To want some help with childcare on holiday?

[UncleBunclesHouse]

We are trying to book a UK break in the summer after several failed holiday attempts last year. We will have a new baby in April plus our almost 2 year old. I would really like to book a cottage slightly bigger than we need and see if either my mum or our nanny can join us, at least for part of the week, to help out. We haven’t been on holiday since 2018, the last year has really taken its toll, difficult pregnancy etc etc. I am a wreck and the thought of going away with a newborn and 2 year old isn’t the most relaxing idea, although it would be nice to just get away at all given the circumstances.

My husband says he wants us to go on our own as a family. I understand what he is saying, but fact of the matter is he isn’t especially proactive on the domestic front so if we are self catering I can see it will just be same shit, different location for me with washing, cleaning up, feeding the baby...I’d like to have a break myself, maybe be able to go out for dinner alone a couple of nights. I don’t care about paying more, getting a bigger place, or potentially sharing the holiday on balance.

AIBU?

I can see it will just be same shit, different location for me

This reminds me of pretty much what I said to DH several years ago when we were going on a family break, although although it wasn't that I wanted childcare while we were away.

My DC were both in primary school at the time, so not as young as yours.

He couldn't quite see my point in saying it wasn't much of a holiday for me doing the same stuff in a different location, as it was nice surroundings and we would be doing fun things during the day. So I said he should go on the holiday with the DC and I would stay at home.

He realised him on holiday with the kids without me wouldn't be so enjoyable, so he then did what I wanted.

In your position with a newborn and toddler, I can fully understand why you'd like additional help.

A holiday is meant to be relaxing...not doing the same old same in a different environment.

Possibly not for this trip if you want a long break but I can highly recommend the luxury family hotels group, depends where you are based but a good vibe for families, all kit provided, babysitters available, children's tea time etc and usually 2 hours a day crèche included (not sure what covid will do to that!)

We've stayed at a few of them now as I've had the same feeling of wanting a bit of a break but not wanting nanny there all the time.

www.luxuryfamilyhotels.co.uk

I am due a baby in April and I have a 6 year old, and I've been on both self catering and hotel holidays over the last 6 years.

OP, you are not being unreasonable. You deserve a proper break. Your dh needs to guarantee that he'll step up. Plus having someone else with you for a few days is a good compromise.

Personally, I'd choose self catering as it's easier to manage a 2 year old in self catering. Eat take aways and convenience foods as much as possible.

@starsinyourpies wow this looks amazing! Will take a look into some of these thank you so much

@UncleBunclesHouse feel free to PM if you want advice on specific hotels.

We found self catering within a hotel complex to be a good option. You can go to the spa while DH manages or eat in the hotel.

Look at Chesters Stables.

Also minimum cleaning, ready meals etc

Funny how the "only family" card gets played when he doesn't think he will be doing the work! I would go one step further. "This sounds like a great idea as I need a holiday! So YOU can do all the work, all the meals, entertaining, packing, cleaning as I plan to read all these books!"

I’m really surprised with all the anti self-catering comments!

We’ve always been self-catering since we’ve had DC aside from a few odd hotel nights out of necessity.

Yes there’s a bit of ‘same shit, different location’ but I find it so much less stressful to have our own private space. You’re never stuck in a hotel room after DC are in bed. You’re not stuck in a hotel room if your DC decide to wake up 2 hours before breakfast service starts. You can potter around in your PJs as much as you like. As long as you choose accommodation wisely you can let DCs roam around your accommodation rather than having to keep an eye on them in a restaurant or by a pool.

We always get a supermarket delivery pre ordered for the evening we arrive and go for easy meals (I’m very much a from scratch cook at home but it’s pizzas and ready meals and pre-packed mezzes all the way on holiday). I still find this vastly more relaxing than being at home.

For the OP - If you have the option to bring your nanny along for part of the holiday it sounds ideal to me, I would do that. I’ve had nanny before and I would have hated bringing her on holiday with us, I’d have found it really intrusive, but loads of people do!

I just wouldn’t go on a self catering holiday in the first place , irrespective of what age the children are .

Even if you’re doing cooking and a bit of cleaning on a self-catering holiday I still find the ‘mental load’ vastly reduced. The nagging bits of life admin, work, diy, cleaning etc that are always in the background at home can’t be done on holiday. Throwing a pizza in the oven for dinner and wiping down the kitchen worktops before you leave is hardly any effort.

Maybe it's because we only had one DC but we had some good holidays when DS was young. We always went sc so he didn't have to sleep in the same room, and generally we'd either eat out or when he was very young we treated ourselves to luxury meals from M&S and takeaways. Most cottages have an approved babysitter that they'd recommend so we also used babysitting services a few times.

I don't think it's wrong that your DH wants a nuclear family holiday, but he probably doesn't realise the work involved. Maybe first week in your own then by the second week he'll be desperate for MIL or nanny to join .

We've always gone self catering from when they were very small., with both my parents and the ILs. However, my OH has always been fully engaged with the children, and we did have some ground rules e.g. a fully meal planned internet shop was delivered, the cottage had to have a dishwasher, washing machine and tumble dryer, all adults took it in turns to cook / clear up / etc, and my mum was in charge of the wine selection (expensive tastes, everyone happy to delegate this to her!)

And yes we did go to the UK, with a fully packed estate car, OH was allowed to escape on his bike for a few mornings (everyone was happy for him to escape at this point...) and the most exciting trip out was to the beach or a nearby National Trust place for tea and cake. Fortunately we all quite liked these type of holidays and it wasn't (normally) a case of same shit different place...

The people opposed to a self catering holiday will generally be those who insist on keeping the place spotless at all times, doing half the cleaner's job at the end of the holiday, maintaining DC routine and serving healthy home cooked meals three times a day and dealing with the resultant washing up.

Not those who like to laze around in pyjamas while they nibble on cheese, olives and crisps, read a load of books while DC entertain themselves before going for a bit of a stroll then coming back to have ready made pizza and wine.

Oh, and SC all the way. Kids have their own room - what do you do in a hotel after they've gone to sleep?! What happens if you miss a meal time? What happens if you just fancy toast for tea? At least SC they have their own rooms, there will be a sitting room / kitchen where you can talk / play board games / watch telly, without wondering if you're going to wake the kids up if you turn a light on. We've never taken the kids to a hotel for all of the above reasons.

Plus fish and chips / eating out at lunch / takeaway all work very well in SC.

We holidayed in Cornwall, self catering (for the first time) when DDs were 2 and 10 months. It was the best holiday we've ever had (we were blessed with the weather). The accommodation we chose had a swimming pool, beach access within 500 yards and a bar and restaurant.
I didn't do any cooking though as we'd eat out for most meals or have a take away and we'd travel around visiting different attractions.
We paid for premium accommodation and it was really comfortable, with everything we needed to make life easier, such as a dishwasher and heated towel rail etc.

@throwa

Oh, and SC all the way. Kids have their own room - what do you do in a hotel after they've gone to sleep?! What happens if you miss a meal time? What happens if you just fancy toast for tea? At least SC they have their own rooms, there will be a sitting room / kitchen where you can talk / play board games / watch telly, without wondering if you're going to wake the kids up if you turn a light on. We've never taken the kids to a hotel for all of the above reasons.

Plus fish and chips / eating out at lunch / takeaway all work very well in SC.

We’ve either booked adjoining rooms or if we are all sharing ive watched TV , read a book etc but then our children were always ok going to bed late , never had set nap / meal times etc and were happy to sleep through noise / lights etc . I suppose it depends on your children .

I did a holiday with 6 month old plus 4 year old sc and it was fabulous. But all the planning/packing advance seriously nearly did me in . We found a fabulous location with tons of running around space, lodges , walks,beaches etc but a bit remote so we couldn't get takeaways delivered. I did do lots of ready meals and occasional slow cooker things. Plus husband is generally pretty helpfy esp with kids. But it is much the same old same old in a prettier place. Proceed with caution.

We have had occasional weekend s away in luxury family hotels group. I fact we did when mine were 3 months and 4 - and absolutely this is a good Idea. They are super. Also sands hotel in Cornwall.
Big but- still exhausting packing and travelling when the baby is still so small .
Id probably stay at home but insist on him taking over for regular breaks eg you go get your nails done rtc

I’ve just been prompted to look back on my photos from an SC holiday with baby +3yo DCs. We were a budget self catering cottage that was crummy compared to our own home, our supermarket food delivery fell through and DH had to work through significant chunks of it leaving me in charge of everything and taking the DC out on my own on a couple of days. But we still had a lovely time and I have lots of fond memories of the trip.

Maybe I just have different expectations (we were going to interrail across Europe when they were 2 and 5 if covid hadn’t got in the way so clearly I don’t prioritise chilling out!)

"he does all the cooking and cleans up after, does the shopping and getting DC ready in the mornings. He sorts utility bills, builders etc etc. He will do other bits if I ask. But he definitely isn’t proactive and the mental load plus everything else, particularly the small day to day stuff, is generally on me. With a small baby this will obviously be magnified."

What day to day stuff will be "magnified" by a newborn. They don't do much and he's already doing all the cooking and getting the kids ready of a morning. There is no other day to day stuff to do on holiday. None.

I'm with the husband, really unfair to have the in laws tagging along when he wants a family break.

"Oh, and SC all the way. Kids have their own room - what do you do in a hotel after they've gone to sleep?!"

Watch telly, play a game, read, have a drink and a chat.....are you frozen to the spot the minute the kids go to sleep?!

Watch telly, play a game, read, have a drink and a chat.....are you frozen to the spot the minute the kids go to sleep?!

My DC are fairly bomb-proof once they’re sleeping but I’ve heard numerous tales of parents stuck whispering in the dark or drinking wine in the hotel bathroom once the DC are in bed. Unless you have mini-bar your drink options are limited. Unless you hire a babysitter you have to eat dinner before the DC go to bed.

I like to have the option of sitting outside on a summer evening once DC are asleep, fixing myself a G&T, or cheese and wine, or watching a film without worrying about waking anyone up.

Get somewhere with a hot tub. Wonderful when you have young DCs who go to bed early. Not so good with a stroppy teen who likes to hog it on his own.

here is great, loads of babysitters available.www.bedruthan.com/baby-and-toddler-breaks/

here too www.cowleymanor.com/families-pets/kids-at-cowley/

www.stmoritzhotel.co.uk/stay/