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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Open relationship, period is late (help!)

107 replies

stressbabe · 16/02/2021 18:02

Name changed.

TL;DR, I had an open relationship with my husband for about a month, I slept with one person (unprotected, awful I know). He realised he didn't want an open relationship and we were contemplating divorce, but recently decided to try couples' counselling instead and are working on buying a house soon. So far, so good.

However, my period was meant to arrive on the on the 30th Jan - 3rd Feb (usually around that time) and it hasn't arrived. I slept with the other guy about a week and a half ago. How likely is this to just be stress, rather than an unexpected pregnancy? I'm worried that the stress delayed my fertile period. The other man did pull out but he said he "hoped I was on the pill". I took a test a little while back which was negative, but haven't taken one since I slept with the OM. I'm quite scared and I'm putting off taking a test as I'm worried about the results, I'm really hoping my period will come soon and it will just have been because of stress.

Sorry, I don't know if that makes any sense and please try not to slate me too hard. I'm aware I've made some real errors in judgement here.

OP posts:
SeeYouInAnotherLife · 16/02/2021 18:06

It could be stress or it could be pregnancy. None of us can tell you. Be brave and do another test. Your period is a couple of weeks late now so if you are pg, then it will show up on a test.

Then you can work out what to do. There’s nothing to be gained by not facing it. Good luck.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 16/02/2021 18:09

I’d put the house buying on hold and get both a pregnancy and STI check and your husband as well for the latter.

It sounds like a car crash. Within a month (despite lockdown) you’ve had an open relationship, slept with someone else, started counselling and then decided to buy a house.

ghostyslovesheets · 16/02/2021 18:10

Oh dear - well you had unprotected sex - so yes you could be pregnant - you might not be - what a drama

kalidasa · 16/02/2021 18:14

So was your period already late when you slept with him? So you were expecting it any day and assumed you were save? Finding the chronology a bit hard to follow.

Warsawa31 · 16/02/2021 18:17

Jesus that's a lot of change to have in a month isn't it !

As others have said unprotected sex means potential for pregnancy so take another test and see where you are. Also sti test prob a good idea ?

Perpetualheadache · 16/02/2021 18:19

That's a busy month!

Take a pregnancy test. And an STI one too.

BidensWingWoman · 16/02/2021 18:26

So you slept with the other guy after your period was due?

Are you usually fairly regular? Have you had unprotected sex with your husband or anyone else in January?

VinterKvinna · 16/02/2021 18:30

No one here can tell you if you are pg or not

CrocodilesCry · 16/02/2021 18:30

So you slept with the other guy ten days ago...

in that time you missed your period which confusingly should have arrived end of Jan to 3 Feb- before you slept with him

and decided to make a go of it with your DH,

got counselling and bought a house?

You are busy! Smile

Unanananana · 16/02/2021 18:33

What a month you've had!

Take a pregnancy test first. If you are pregnant with another mans child...wow. If not, sort out your contraception. Pulling out is not a method of contraception. Only the very dim and perpetually stupid believe that crap.

Your poor husband needs an STI test asap. Then sort out the car crash that your marriage sounds like.

georgarina · 16/02/2021 18:34

If he pulled out the chance is low...also the fact that you slept with him around the time your period was actually due...that's not the time when you usually ovulate. It's possible...but sounds like you're just having a weird cycle.

Magnificentmug12 · 16/02/2021 18:34

You are a busy gal!

You will have to take a pregnancy test really.

Are you confused if it would be your husbands or the new guy?

MizMoonshine · 16/02/2021 18:35

Take a bloody test!

You're going to worry yourself sick until you get confirmation. Any time you have sex there's a chance of pregnancy. Pee on the stick, put yourself out of your misery ❤️

Ileflottante · 16/02/2021 18:35

What a fucking mess. Excuse my French. Why would you put yourself and your husband’s health at risk by having unprotected sex, open marriage or otherwise???

Windchangeface · 16/02/2021 18:39

Personally I would definitely continue ignoring it OP. Not taking a test and pretending it’s not happening is absolutely the most effective way of avoiding unplanned pregnancy!

Windchangeface · 16/02/2021 18:42

In fact I’m 99% sure you can just ‘think’ the baby away Grin or pass it off as ‘lockdown weight gain’ in a few months time.

Hmm Jeez you’re obviously adult enough to be married and have engaged in an open relationship, just take a test and deal with the outcome. Sooner the better!

ItsJackieWeaverBitch · 16/02/2021 18:42

So your period is about 2 weeks late, you slept with this dude about 10 days ago and you’re back with your husband now? Based on your timings you’re probably ok pregnancy wise but get an STD check ASAP.

You’ve been a very busy lady with the open relationship, the house buying, the counselling... you’ve got more done in the past month than I have in the past year.

MrsBrunch · 16/02/2021 18:44

Why risk an STI, why commit to buying house when you're contemplating divorce and why NOT take a test? Those are my thoughts.

stressbabe · 16/02/2021 18:44

Sorry, just going to answer the questions presented. Thank you for the feedback so far - I'm not trying to get anyone to say I'm pregnant, but I guess I'm just interested if stress is a common cause of a missed period? I've never had one before.

It sounds like a car crash. Within a month (despite lockdown) you’ve had an open relationship, slept with someone else, started counselling and then decided to buy a house.

We've been talking about buying a house for about 6mo, sorry it probably wasn't especially related but I wanted to say it to show things were getting better.

So was your period already late when you slept with him? So you were expecting it any day and assumed you were save? Finding the chronology a bit hard to follow.

Yes, period was already a little late hence why I think it might be stress (?). But this is the latest it's ever been.

So you slept with the other guy after your period was due? Are you usually fairly regular? Have you had unprotected sex with your husband or anyone else in January?

Yes slept with him after it was due. Usually very regular, mostly anytime from the end of a month to the beginning (but always within a 5ish day span and will always be the same amount of days since the end of my period. It's just sometimes the length is different, e.g. four days vs three days bleeding). I have had unprotected sex with my husband I think once within the time frame, but he also pulled out.

Are you confused if it would be your husbands or the new guy?

I guess both, but one would (obviously) be a better option whatever choice we made.

Why would you put yourself and your husband’s health at risk by having unprotected sex, open marriage or otherwise???

I acknowledged it was an error. I'm going to counselling for sexual insecurity and boundary problems, as this has further highlighted a problem. I'm aware I fucked up.

OP posts:
stressbabe · 16/02/2021 18:46

Why risk an STI, why commit to buying house when you're contemplating divorce and why NOT take a test? Those are my thoughts.

We were considering divorce, we are no longer because we are getting external support (he is on antidepressants, we are doing couples counselling etc). I will take a test soon, I'm just wondering if stress is a common thing to cause this. I've never heard of it happening to anyone in my personal life.

And yes, busy life!

OP posts:
JaninaDuszejko · 16/02/2021 18:49

FFS have a pregnancy test and if it is positive then sort out the abortion pill asap. Do not bring a child into this mess. And sort out some reliable long term contraception so you don't get pregnant again.

SmokedDuck · 16/02/2021 18:51

Most people ovulate mid cycle, but a good sign that is that on the day you ovulate your vaginal mucous with be very sticky and mucous like an egg white. You can get pregnant in about a three day window on either side of that day.

If you can remember when you ovulated maybe that would give you some sense of whether you could be pregnant. But the easiest would just be to do a test.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 16/02/2021 18:54

Is your husband aware you had unprotected sex with the other bloke and then had unprotected sex with him?

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 16/02/2021 18:54

Yes stress can delay periods but so can pregnancy. There is only one way to tell which it is. If you are usually regular then I wouldn’t risk assuming it’s stress.

stressbabe · 16/02/2021 18:55

Is your husband aware you had unprotected sex with the other bloke and then had unprotected sex with him?

I've not had unprotected sex with my husband afterwards. The last time I had sex with him was prior to the OM, but yes he is aware of the unprotected part.

Thank you SmokedDuck, that info is very much appreciated.

OP posts: