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Original poster

DD can have a phone when she starts secondary school

106 replies

Bluewavescrashing · 14/02/2021 19:29

DD 10 has very young tastes. Lego, art etc. She wants a phone now. I'm saying no as girls are a menace on chat, bullying. She has a 7yo little brother. She hates video chat on my phone-finds it stressful.

OP posts:
ResIpsaLoquiturInterAlia · 14/02/2021 21:45

@ChairOfThePTA

Many of us are elected active PTA Chairs or Governors if not professionals in education so perhaps you will live more up to your choice username tag if you would be more mindful and diplomatic with empathy in your use of choice words and messages please.

Thank you for your understanding, wisdom and leadership unity skills. Trump leadership style is now old school and he has long left the building until his next legal proceedings.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 14/02/2021 21:59

Mine had phones from about 9. I’m divorced and it meant whichever parent they were with they could have contact with the other, which worked quite well. I allowed Facebook as well, but only allowed them to friend family members / friends I knew. It’s quite nice for ds to have access to photos with me and with his dad (if either of us tag him in things). He’s now 14 and rarely uses social media (neither does ds18).
I know I’m very fortunate that there have never been any issues though. But I try to make sure they know they can come to me with anything, and I won’t judge or be angry.

DontBeShelfish · 14/02/2021 22:00

@ResIpsaLoquiturInterAlia I think Chair is being a little bit flexible with the truth (though I daren't say so, for fear of being accused of troll hunting).

Wishitsnows · 14/02/2021 22:06

I would assume if your child is only just starting in medicine that her classmate may have a job in addition to studies. If not no problem but how would you feel if King's became too much for your dd, she had a breakdown or something and got a job on the counter? Chair of the PTA clearly has more issues than the girls she decided are bitches.

PyongyangKipperbang · 14/02/2021 22:16

This was my rule and 5 of the 6 kids got theres on their birthday before they started high school.

However, I broke it for DD who is 9 due to lockdown so she can keep in touch with her friends and exDH's family. The deal is she can have her phone but I set the passcode and the app account is mine so I can check it whenever I want to.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 14/02/2021 22:16

Oh.. another thought about Snapchat.. often the attraction is the fun filters, but there are other apps you can get that do that. And WhatsApp is probably safer for messaging / sending photos.

BornOnThe4thJuly · 14/02/2021 22:18

@ChairOfThePTA

Of course I’m not stuck up. I shop in Tesco’s. Hmm
Is that a joke? You most definitely going off your previous post!
babbaloushka · 14/02/2021 22:20

@dreamsarefree

What phones do you recommend for starting year 7? DH seems to think that anything less than the latest iPhone means poor DC will stick out Hmm
Mine had our old ones (still decent smart phones) until they showed they were responsible for new ones, neither were remotely bothered, just pleased to have them, I don't think the other kids care too much. DD says the kids that had the latest ones were usually a bit spoiled, unnecessary at that age when it's likely to get left on the bus, in PE bag etc.
midnightstar66 · 14/02/2021 22:41

DD has been walking to/from school since 9.5 so had a phone from then. Thankfully she's not in the 'in crowd' crew so did t communicate with them on her phone. I've head the stories of what goes on though so I'm very glad of that. Thankfully it's a pretty large year group (over 90 dc) so it's easy enough to avoid and stick to your own friendship groups.

Hankunamatata · 14/02/2021 22:49

Mine have ipads. Can facetime their friends - selected numbers. My 6 year old just found my old phone - i wiped it and set to children's mode, with no sim card. Def needed during lockdown

DietrichandDiMaggio · 14/02/2021 22:49

@ChairOfThePTA

You are absolutely correct OP. There’s a certain type of girl, the “top table” girl at my DD’s prep, who are vile. Of course 7 years later and they’re certainly not mocking my DD anymore! She’s reading medicine at King’s Medical School in the heart of London, and got 5 A**s at A level. Meanwhile any potential said bitchy girls had seems to have dried up and withered. Last time we saw the ringleader, she was working at Tesco’s. On the meat counter. Sad
Wow! Aren't you delightful. You talk about 10/11 year old children being bitchy, and hark at you, seven years later, sneering because they haven't turned out to be as wonderful as your daughter.
caringcarer · 14/02/2021 23:30

I did not allow my D's phone or gaming until he was 16. Instead he could borrow a phone when he went out with friends. He has an addictive personality and we just could not risk it any earlier. He had iPad so could message and chat to friends but we could monitor.

Norwayreally · 14/02/2021 23:38

I have an iPhone 7 in the drawer and have bought a new screen protector and case for it for my DS when he starts secondary school in September. He does not need one before then. Many of their friends have had phones since year 4 so they think I’m strict but I really don’t care. They only need one in secondary because they’ll be getting the bus to school.

Sally872 · 15/02/2021 03:30

I planned to get my dd a phone the Christmas before secondary. Ended up age 10 due to lockdown (very old smart phone). Upside of getting it earlier is I have been able to supervise and give more advice than I think she would listen to age 12.

Savethewhales · 15/02/2021 05:38

@ChairOfThePTA

Oh I don’t work in Tesco’s, I just shop there. Smile
What!? not sainsburys or waitrose, you shop at the tesco with the common people, oh my! The scandal!
Savethewhales · 15/02/2021 05:45

My daughter got her first phone it was a little over a hundred pounds and left it sitting on a wall. Her second phone was presumed lost, nobody could find it, was eventually found 3 years later inside the sofa. Moral of that story anyone that buys an iPhone for their child as a first phone will regret it very soon, plus if my kids asked for ipads and iPhones they'd get told where to go, as in f off! Not that I can't afford it I just don't justify paying nearly a thousand pounds for a phone for a child to lose or break it.

oohmamama · 15/02/2021 06:18

@ChairOfThePTA

You are absolutely correct OP. There’s a certain type of girl, the “top table” girl at my DD’s prep, who are vile. Of course 7 years later and they’re certainly not mocking my DD anymore! She’s reading medicine at King’s Medical School in the heart of London, and got 5 A**s at A level. Meanwhile any potential said bitchy girls had seems to have dried up and withered. Last time we saw the ringleader, she was working at Tesco’s. On the meat counter. Sad

This is why I avoid the PTA

Deliaskis · 15/02/2021 07:36

We had also said DD could have one at 11, a few months before high school, but actually got her one at the start of lockdown last year, when she was 9 in yr 4. Would never have done it under normal circumstances but it was her only way to connect with friends for months.

I worried we'd regret it and it would be the source of arguments about spending too much time on it etc. But it really hasn't been that at all. She uses it to play with her friends online, and also messages her cousins and grandparents. She's got a couple of free games on there but otherwise isn't bothered by it.

It was a decision we angst-ed about but it turns out there was no need. It's been a good thing for her and for us.

MargosKaftan · 15/02/2021 08:01

We have a year 6 dc who is young for his age. He didn't want a phone at birthday or Christmas (close together!). However, increasingly it looks like he's going to go to a secondary school thats not in our town. Theres a school bus, but it would be quicker to send him on the train (1 stop, school is v near the station, we live near the station this end, would be similar price for travel and half the time). If hes travelling on completely public transport to school and home, I do want him to be able to call me/DH if there's a problem.

We realised that means we're going to end up giving a phone in the summer anyway, just now it won't be a birthday or Christmas gift, and a phone does feel like its expensive enough it should be a Christmas or birthday gift !

Debating a cheap dumb phone until next Christmas to upgrade.

reefedsail · 15/02/2021 08:18

My DS has an iphone 5 on a cheap Tesco contract that has set limits so he can't rack up costs.

I pay for insurance with a 'no questions asked' like-for-like replacement in case of accidental loss (Apparently. Not had to test it yet- of course he lost the uninsured airpods instead Hmm)

reluctantbrit · 15/02/2021 08:25

DD got a tiny phone/text mobile when she started Y6 as she was allowed to walk back and forth alone.

It was a nightmare, she was heavily bullied for the phone as it wasn’t a smartphone, she got cut off from popular groups as she couldn’t WhatsApp. We lasted until Summer term and she then got a SIM for DH’s old phone she used more as an iPod at home before. As she didn’t do lots of play dates after school anyway we didn’t know the extend of it until quite late and the school put a blind eye on the phone problem.

It so depends on the circumstances. I am not saying you should cater to every whim and 10 year old girls can be mean but I have seen the consequences of doing it differently.

Friends with girls at other schools didn’t have these problems.

She is now in Y9, the school has very strict rules about phones on the ground, and we had the odd .WhatsApp misunderstanding glitch but the phones are such a necessity now, it is worth teaching them a out proper use and rules. DD knows we check unannounced and we have to have the password for all applications. We are following her on Instagram and she has to ask for approval before posting a photo with a person in it.

midnightstar66 · 15/02/2021 08:29

Smart phones have their benefits for safety reasons too. You can see where your dc is with find my iPhone and when dd goes out with her friends for a walk or bike ride (or more recently sledging) she can share her location so I know where she is.

Stokey · 15/02/2021 08:38

We gave my Dd1 an old smartphone for her 11th birthday in November as she was walking to school by herself. So far she doesn't have any social apps apart from Google hangouts which her friends use to message each other & can also be used from computer/tablet. One of her friends with older siblings has Snapchat, TikTok & presumably What's App but I've held off & she hasn't pressured me much.

It does seem like it would be good to get her What's App by then end of primary, although lots of her friends don't have phones or just have basic ones, so there's not lots of pressure. She's probably going out of the borough for secondary though so may well need it then.

I have several friends whose Y7s go to the local school and don't have phones yet. They don't seem bothered by it as all their friends live within a few streets of each other.

HelloDulling · 15/02/2021 08:40

There is a really nasty attitude towards girls on this thread. I have two DC, a girl and a boy. They are both in their teens. I have always kept an eye on phone use for both of them, and can report some girls can be mean and bitchy, but guess what? So can some boys! And the nasty sexual comments are always from boys. Don’t pass on your misogyny to your DDs.

midnightstar66 · 15/02/2021 08:43

I agree @HelloDulling in fact one of the major issues of online bullying that's occurred in DD's year was a boy bullying a girl. Not sexual just the nasty stuff probably normally associated with 'bitchy' girls