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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for the money?

77 replies

HotRat · 15/02/2021 19:39

My friend asked me to buy a printer for her, as she is shielding and I'm not. So I did, it was £35. At the time (a month ago) she said she would transfer the money, she asked for my bank details. Since then she's mentioned she will pay a few times (unprompted by me) but hasn't done so.

Aibu to ask for the money? Or petty? Just to add, I have bought plenty of 'smaller' items for her since the pandemic started and never asked for the money. But I did ask for the money for this as £35 is a chunk. She's also asked me to buy more items now for similar amounts.

She is short on cash but spends a lot on clothes orders etc, so it is well within her budget to pay for this.

OP posts:
ExplodingCarrots · 15/02/2021 20:01

She's taking the piss out of you OP. She knows you're a soft touch.
'Hi friend, here are my bank details just in case you've forgotten them. I really need that £35 back now please'

Daphnise · 15/02/2021 20:02

£35 is too much to let go, so she should pay you.

If two or three very clear, unambiguous reminders don't work, followed by one in writing, then she's no longer your friend, and you're better off without her.

FangsForTheMemory · 15/02/2021 20:03

She's probably not getting around to it. I'd ask.

Undies1990 · 15/02/2021 20:03

Ask her for the money. Ask her again and again and again .....

Don't be a mug and buy her anything else.

Simple as that.

ChristOnAPeloton · 15/02/2021 20:05

Keep asking, and if she doesn’t do it then she was never a friend worth keeping.

SummerHouse · 15/02/2021 20:05

Don't do this again. It's not fair for you to be waiting and checking your account and wondering when you will get it back.

It's kind of you to help her out but seriously, do not pay for anything again. If she wants something, surely she could order and pay and you pick if if needs be and if you can be arsed to help such a piss taking friend.

lastqueenofscotland · 15/02/2021 20:06

I can be a bit scatty with things like this. If you gave me a nudge I’d ping it over with an extra £5er to say sorry!

MatildaTheCat · 15/02/2021 20:06

Ask her for the money immediately and when she next asks for something introduce her to internet shopping.

Butchyrestingface · 15/02/2021 20:07

She is short on cash but spends a lot on clothes orders etc, so it is well within her budget to pay for this.

Get her tae fuck.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 15/02/2021 20:09

AIBU to ask for a second opinion - of course you should ask her to transfer the money.
And agree with PP - if she can order clothes online, she should be able to work out that she can order a printer online too.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 15/02/2021 20:10

Absolutely ask for it

Sumwin1 · 15/02/2021 20:11

To be honest I don’t own a printer and I think a lot of people don’t.

Txt your friend and just say can you bank transfer the money please as I am short.. or do it on payday!

It’s the principle OP people who take liberties start like this. Don’t do it.

NovemberR · 15/02/2021 20:12

I would send a text to her saying, Could you please transfer the £35 for the printer to my bank, immediately. I need it. I feel embarrassed to insist on this, but I've raised it several times and you haven't yet done so. Many thanks.

If she's any grace at all she should feel bad. And don't ever buy anything else for her. In future you should say, 'Sure. You transfer the money in and I'll be able to. I'll need the money first, though^.

She's taking the piss.

RB68 · 15/02/2021 20:13

yes ask - don't buy anything else till she pays and then ask for it in advance for future purposes - she is a scrounge

overnightangel · 15/02/2021 20:13

YANBU to ask for the money
YABU to be such a doormat and be friends with a pisstaker

bourbonne · 15/02/2021 20:20

Why would it make you look petty? Do you think she is worrying about whether she looks inconsiderate or like a thief?

Do not buy her anything again unless she transfers you the money in advance. If she hasn't got the money, tell her you haven't either.

Act like you genuinely need it right now. Act like she will, of course, understand this and want to pay you back. Act like she wants you to remind her, because her sieve-like brain is getting in the way of the good intentions that you're sure she has.

It would never cross my mind to ask someone to buy me something without giving them the money first, unless it was some milk or something, and even then I'd feel awkward about it until I'd pressed the coins into their hand.

Cpl1586407 · 15/02/2021 20:24

You're not being petty and ignore the poster who asked if you really need it (wtf?)

This person is taking advantage of you. Ask for the money back and chase her until she pays it back the cheeky mare (her not you obvs)

Cpl1586407 · 15/02/2021 20:24

Lol pays back the money that should say! Oops!

MissBaskinIfYoureNasty · 15/02/2021 20:24

Omg just ask outright for it! She's taking the piss. Stick up for yourself!

PotterHead1985 · 15/02/2021 20:41

I had the misfortune last year to find myself in need of a lend of £20 quid a couple times. When I asked (mortified) I made it clear a, what it was for - necessities, b, why I had to ask - other necessities (needed extra coal or something that I hadn't budgeted for) and c, exactly what day I got paid and would return it. I then returned it on the day specified with my eternal thanks.
And then got them a little something at Christmas as an extra thank you.

Your friend is taking you for a ride. Demand it back, today and dont buy them anything again without money up front.

SaltyTootsieToes · 15/02/2021 20:41

Ask her for the money. Contact her and say you need it and please do it now

DO NOT GET ANYTHING else for her until she pays snd then you get the funds in advance. If she asks you, tell her you can’t continue to subsidise her. You’ll need payment in advance.

She’s entirely in the wrong here.

Hannahusky · 15/02/2021 20:45

Definitely ask her. It doesn't matter what her current budget is. She's a grown woman and she asked you to buy her something to she should be able to pay. I agree with others - don't buy her any more things until she does pay. There's being nice and there's being taken advantage of.

SirGawain · 15/02/2021 20:46

She’s a freeloader and has every intention of not paying you back.

TillyTopper · 15/02/2021 20:47

Give her a call, ask "Please could you transfer the £35 for the printer to me as I need to pay X". She then can't get out of it - don't lend her anything else!

polarbearoverthere · 15/02/2021 20:49

Is there any chance she’s made a mistake with your bank details?