holidays with toddlers and babies. For them to work the holiday has to be nicer/easier than normal life otherwise it’s not a holiday it’s a change of scene.

Yanbu about lack of domestic input from your DH but I understand him wanting to go away with the nanny or his mother in law.

Can you try and "outsource" as much of the holiday work as possible? Plan a couple of takeaways, buy some cook meals & ready made pizzas etc to take with you? Couple of tubs of soup and loaves of bread for lunch? Pay for a check out cleaner etc.

Have rules too about him doing his share with the laundry/tidying while there, if you usually use washable nappies maybe have a week of disposables or compostables to give yourselves a break from washing.

I went away with DH when DS was 3.5 months and actually it was fine, he was so portable, no worrying about food etc, much easier than when they are a few months older.

"Taking a newborn and nearly 2 year old on holiday won't be a holiday"

In your experience maybe, not mine. We loved it.

I think it's very cruel to invite your mother along just to be a nanny/housekeeper.
You need to readjust your relationship with DH, if you will end up doing all the work - that is unacceptable. My DH would never leave me to do all the work on holiday (even if I do the majority normally, but that's because of the way we split paid work and child/house work - holiday time is different). This issue needs to be dealt with now, or it may cause resentment over time.