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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for the money?

77 replies

HotRat · 15/02/2021 19:39

My friend asked me to buy a printer for her, as she is shielding and I'm not. So I did, it was £35. At the time (a month ago) she said she would transfer the money, she asked for my bank details. Since then she's mentioned she will pay a few times (unprompted by me) but hasn't done so.

Aibu to ask for the money? Or petty? Just to add, I have bought plenty of 'smaller' items for her since the pandemic started and never asked for the money. But I did ask for the money for this as £35 is a chunk. She's also asked me to buy more items now for similar amounts.

She is short on cash but spends a lot on clothes orders etc, so it is well within her budget to pay for this.

OP posts:
nimbuscloud · 15/02/2021 19:40

Ask.
And don’t buy anything else for her without getting the money upfront

FortunesFave · 15/02/2021 19:41

It depends. Do you need it? If you do, then definitely ask...say "I really need that 35 please Joan...today would be great"

If you don't need it, stop getting her things in future. Or next time, say "Oh could you transfer the money before I get it please or I won't be able to pay for it"

And if she doesn't, then don't get it.

ChateauMargaux · 15/02/2021 19:41

Dear god yes... ask her and for every other amount when she asks you. You are kind but you are being a mug..

roastpotatoesss · 15/02/2021 19:41

Of course you should ask her for the money she owes you! She’s a CF for not paying it back straight away and will continue to not pay it back if you don’t ask her outright.

Original poster
HotRat · 15/02/2021 19:45

That's the thing - can someone genuinely keep forgetting? Each time I speak to her she says 'oh ill transfer you the money in a minute' unprompted, but then I check my bank account later and she hasn't...

I dont like to think she's taking advantage but I think she may be Sad

OP posts:
bonfireheart · 15/02/2021 19:46

I wouldn't buy anything else for her. I understand she is shielding, so am I, but if she needs stuff she can order stuff online rather than asking you.

rawalpindithelabrador · 15/02/2021 19:48

Ask her. And don't buy her anymore stuff. Don't be such a mug.

christmasathomeagain · 15/02/2021 19:49

Ask and don't buy her anything else. She can't keep 'forgetting' it's deliberate as she thinks you will forget about it.

roastpotatoesss · 15/02/2021 19:49

She obviously isn’t forgetting, and she’s intentionally bringing it up first so you won’t ask. She’s taking you for a ride I’m afraid.

idontlikealdi · 15/02/2021 19:51

Ask and don't buy anything else!

DelphiniumBlue · 15/02/2021 19:52

Ask her. And keep asking until she transfers the money. Like, call her in the morning and if you haven't got it by lunchtime, call again.
And why can't she just order this stuff herself? You say she orders clothes so why not other things?

user234987653 · 15/02/2021 19:52

When she asks for something else, tell her yes, of course. Then forget to get it.

Blacktothepink · 15/02/2021 19:54

What a CF! Ask her for it and only get her things if she gives you the money up front.

TinyCake · 15/02/2021 19:54

Don't buy anything else! I would keep at her until she pays. £35 is a lot!!

AuntieDolly · 15/02/2021 19:54

Or ring her back and say “have you done it yet?” Cheeky mare!

TinyCake · 15/02/2021 19:55

And she could have ordered a printer online?

katy1213 · 15/02/2021 19:55

Add up what she owes, make it clear that you expect immediate payment and don't buy the CF another thing even if she does pay up.
No wonder she can spend a lot on clothes! She has two incomes - yours and her own!

TinyCake · 15/02/2021 19:57

@AuntieDolly

Or ring her back and say “have you done it yet?” Cheeky mare!
This is a good idea. Texts are good for keeping track of things but it will be hard for her to squirm out of it if you ask her. You could even say you'll stay on the line until its done in case there are any issues.
TinyCake · 15/02/2021 19:58

You could even ask if she is having money trouble could she pay you on next pay day? And ask when that is and follow it up.

FamilyOfAliens · 15/02/2021 19:59

It depends. Do you need it? If you do, then definitely ask...say "I really need that 35 please Joan...today would be great"

Who’s Joan? Grin

lazylump72 · 15/02/2021 19:59

HI Friend I really need the money you owe me today.
Err I will sort it she says
Its ok lovely I dont want to put you to any trouble I will wait her til its transfered then i can leave you in peace...
that should do it ! and stay til you get it ,,,then no more getting anything for the cheeky cow!

devildeepbluesea · 15/02/2021 20:00

Fuck that. I'd ask her to repay it as you need it urgently. And then ask her to confirm when she's done it.

Eleoura · 15/02/2021 20:00

If she can order clothes online, she could have ordered her own printer online!!! So are you saying you went out to a shop, bought her a printer, then delivered it to her door??? This itself if bonkers when SO many places deliver!

I completely agree with what roastpotatoess said: she is bringing it up in conversation before you do!

If I'd ever borrowed money or asked someone to buy me something, I'd be mortified if I hadn't paid by now. She is taking you for a ride and sounds like the amounts she is expecting you pay is going up and up! Small the coffee and say no from now on!

If you lose the 'friendship' then you clearly know you were a cash cow and not a friend at all! If she is a true friend, she will understand and either order online herself, or pay you BEFOREHAND of any purcahse you make!

HTH1 · 15/02/2021 20:01

If you have bought others bits and pieces make it up to £50 (assuming the other bits were at least £15) and ask for it same day as you need it back now.

bonfireheart · 15/02/2021 20:01

Ring her, say I'll stay on the phone whilst you go on banking app to transfer it, so can be sure the details are right.