To ask you ...how would you feel if someone you lived with (who was family) lied about having cancer?

[thewealthyplatypus]

Would you ignore it, mind your own business or would you call them out? I’m finding it increasingly difficult to live with them because of this and DH says IABVU m. Hard hat ready

You sound a little too invested in her health op. Why not get a hobby or something? As long as she is okay what does it matter? There are a thousand reasons why she may have got it wrong/mixed things up/you misunderstood. Seriously.

You don't need to scratch your head, you just need to get on with your own life and stop getting so involved.

@snowydaysandholidays

You sound a little too invested in her health op. Why not get a hobby or something? As long as she is okay what does it matter? There are a thousand reasons why she may have got it wrong/mixed things up/you misunderstood. Seriously.

You don't need to scratch your head, you just need to get on with your own life and stop getting so involved.

What a Twatty thing to say

@thewealthyplatypus I would recommend NOT focussing on whether each individual story is true or false. Look at the relationship in the round and try not to feed the drama. For whatever reason your MIL dramatises her life. Either to the extent of blatant lies or by embellishing. This is likely part of a wider pattern of emotionally immature, maybe manipulative?, behaviour.

Trying to "catch her out" will get you nowhere. You need to detach from the rollercoaster and keep interactions neutral and as unemotional as possible. It is very hard but essential if you want or need to maintain some kind of relationship with her (which I assume you do as she lives with you!).

OP ... you know your MIL better than any of us strangers online... you know her character .. her behaviour ... her personality ... her reputation...

You know better than anyone on here... whether she lied or not ..

trust your instincts 🌺

It sounds like she had cancer and now is living in fear of it returning. I had cancer and it is scary how fragile health is. I feel fine most of the time but it doesn't take much to frighten me again.

It might be that she had a non invasive Early cancer tumour..... the cancer cells don’t have the ability to spread.....but it’s still cancer.....no chemo would be needed then.....and no scans required

If I knew they were actually lying, I couldn't remain on speaking terms with them. I would be disgusted and very angry.

I do know someone who exaggerated his cancer diagnosis. He had pre cancerous cells removed and made a huge deal of saying he was in remission and a survivor, very shortly after DH died from cancer. I found that very difficult to deal with at the time, but now I think a lot of it was fear and misunderstanding. To me that is a slightly different situation.

oldraver classy!

She still claims to be having ‘chemo’ all these years later despite looking fit as a fiddle, walks 5 miles a day and works f/t.

DP is having chemo, he looks as fit as a fiddle and walks the dog each day, he would be working F/T if it wasn't for shielding. I hope no-one thinks he is lying because he's not, he has bile duct cancer and his prognosis is just about as poor as it gets.

I worked with some one like this, who lied about a lot of things which were not health related too. At first I accepted it at face value, but as time went on the stories got more unrealistic, so although I think there was a basis in fact, there was a lot of exaggeration going on. I never expressed my doubts to anyone else, but as I was her manager, I eventually had to refer her to occupational health, and she was unwillingly retired on ill health grounds. She hadn't wanted to retire, she wanted to carry on working but dictate her own terms and conditions. As there is no motive but attention seeking for your mother in laws behaviour, I would ignore it.

@bloodywhitecat

She still claims to be having ‘chemo’ all these years later despite looking fit as a fiddle, walks 5 miles a day and works f/t.

DP is having chemo, he looks as fit as a fiddle and walks the dog each day, he would be working F/T if it wasn't for shielding. I hope no-one thinks he is lying because he's not, he has bile duct cancer and his prognosis is just about as poor as it gets.

I hear you..... I know someone with secondary breast cancer.....she’s 7 years down the line..... but will likely never see her children be adults....constantly on treatment.....looks fit and well....never talks about her horrendous side effects....goes to work because she has children to raise. I hope no one ever comes on a forum to discuss her.... and the possibility of her being a liar

This is one of the worst threads I have ever read, and had no idea there were so many genuinely callous people out there.

'She still claims to be having ‘chemo’ all these years later despite looking fit as a fiddle, walks 5 miles a day and works f/t.'

I am relieved I don't actually know anyone like this in RL. Disgusting.

Are you in Australia OP?

Not everyone who has chemo looks rough. When I was on chemo, the first week of each cycle I would feel terrible and not see anyone. By week 3, I looked "fit as a fiddle".

It is also completely possible for people to work f/t whilst having chemo. It all depends on the drugs and their side effects.

So what is actually more shocking on this thread is not the allegedly callous people with no evidence to support that their cancer diagnosis is fake, but how many people are so ignorant about medical conditions that they would rather call someone fake than maybe consider the possibility that you can look well whilst having a serious illness...

My MIL said she had cancer to try to stop DH going on a holiday with me and the DDs and my mum and dad.

I agree you can't always tell from how someone looks whether they are having treatment or not. DH had a few months to live, had aggressive chemo, but had two weeks of looking seriously unwell then picked up. Until the week he died, you wouldn't have known he had cancer apart from that short period after chemo - he didn't lose his hair, he lost a bit of weight but not dramatically, he was still mobile and never complained.

@Wearywithteens

I have a long standing friend who claims to have cancer but I don’t believe her. She’s also had other ‘life threatening’ illnesses that mysteriously went away...i was told by a stranger at her wedding (30 years ago) ‘isn’t it a shame about her brain tumour’. (She didn’t have one). I posted for guidance on MN probably 15 years ago and got told I was a troll and to F off.

She still claims to be having ‘chemo’ all these years later despite looking fit as a fiddle, walks 5 miles a day and works f/t. I mentioned her to other people over the years and everyone seems to know someone like it. It’s actually more common than you’d think. And to all intents and purposes, she seems normal and down to earth in every other aspect.

I humour it although don’t ask questions or show any great interest or sympathy. We rarely talk about it but she’ll mention it in passing. I’ve come to the conclusion it’s some weird form of attention seeking. So many people are attention seeking these days (SM) so I’ve really learned to accept it but tune it out as much as possible.

You sound like a shit friend

@Wearywithteens

So here I am 15 years later still being called vile names - it’s the absolute truth! Why does this upset people?

I’ve known this woman over 30 years and her tales of life threatening illnesses including lung disease, brain seizures, brain tumours (two allegedly) and now ovarian cancer which she claims to have for the last 15 years.

I see her weekly and the things she’s said over 30 years don’t add up. She’s never looked ill, she works long hours, she has an energetic dog she exercises daily, she’s never been hospitalised for any time, she goes on loads of activity holidays, she has never been laid up as far as I know...

I realise other people with cancer can look well and work etc. But for 15 years straight? I’ve had close family die of cancer - I know what it looks like.

I’m not a shit friend Kitkat - what a vile cheap shot. I’m a patient, caring friend and I listen to her. I’ve been by her side and as good a support as I can be all this time.

You said .... I quote ‘I don’t show any interest or sympathy’....that to me is being a shit friend.