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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask for the money?

77 replies

HotRat · 15/02/2021 19:39

My friend asked me to buy a printer for her, as she is shielding and I'm not. So I did, it was £35. At the time (a month ago) she said she would transfer the money, she asked for my bank details. Since then she's mentioned she will pay a few times (unprompted by me) but hasn't done so.

Aibu to ask for the money? Or petty? Just to add, I have bought plenty of 'smaller' items for her since the pandemic started and never asked for the money. But I did ask for the money for this as £35 is a chunk. She's also asked me to buy more items now for similar amounts.

She is short on cash but spends a lot on clothes orders etc, so it is well within her budget to pay for this.

OP posts:
2bazookas · 15/02/2021 20:51

Just say " You haven't transferred that 35 pounds, Joan, so I'll take it in cash and I need it today. "

Mumoftwoinprimary · 15/02/2021 20:52

Suggest she transfers the money for both the printer and the new thing at the same time.

And also be rather forgetful about ordering the new thing until the money hits your account.

user1471538283 · 15/02/2021 20:54

Ask for all she owes and keep asking until she pays. She is relying on you giving up. It is so disappointing when your friendship to her is worth not paying what she owes.

Original poster
HotRat · 16/02/2021 00:45

Thanks, you've all confirmed what I suspected but was reluctant to admit to myself - she must be intentionally pretending she will pay and then not doing it. I was hoping that wasn't the case, as I feel like our friendship isn't sincere on her side if she is happy to do this to me.

Ive never asked for the cash before for the smaller things, as she just used to ask me for a few pounds worth of groceries each time I went shopping, which I was happy to do as a friend. I guess she doesn't value the friendship, I won't keep buying her stuff. I've also been helping with gardening etc for her, which took ages, she barely even thanked me, so I guess I'm some kind of easy target for her. Like I say, she spends a lot on all kinds of clothes etc then runs low on money before payday, so she can afford to pay me even if it means she buys less other stuff...

OP posts:
MissMarpleDarling · 16/02/2021 01:00

She is taking full advantage of you OP. She is a user.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 16/02/2021 01:23

£35!!! - & I'm still feeling guilty because I left £1 out for a neighbour to buy me some milk when I had covid.
She bought 4 pints instead of two - so I owe her 9p, but a few weeks have elapsed & it feels rude to offer it to her now because its such a piddly amountConfused

but I've written it down & owned it, so I won't feel quite as guilty anymore

homebase123 · 16/02/2021 01:53

I would send one direct text, no apologising or beating around the bush, and then not reply to her again until she's done it.

Just "Can you send over the printer money today please?"

homebase123 · 16/02/2021 01:56

You know you're being perfectly reasonable, but people like this will make you feel like you're not!

I've been there as I find it really awkward asking for money too - they can tell and they abuse it.

Pyewhacket · 16/02/2021 03:22

@nimbuscloud

Ask. And don’t buy anything else for her without getting the money upfront
Absolutely
jazz1995 · 16/02/2021 03:39

@HotRat

That's the thing - can someone genuinely keep forgetting? Each time I speak to her she says 'oh ill transfer you the money in a minute' unprompted, but then I check my bank account later and she hasn't...

I dont like to think she's taking advantage but I think she may be Sad

I think it is yes. Last month my best friend had to lend me some money to pay my rent as work hadn’t paid me and didn’t until a week after. I had totally forgotten until she text 3 days after I had been paid asking if she could have it as she needed to pay her own rent. She asked me in the morning when I had just woken up and had to ask again later in the day when I was more awake!

Next time she asks for something- say “Sure! No problem. Just pop the money into the same bank and I’ll sort it for you!”

jazz1995 · 16/02/2021 03:43

Posted too soon! Definitely don’t buy anything up front for her again. It could be that she’s fucked up with Her money and is waiting to get paid again and is too Embarrassed to admit it so is letting you know she hasn’t forgotten but can’t pay atm. If she was trying to rip you off I’m sure she would just ignore you.

It isn’t unreasonable to ask though- maybe casually say “if you need to wait until payday that’s fine- when is that?”

AgentJohnson · 16/02/2021 04:29

Ask for your money back every time you have contact. She hasn’t forgotten if she mentions the debt unprompted, she has just decided that paying you back isn’t a priority. Given your history of buying her things without her paying you back, she’s just up the £££ ante.

You don’t share similar values and you should stop buying her things.

BarbaraofSeville · 16/02/2021 04:33

if she can order clothes, she can order a printer, although obviously it's a nice thing to do for you to take one round to her if it's only available on click and collect.

But you are absolutely in your rights to insist on the money for the printer, and everything else you buy her. It's not petty to ask for the money, all these little bits add up.

At the beginning of the first lockdown, we were taking bits of groceries to MIL and of course we didn't expect her to pay us, but when it became clear it was going to last more than a few weeks, we did, because we all agreed that all these odd fivers here and there added up to quite a tidy sum.

Your 'friend' is a CF. It's not your responsibility to bankroll her spending. Fine to help her out if she's genuinely struggling, and the first step there would be to make sure she's getting all the benefits she's entitled to and if there's anything else she can do to make sure her income covers her basic necessities, but if she's just spending on clothes, then she needs to prioritise - why does she need a load of new clothes if she's not going out anyway?

londonscalling · 16/02/2021 04:34

Ask again. If she says she'll do it soon then ask her to do it now whilst you're waiting. Don't buy her anything else!

bebarkered · 16/02/2021 04:40

She's taking advantage OP. Does she think you go out to work to earn money to spend on her?! x

Happynow001 · 16/02/2021 04:46

I wonder how much she really does owe you, over and above the £35 for the printer - all those "few pounds" must surely add up. Have you ever added those amounts up?

She doesn't seem to appreciate your friendship (you mention you did a lot of gardening for her, which she "barely thanked" you for).

Sounds like she is very much taking you for granted, OP, but the solution is partly with you. When she next asks you to buy something for her say by all means agree if you still want to, but ask her to transfer the money into your account before you make any purchase- and add the cost of the printer, at the very least. Don't make the purchase if the funds are not in your account.

People will tend to treat you how you permit them to, @HotRat Good luck! 🌹

Porridgeoat · 16/02/2021 05:18

Just don’t buy anything for her unless the money is in your account first

If she requests you purchase an item or even some small items of groceries, say you’re happy to do it once the cash is in your account. And repeat every time.

Conveniently forget to purchase items if no payment is there

Text her and remind her about the cash owed to you. ‘Would you be able to pop the £35 into my account today, cheers’

changingmine · 16/02/2021 05:31

She sounds like an asker Hmm always in touch when they want something and never there when the tables are turned.

Keep asking but I guess she's shown you her true colours.

awesmum · 16/02/2021 06:00

Send her a PayPal invoice.

Sh05 · 16/02/2021 08:50

Ask her for the money today and even after she pays if she asks you to buy her something, send her a link for the item so she can do it herself.
She'll probably ask why you're being weird about buying her stuff so just tell her straight that it's effecting your friendship and so you'd rather not be in a position where you need to keep reminding her to pay you.

bourbonne · 16/02/2021 08:58

With people like that, I reckon it's not so much that they have the intention not to pay you, but more that they have no real intentions whatsoever. She just has a vague feeling of ease that you will let her do as she pleases when she pleases. And she's taking those cues from you, every time you let her get away with it.

justthecat · 16/02/2021 20:20

Beyond rude - just tell her u want it today

Standrewsschool · 16/02/2021 20:28

Ask her again, and text her your details again, so she can’t use that as an excuse. Maybe add some extra few pounds for all those extra goodies you have purchased. Every time you buy something new, you are enabling her and emcoutpraging her to ‘borrow’ more.

Do you know when her payday is? If so, target her then. And keep pestering her until she pays. Don’t feel awkward about it - she’s the one being awkward by not paying. If she says she can’t pay, maybe be upfront and make a sarcastic comment about all the clothes.

Standrewsschool · 16/02/2021 20:29

Good advice that if she wants anything else, forward her the link. Iceland usually have slots available for food. Amazon, John Lewis, m and s etc for everything else.

fourquenelles · 16/02/2021 20:33

And be prepared for her to turn on you and make herself the victim. Some people have more entitlement than Queen Entitled of Entitletown.

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