DD can have a phone when she starts secondary school

[Bluewavescrashing]

DD 10 has very young tastes. Lego, art etc. She wants a phone now. I'm saying no as girls are a menace on chat, bullying. She has a 7yo little brother. She hates video chat on my phone-finds it stressful.

Mine got one at beginning of year 6 (for boring reasons I won’t go into) but beginning of year 7 (or birthday before) is standard.

YANBU. My dd (8) won't get a phone til she starts secondary school and will be going to school alone. It will have restricted access to Internet (if any access).

Gave mine a phone in the April of year 6. Felt like the right timing in terms of her getting used to it etc for September when she started secondary.

My DC got them for 10th birthday, but they both had specific reasons why that was a sensible age. Christmas during year 6 seemed to be the most popular time for them to get their own phone around here.

You are absolutely correct OP. There’s a certain type of girl, the “top table” girl at my DD’s prep, who are vile. Of course 7 years later and they’re certainly not mocking my DD anymore! She’s reading medicine at King’s Medical School in the heart of London, and got 5 A**s at A level. Meanwhile any potential said bitchy girls had seems to have dried up and withered. Last time we saw the ringleader, she was working at Tesco’s. On the meat counter.

DS had one in Y6. He didn’t take it to school until Y7.

OK. Granny will buy her a phone so it's not the money. It's the bitchiness of girls. I want to get the balance right-protecting her and letting her be who she is.

That was our rule for our eldest - pre-covid.

We bought a second hand phone for my 8 year old a few weeks into the first lockdown so she could chat to her cousins and a few friends.

If it hadn't been for the virus we would have stuck to the high school rule but the way the world has changed, changed our minds.

My DS got one in Y5 because he wanted to start doing one night a week boarding but wanted to be able to text me at bedtime rather than talk on a payphone. Now (Y6) there is no flexi-boarding, but there is also no breakfast club (covid) so he leaves after me to walk in and I like to text him to make sure he is actually going!

I think you get them one when they actually need one.

@Bluewavescrashing

OK. Granny will buy her a phone so it's not the money. It's the bitchiness of girls. I want to get the balance right-protecting her and letting her be who she is.

Give her the phone but not free reign over how and when to use it. Needs to be comfortable showing you her messages and what she's using it for, for now. Use in a public part of the house only, not her bedroom.

There are a lot of dangers with kids having phones, but stopping her having it isn't the best solution.

Mine weren’t going to get them ... until the first time my eldest forgot his PE kit, I turned up at the school office with it (pre-Covid) and they looked at me like I was from another planet. Couldn’t I text him, did he know I was coming, hadn’t I arranged to meet him somewhere with it etc.

Also, no contact from the school if they were let out early, kept late etc as they were expected to phone.

And all homework set via app.

We compromised on “access to a family phone”, even though it was effectively his. Keeping it as a “family” phone changed how he used it sufficiently that there was no issue.

@ChairOfThePTA

You are absolutely correct OP. There’s a certain type of girl, the “top table” girl at my DD’s prep, who are vile. Of course 7 years later and they’re certainly not mocking my DD anymore! She’s reading medicine at King’s Medical School in the heart of London, and got 5 A**s at A level. Meanwhile any potential said bitchy girls had seems to have dried up and withered. Last time we saw the ringleader, she was working at Tesco’s. On the meat counter.

Tesco! The meat counter! Oh the horrors!

Whether she was a mean girl or not you sound absolutely horrible and stuck up.

You can get parental control software that monitors what's being sent and received. I got it during lockdown to use on computers as I was working and couldn't monitor kids properly, but it can go on phones too

Of course I’m not stuck up.
I shop in Tesco’s.

Mine is the same age as yours with similar interests very much not yet ‘cool’ if that makes sense?

We’ve just got her a phone, the plan was always when they started high school but lockdown has escalated it so she can keep in touch with her friends and it turned out she really was the last to get one. We have some rules such as turning it off at bedtime, not turning it on until she’s dressed. No downloading apps without checking first, I have her passcode and she knows the day I try and unlock it and can’t it’s gone- not so I can snoop but so that if I feel I need to look I can. We’ve also spoken about internet safety, never putting anything in a text that you wouldn’t say to someone or be happy to be repeated etc. Oh and she knows if I catch her walking out of school with her head down, eyes glued to her phone like a zombie it’s game over.

We’ve also just started leaving her at home for a short amount of time and don’t have a landline so felt it was important for her to be able to contact us if needed or she wanted to.

It’s your call but I’d only let her have one with clear boundaries. My daughters is a contract that lets me set spending limits as I’m not going to be doing my sad face in the daily fail moaning I can’t pay my rent because my daughter spent it all on candy crush extras.

@ChairOfThePTA

Of course I’m not stuck up. I shop in Tesco’s.

Presumably where you saw the girl doing the heinous meat counter job. Good job she was though, wasn’t it? Seeing as you shop there and all.

You’ve made yourself sound no better than her. Except she was a child and you are old enough to know better.

My son starts secondary in September. He is getting one for his birthday in march. He is also very young for his age. We will be keeping a close eye on its usage, like we do with the rest of the technology in the house

I may be old enough to know better, but at least I don’t look it.

@ChairOfThePTA

Of course I’m not stuck up. I shop in Tesco’s.

What's wrong with working in Tesco?

Oh I don’t work in Tesco’s, I just shop there.

Let her have the phone but use it under supervision only. Encourage responsible phone use. My 10yo ds is y5 and frankly has had a phone for a couple of years. Old ones of dh. He doesn't get to carry it round like an adult. Its there to whatsapp call/text relatives and a small group of friends on. He plays pokemon go with dh out and about. He plays games on it. Loves recording silly videos. It's got Spotify, fitbit app, email. I really don't let him have it all that much but its been handy. It's also good for zoom or Google meets where he's in a separate room from his db or I.

I wouldn't spend ££££ or get a contract. He also has a simple older phone with a SIM that he uses to contact us when he walks to school. I wouldn't let him go out anywhere alone with a decent smart phone as it's asking to get mugged.

Strictly no tik tok, Insta, or any other social media apart from WhatsApp which we monitor.

My first cousin got one at about 10 and I was concerned to see a bright girl scrolling through mindless crap. It's time that could be spent reading. Ds isn't allowed to do the scroll of doom. Dh does and I mumsnet so am quite welded to my phone but think dc should read, play music, draw, play games, not be glued to a phone. It forms part of screen time which hed rather save for playing roblox.

Ds1 had his for his 11th birthday, in readiness for Y7 (where a phone is absolutely essential as their school timetable is on an app!).

Ds2 had one on his 10th birthday, last year. We broke our 'no phones before 11' rule because of lockdown, so he had an easier way to stay in touch with his friends.

My kids are still toddlers but I'm interested in this.
I was thinking I would potentially give my daughters a brick phone? I was at the age at around sixth form when smart phones came out. But I had an ipod touch. I just cant imagine my daughters on the internet like i was. It's a different time now, it's more regulated. But like OP said girls can be sooo mean. I just dont want them on social media until their late teens. Will I be fighting a losing battle? Haha
How do you manage it?

What phones do you recommend for starting year 7? DH seems to think that anything less than the latest iPhone means poor DC will stick out

@micc

My kids are still toddlers but I'm interested in this. I was thinking I would potentially give my daughters a brick phone? I was at the age at around sixth form when smart phones came out. But I had an ipod touch. I just cant imagine my daughters on the internet like i was. It's a different time now, it's more regulated. But like OP said girls can be sooo mean. I just dont want them on social media until their late teens. Will I be fighting a losing battle? Haha How do you manage it?

You won't manage it. Teenagers need phones for their social life. Are you going to deny them that?