Sister's manipulative birthday text

[mrslizaminelli]

NC. Bit of backstory - I have two older half siblings from my father's divorce (both older than me). They had a turbulent upbringing, my mum was the OW and their mum was mentally ill so there was a difficult divorce and remarriage. They've never liked me because they see me as the "replacement child" and something to be jealous of, so they've always been quite harsh with me.

I lived with my mum and our dad during my childhood, my sisters moved out of the family home when I was quite young (they're a good amount of years older than me both). Anyway, my parents were both abused as children, and subsequently they're abusive themselves - primarily getting especially bad after my sisters moved out. A lot of my childhood was quite horrible, and I moved in with a boyfriend as soon as I was legally able to. If I went into detail it would be pages and pages, so I'll just say there was a lot of verbal abuse / mindgames / manipulation and some physical abuse.

I've not spoken to my family in about a year, which inexplicably has pissed my sisters off. They've both sent me some messages throughout the course of the year, where my parents have remained radio silent. However, it was a milestone birthday for me recently (even more shit in lockdown) and one of my sisters sent me a text essentially saying; "Happy birthday! This is such a great time for you. I don't agree with how you've treated our family at all, and I'm not sure why you're treating me and other sister like this. I hope one day we can all work through it".

(Not this word-for-word, but the general gist was "Happy birthday, but you're crazy and you're being inconvenient for no good reason". My other sister sent me a text a while back calling me a liar and telling me I needed to treat our parents with the "respect they deserved" yadda yadda).

Anyway, I'm irritated and it's always this gaslighting that makes me doubt myself. Just wanted to vent about it as it's these microaggressions that slip through the cracks and irritate me all over again. I know she's complaining for the sake of making me feel bad, and she's definitely not doing any work behind the scenes to try and make my parents feel remorse / want to work through this.

Advice, or a handhold would be massively appreciated (or even confirmation that I'm not mad and have made the right choice. Thank you, blessings). x

Block them. They are toxic and are making you unhappy.

Your sisters are also abusive. Don’t let them get to you. I would just message back asking her to leave you alone. Are they enhancing your life in any way?

Thank you both.
Not enhancing my life at all, these texts are the only time they speak to me (even when I was in contact with my parents).

I am afraid I would have to respond, and would tell them they know nothing about your childhood, can therefore make no comment about your relationship with your parents and please drop it

Then bloke

Delete and block.

Forever gone.

That's not a happy birthday text! You are absolutely right in your thinking.

I'd send a message back saying, Just fuck off, bitch. You're not my sister, you've been a cow all my life and I'm blocking you now.

And I'd send the same to the other one.

Kill them with kindness.
Thank you for the Birthday wish.
Life is good.
Stay safe.

Do nothing
Do not give them the drama they crave. You know the truth and that's good enough
Some people are just nasty, no excuses

You owe them no explanation.

I doubt even giving them some context would change things, if they choose not to believe you then you have to deal with the emotions of being made to feel like a liar.

Personally I would block, goodbye. They offer nothing of any value and could actually harm to your mental well-being. You get to choose who to have in your life, family or not it’s irrelevant.

Stick by your guns, you have nothing to explain or validate to them.

Handhold from me.. I had a remarkably similar childhood, and now live miles away from the rest of the family. Any contact from family members throughout my adult life is usually of the gaslighting sort so I've stopped talking to them. The most hurtful bit is not seeing my elderly grandmother but she's always worshipped my abusive father and believes he was only that way because I was a difficult child (I really wasn't!) I would weigh up whether receiving their messages is more or less hurtful than not being in contact with them again, and seriously consider blocking them.

Don't respond to their messages. Either block them or change your number.

Just stay away from their toxic dynamic where you are to blame. Scapegoating & gaslighting is their problem not yours. If you don't want to give them ammunition just reply thanks, hope you're well then block them for good.

Yes yes what @Whythesadface said. Literally use kindness as a shield and they can’t get to you like they want to

I’d also ignore. They will never give you what you deserve, which is acknowledgement and validation of your feelings. Don’t allow their negativity into your life.

They sound like bad people. Just nasty, no excuses. You didn't choose to be born into that family, you owe them nothing. I'd block them but you may not quite want to in which case just ignore. Don't explain or respond in any way. Nasty people don't change nor do they respond well to being put in their place. Keep quiet and get on with your life.

Do you have people in real life to support you? Your sisters are not worth the effort and your parents even less. Do whatever you need to inorder to safeguard yourself, block them all and stay nc. They don't deserve you x

Handhold and hug. I’ve had to block a few toxic family members. It’s sometimes the best thing to do for your mental health and happiness. I hope you can build your own family, be it with friends or a romantic partner.

Change your number and block them on everything.

Ignore them completely.

People who bring nothing but misery into your life have no place in your life.

Nope this is guilt tripping and bullying you back into the situation.. The cynical part of me says your parents are older and getting more difficult to deal with. Also if you were ever the scapegoat they probably want you to go back to that role.

Block and get on with your life I did this with my sister 14 years ago and never regretted it, life’s too short to have these out of people around.

Do not respond at all. I wouldn't even respond with kindness, it would be obviously sarcastic and rile them up.

By ignoring your parents you are treating them with the respect they deserve do yourself a favour and do the same with your sisters

Block. Don't even bother spending your time on responding. Do you have better people who are close to you now? I hope so.

Don’t engage.

And I would probably block them.

Your family is characterised by drama. You might want to get some therapy for that as it can be a hard cycle to break. It does sound like you are making good decisions.