To ask you ...how would you feel if someone you lived with (who was family) lied about having cancer?

[thewealthyplatypus]

Would you ignore it, mind your own business or would you call them out? I’m finding it increasingly difficult to live with them because of this and DH says IABVU m. Hard hat ready

She might not be lying.She also didn't make a bad decision.I'd consider a private hysterectomy if I got pre cancer cells in a smear at menopause age rather than waiting for the NHS to do further tests.

I’d be furious and step right back. Does she live with you?

Gynaecological oncology is a gynae sub-speciality though - so her private gynae may well have been perfectly well qualified to deal with it, without her having to see a specific oncologist.

I know someone who has Pre cancerous cells found on a smear and had a follow up hysterectomy very quickly with no other follow up. She didn't have cancer but that was the treatment plant to prevent it. Maybe that is her way of explaining it?

Is she actually living in your home OP?

Has she definitely had a hysterectomy?

I think I believe her.

Why you are so suspicious of her is something weird. You may not ever find out the 'truth' that you are looking for. That she is a revolting compulsive liar. I think you should stop this now, before you rip your family to shreds with your 'fact finding'. If she is being truthful she will truly despise you for doubting her. If she is being dishonest it probably indicates a far deeper problem with her mental health.

Either way leave well alone. Show some empathy and compassion for her, whatever has happened, what the outcome be kind for goodness sake. People don't have full on hysterectomies based on lies and for attention, and if they are then they desperately need your sympathy not judgement!

It's hard to imagine that a surgeon would do a hysterectomy for absolutely no reason - it's pretty major surgery. She must have had some reason for having it done. And it's quite possible to have ovarian cancer, have a total hysterectomy to get everything removed, and then never see an oncologist or have any more treatment.

That's exactly what happened to me and I've never had to see the oncologist or have any other treatment.

Whether she had cancer or not, she has had major surgery so in your situation I'd just stop speculating and move on.

Did anyone see the news recently of that lady who duped loads of people into paying into her Just Giving Page to fund her lifestyle and gambling addiction?

I'd be angry OP but I would suspect severe mental health issues

I think this is one of those "the boy who cried wolf" situations. She's lied about cancer before, so why would you believe her this time. Just ignore it and get on with your own things. You cant argue it, it could be true, but you cant give her what she wants either as it could he another lie.

Is she in your house long term? I think you'd find yourself more tolerant not living together , my DH is the only adult I could live with.

Ps it is entirely possible they found some early stage cancer which required no further treatment. My mum had a mastectomy with no chemo or radio after..

Do you know she actually had the hysterectomy? Sounds like that was just mentioned after the event too?

What a strange woman your MIL is. She's lied twice about 2 serious health conditions. She pays for a private life altering operation instead of having further investigations and she won't pay her way. Your husband seems to be doing nothing about this. Why does she live with you? How long for? And when will your husband ask her to contribute financially?

I'm not sure why everyone is being so harsh on the OP. The MIL has lied before about having cancer. Once she said she had a terminal brain tumour?

What does your DH think about all this? Have you raised your concerns. With him?

She may not be lying. My mum has just had an operation to remove bowel cancer, which was completely blocking her gut. She's just been told to go back to see the consultant in 3 months. No further treatment.

Does she live with you?
Honestly I'd just leave it, if she is telling the truth and you accuse her of lying then you'll look very bad to everyone around you.

I think you are over invested in this, no one has to tell you their medical issues, it sounds as though you begrudge her spending her own money on private treatment yet you expected her to contribute to your household (if I am reading it correctly?). Why are you expecting her to give you money? There must be some back story.

I am certain she’s had the hysterectomy as she sent (unsolicited 🤣) pictures of her wound. She actually flew to her home country (In the Middle East) so have the procedure done so haven’t actually seen her in person yet. This only took place a few days ago.
I’m glad I posted here, had no idea about not needing further treatment! I had always associated it with chemo, or scans etc. Feeling very guilty for being a judgemental cow tbh! Thank you all for giving my head a wobble!

She might be lying but it's possible she didn't, even if she did before.

Your belief that she is and directed anger will affect your attitude and behaviours towards her. Does she deserve it if she wasn't lying?

And yes she does live with us, as in in our house not hers!

I was diagnosed with a gynae cancer last year. If surgery had achieved clear margins I wouldn't have been referred to the oncologist for follow up treatment. So she may well be telling the truth.

@MyLittleOrangutan I think that’s exactly it, the boy who cried wolf scenario which is awful because I wouldn’t never ever doubt anyone with this kind of thing had I not been present during the first bout and seen her bend the truth with it. But I will 100% be dropping it now!

@goldielockdown2

My mum had a hysterectomy which completely removed the ovarian cancer she had. No other treatment was needed. She wasn't lying.

Similarly my MIL had cancer of the uterus and had a hysterectomy and there was nothing afterwards. Are you sure you are even right here?

It’s understandable that you doubt her given the history. On the basis that she says she’s completely recovered, presumably no additional care/sympathy is required. Time to tackle her lack of contribution.

I would stop now, she will be pick up on your subtle doubts about her creditability and honestly and may never forgive you.

I would never forgive someone that said I lied about cancer, and would no longer want them in my life (which is perhaps your goal op)
What you are doing is unkind and really deeply offensive, picking into someone's medical history and suffering and trying to sniff out any discrepancies. It is really unsavoury and you don't sound like a very nice person.

It is none of your business op regardless.