If both your parents worked long hours...

[Spry]

When you were growing up, did both your parents work long hours? Or did you live with a single parent who worked long hours?

If so, how did you find it? And what has it meant for you in the years since then?

How much did you actually see of your parents?

Who looked after you when your parents were working late at night or if they were away overnight on work trips? What about the school holidays?

Sorry about all the questions... I'm just trying to get an honest sense of how it actually works to be the child of parents who both give a lot to their jobs.

Before we had children, my partner and I both worked v long hours (80+ a week would not be unusual) in different fields, and earned similar amounts. Since having children, he's continued working in that way and I now just work sporadically, always v part-time, to be around to look after the children (primary aged).

I feel I'm wasting my skills and all the incredibly hard work I did in building up a career and I'm obviously not earning anything like as much as I used to.

However, I just don't think it would be fair on the children to have us both working such long hours, and I would miss them.

My partner doesn't think he can cut his hours down at all. No one with any responsibility in my industry works 9-5: crazy hours are the norm.

I suspect the answer is for me to find fulfilling work in a profession with more reasonable working hours, but I'm yet to work out what that is.

I sometimes wonder though if I'm just being feeble and that I underestimate our children's capacity to manage with seeing me substantially less than at present. Other families seem to manage where both parents hold down demanding, full-time, professional jobs - I've just no idea how!

For this reason, I'd love to hear the honest thoughts of anyone who grew up in a household like this - where you didn't have a parent on hand for much of the time.

Both my parents worked full time and to be honest it really wasn't great. I a SAHM for 12 years because I didn't want the same for my children.

My parents didn't work that long hours but they were certainly disinterested in me even when they were at home.

Although I work FT I have always had the majority of the school holidays off (civil service) and I have been at every school event as I missed out on that.

When I was a child my Mum stayed at home and Dad worked long hours to earn enough to support us all. I know when I was in primary school only 1 other child had a sahm. My Mum volunteered at school to help listen to readers in my class. All the kids liked my Mum and she was nice to all of them. She also made cakes for sales at school. I always had an amazing Easter bonnet every year and won competition every year. She volunteered to make costumes for school plays including for other children who's parents worked full time and did not have time to sew. If there was a school fete she was always running a stall and she often accompanied teacher on school trips. When we went out anywhere she always had kids running up to her to say hello and chat to her. Sometimes I got jealous as she was always busy with school things but did not get paid for any of it. Now I suppose she would be a T/A but in those days just unpaid helper. She always came to every single Sports Day and evening play too. She always cooked at lunchtime from scratch and sometimes suggested to me I invite a particular child home 'to play' after school. She then fed child up. I didn't realise at the time but if she thought a child was underfed or dirty/smelly she always suggested that child was to be invited to 'play' after school and she would sew up their broken clothes whilst they played. I remember she put a new zip in one girls coat because it did not do up in the winter. When I had a birthday party I always had to invite the whole class, even kids I was not keen on. She eased off a bit in secondary but still invited my sisters friend who lived in a children's home to have tea with us at least once a week and when she got pregnant at 14 she came to tell my Mum and ask for help rather than telling the person running the home. Mum was 100 percent there for me and my sisters everyday, but also for other people's children too. I chose to stay home with my first 2 DC and went back to teaching once they were both at school. I had a third DC but decided to go back to work after a year at home. I could only do this because my Mum offered to look after ds 4 days a week and 1 day he went to nursery. It has not harmed him in any way nor does he feel I should have stayed home. I do remember feeling sorry for one boy who won at Sports Day every year but his parents were both working and no one came to see him. I can remember my Mum telling him she would be cheering for him, so he did have someone there for him.

caringcarer Your mum sounds like an amazing person, your post made my eyes water. Some people are just good people.

@caringcarer

When I was a child my Mum stayed at home and Dad worked long hours to earn enough to support us all. I know when I was in primary school only 1 other child had a sahm. My Mum volunteered at school to help listen to readers in my class. All the kids liked my Mum and she was nice to all of them. She also made cakes for sales at school. I always had an amazing Easter bonnet every year and won competition every year. She volunteered to make costumes for school plays including for other children who's parents worked full time and did not have time to sew. If there was a school fete she was always running a stall and she often accompanied teacher on school trips. When we went out anywhere she always had kids running up to her to say hello and chat to her. Sometimes I got jealous as she was always busy with school things but did not get paid for any of it. Now I suppose she would be a T/A but in those days just unpaid helper. She always came to every single Sports Day and evening play too. She always cooked at lunchtime from scratch and sometimes suggested to me I invite a particular child home 'to play' after school. She then fed child up. I didn't realise at the time but if she thought a child was underfed or dirty/smelly she always suggested that child was to be invited to 'play' after school and she would sew up their broken clothes whilst they played. I remember she put a new zip in one girls coat because it did not do up in the winter. When I had a birthday party I always had to invite the whole class, even kids I was not keen on. She eased off a bit in secondary but still invited my sisters friend who lived in a children's home to have tea with us at least once a week and when she got pregnant at 14 she came to tell my Mum and ask for help rather than telling the person running the home. Mum was 100 percent there for me and my sisters everyday, but also for other people's children too. I chose to stay home with my first 2 DC and went back to teaching once they were both at school. I had a third DC but decided to go back to work after a year at home. I could only do this because my Mum offered to look after ds 4 days a week and 1 day he went to nursery. It has not harmed him in any way nor does he feel I should have stayed home. I do remember feeling sorry for one boy who won at Sports Day every year but his parents were both working and no one came to see him. I can remember my Mum telling him she would be cheering for him, so he did have someone there for him.

What a lovely mum