DD can have a phone when she starts secondary school

[Bluewavescrashing]

DD 10 has very young tastes. Lego, art etc. She wants a phone now. I'm saying no as girls are a menace on chat, bullying. She has a 7yo little brother. She hates video chat on my phone-finds it stressful.

19:34ChairOfThePTA
True story of course.

Mine had his just before breaking up in year 6. To take photos and collect numbers of friends.
Secondary School sets homework and such on an app. The timetable is also on there. They are expected to use it in class sometimes for research.
He has an old iPhone 5 but at home it is not allowed out of the living room. Definitely not allowed in bedrooms.

My son had asd and adhd we've taken control of the word weird since he was young. Our family mottto is it's good to be weird but it's not ok to be annoying.
He's a weird kid he's not gonna be the same as the other kids and that's ok, my point is rather then try and shield him from mean kids I'm giving him the tools and confidence to handle it if they start at him. We talk about things people have said and behaved and what he should do in that situation. I obviously keep a close eye on things but I let him handle things himself.

ChairofthePTA's attitude is exactly why most of us swerve the PTA like finding a blind granny on the dual carriageway.
What a crashing bore.

Mine got one is year 6 as that’s when she started waking from school alone ready for secondary school.

@ChairOfThePTA

You are absolutely correct OP. There’s a certain type of girl, the “top table” girl at my DD’s prep, who are vile. Of course 7 years later and they’re certainly not mocking my DD anymore! She’s reading medicine at King’s Medical School in the heart of London, and got 5 A**s at A level. Meanwhile any potential said bitchy girls had seems to have dried up and withered. Last time we saw the ringleader, she was working at Tesco’s. On the meat counter.

You don’t sound very judgemental and gloaty. Are you sure you weren’t that certain type of top table girl at school?? I bet you were

You DO sound....l

Do your research but there are apps where you can control apps, as in what they can download and time limits for them. Only give it for set times and look at it frequently. Mine have the Google children's accounts. So if they download something from the play store it send me a notification and I have to accept it from my phone or put the password into their device. You can set timers for the phone or individual apps. Make sure she shows you all her contacts and if you are worried about bullying check it daily and don't let her have it alone In her room. That's if you decide to let her have one. Mine don't have a phone but they have tablets. They call their cousins on duo and their school friends on house party

Both dds had old phones with no SIM cards from about 9. Dd1 got her proper phone just as she was starting y7. Dd2 got hers for her birthday in y6, which was pretty standard amongst her friends.

I got my ds' year 6. He didn't take it to school meant he got far more supervision using it before he got free reign in school year 7.

@ChairOfThePTA

You are absolutely correct OP. There’s a certain type of girl, the “top table” girl at my DD’s prep, who are vile. Of course 7 years later and they’re certainly not mocking my DD anymore! She’s reading medicine at King’s Medical School in the heart of London, and got 5 A**s at A level. Meanwhile any potential said bitchy girls had seems to have dried up and withered. Last time we saw the ringleader, she was working at Tesco’s. On the meat counter.

Pretty nasty thing to say about a kid. Children don’t achieve their potential for all sorts of reasons. Kids can be cruel, but adults should offer them guidance not judgement and criticism.

I was probably one of those girls you speak of, but I had a terrible home life sooo.......

I do t think having a phone in Year 7 has any influence on whether you read medicine at Kings or not

Not all girls are ‘bitchy’ my dd is 14. She’s had one since year 6 . She doesn’t bother with Snapchat or Instagram, but has lots of chats on WhatsApp. It’s her lifeline to her friends in lockdown.

Lots of judgemental comments about young girls on this thread. They’re all just individuals. And some are super clever. Even if they did have a phone at 10....

We went with end of y6. We also have the family link app so can control what apps and how long she's on them. Also no devices upstairs and she knows we read her WhatsApp from time to time.

She mostly uses it to talk to her friends, reads (kindle app) and listens to music. She's pretty sensible with it now.

oh, I gave in and got DD one now she is 10. I always wanted to wait till secondary but I think lockdown changed a lot of stuff.

we are yet again at home, no school. all her friends stay in contact via WhatsApp/Video calls. They call each other also frequently. I think it would have been cruel for her to be the only one not to be able to stay in touch.

DS is almost 10 and in Year 5. He’s begging for a phone but he’s not having one for at least another year yet.

I just know it will be a way for the kids at school to bully him and I’m not putting him through it. He likes Animal Crossing and playing with toys. He gets mocked at school for his choices. He struggles socially and I do think he’s Autistic like his younger brother, but it’s never been diagnosed like it has for his brother.

I can see him joining a WhatsApp group and him being the absolute target for cyber bullying by his classmates. I want to shield him from dealing with any of that for as long as I possibly can. And even when he does get a phone, I really don’t want him joining group chats.

He’s got no real proper friends I hope this will change in secondary school.

Ours got phones as an 11th birthday present. Eldest’s birthday is the end of July so we didn’t think that through! So, they weren’t allowed them in school until secondary.
Ours had no need for them in school at primary which is why we said no. It was accepted as a reasoned and rational decision.

Sorry to derail, but what age would you allow Snapchat? Instinct (and experience of young teenagers) would say not at 9. But of course, I have tears cos 2 of dd's mates have it and she feels left out.

@ChairOfThePTA

You are absolutely correct OP. There’s a certain type of girl, the “top table” girl at my DD’s prep, who are vile. Of course 7 years later and they’re certainly not mocking my DD anymore! She’s reading medicine at King’s Medical School in the heart of London, and got 5 A**s at A level. Meanwhile any potential said bitchy girls had seems to have dried up and withered. Last time we saw the ringleader, she was working at Tesco’s. On the meat counter.

This is a typical comment from a member of the PTA. They all think the sun shines out of their kids arses.

There is nothing wrong with working in Tesco.

You're just a nasty bitch.

DD is getting one for her birthday, largely because of Covid. We’ve had quite a drastic change in school finish times which gives a 20m wait for me and DS after he finishes. It makes sense for her to leave school with friends and either catch us up, or walk home alone. I have always said she should have a phone when she is out and about alone, so this is it.

She already has access to an iPad pretty much permanently, so has been getting used to various chats and FaceTiming etc.

@TheMoth I’d definitely say no to Snapchat at 9, and I’m very very relaxed about phones / screen time compared to most of mumsnet. I just think that the way photos disappear after they’re viewed is ripe for abuse, and then there’s no evidence anything happened.
I’d ideally say not under 16, but realistically definitely not under 13.

Yep. That's what I think. I'm pissed off her mates' mums have let them, because it ups the ante for the others, but I've explained to dd that there will ALWAYS be things other kids are allowed to do and she may not be. I don't want to be as strict as my parents and risk her being the kid always last to get it, but I think 9 is too young. And without ld she wouldn't even have a phone.

Yes i agree avoid snapchat

Mine got theirs for their 11th birthday which was just before this latest lockdown. It's been helpful as they've spoken to a couple of friends. Also they can talk to my mum including asking for help with school work (she's ex teacher).

They don't have WhatsApp and not allowed phones in bedrooms - gets charged in dhs study overnight. Dh has control of all app purchases.

We got them as they were walking to school by themselves plus we have extended the time we leave them at home alone now and we have no landline. We lid would be used to them for secondary.

I'd say they were in the last third of the class to get them. We did consider using dhs old phones and just getting a sim but in the end decided that as they were presents we'd get them newish model Samsung phones. Really nothing fancy at all, very much a basic model but something that won't stick out either. Some of their friends have top of the range phones but most seem to be practical mid range or their parents old models.

Their favourite app? Dancing on ice.....

Mine all got one for their 11th birthday so just before starting secondary school.
I did this because I wanted them to get used to one before they went to secondary school, understand what was unacceptable etc.