DD can have a phone when she starts secondary school

[Bluewavescrashing]

DD 10 has very young tastes. Lego, art etc. She wants a phone now. I'm saying no as girls are a menace on chat, bullying. She has a 7yo little brother. She hates video chat on my phone-finds it stressful.

Yanbu

I don’t like the constant access to friends (or not so friendly school mates!). Too much friend drama that they can’t get away from. They need down time away from this stuff.

If you do get one i'd talk through and agree with her on limits, what to do if getting stressed by any drama, and all that jazz.

@ChairOfThePTA, so why the sad face? What is wrong with working in Tesco's? Your second post reduced women to be the sum total of their appearance. You can't say that your DD will have a happier life based on either.

I am more confused as to why Lego and set are deemed young interests for a 10 year old !
My ds got his phone in the summer holidays before he started secondary school :)

Both my DC got them for the last term in Y6 so they could communicate with friends over summer. They didn’t take them to school until Y7 though

I think most kids get a phone when they go to secondary school. I don't know any that didn't.

Nothing wrong with working at Tesco’s!! It’s the meat counter. Vile. I’m a flexiterian.

@micc

My kids are still toddlers but I'm interested in this. I was thinking I would potentially give my daughters a brick phone? I was at the age at around sixth form when smart phones came out. But I had an ipod touch. I just cant imagine my daughters on the internet like i was. It's a different time now, it's more regulated. But like OP said girls can be sooo mean. I just dont want them on social media until their late teens. Will I be fighting a losing battle? Haha How do you manage it?

Realistically, yes. A lot of socialising happens via whatsapp groups- most Y7/8 students have some social media, even though they are legally too young.

If you don't want them to have unrestricted access to the internet that will be more than reasonable- but you do need to be prepared for "everyone else has..." and for that to be true. They may also make secret accounts via other people's phones etc.

I don't know what the answer is- and I think the way a lot of pre-teens use social media is worrying. But I think by the time your kids have reached that age, things may have changed again. I think a lot of parents of pre-teens now are not 100% savvy to the dangers posed by social media, whereas by the time your kids get there parents may be more aware and cautious.

Mine get phones May half term in year 6. That way nothing important in school is happening and the novelty of a new phone wears off a little by year 7, starting secondary.

They then have all summer to gather phone numbers and learn to use it safely. Helping to make there secondary school travel safer. Whilst stopping it being such a big distraction in that first year.

My dc9 has my very old iPhone 5, but can't actually phone anyone. They use it for roblox.

@ChairOfThePTA your attitude is vile & you sound no better than the bullying girls.

Really hope your attitude doesn't leech into your precious medical prodigy. That would really be going full circle.

My dd 11 yr 6 is 'young' too. I got her a refurbished ipod touch linked to DH account last lock down. She can message and face time. Its been a good introduction to phones while fairly limited. Shes got over then panic of not being instantly available if her friends want to face time. Has learnt to say no not now, come across ( and got it wrong ) the chain text she didn't understand, and I have been able to talk to her about how texts can be easily misinterpreted. She will get a phone for yr 7 but has already told me she wants the cheapest one I can get as she will lose it and doesn't care what the others have !!

I think chair is taking the piss

I would say some time in year 6/7 is standard. Personally I’d be tempted to bring it forward because of lockdown.

Just my view but I would never completely ban phones. They are part of life now and kids should be taught responsible use.

I am very serious about not eating meat. It’s a shame you don’t take the MN rule “though shalt not troll hunt” seriously.

I passed down an old iPhone to dd (year 6) with a payg sim linked to my contract.

There are loads of controls you can put on them in the screen time section of settings (so she can’t add unknown contacts, download apps, use certain apps after a set time at night etc without me putting a code in). No tiktok, insta etc.

It gives her some independence in lockdown and she isn’t in any way obsessed with it.

Thou, chair. Not though

Oh.

Sincere apologies. I’m dyslexic. Undiagnosed but definitely.

if text and talk needed, buy a small low power robust cheap phone that does that. Fabulous things, only need charging once a fortnight.

the unlimited access to porn, grooming and bullying, with a side order of mugging, can wait a bit.

Mine got phones for their birthdays in July year 6 so they could exchange numbers with their primary school friends before leaving primary and keep in touch after they started secondary.

I got a phone for my youngest as an early 10th birthday present last March. Her older sister had one and all her friends. I wanted her to stay connected when the school shut. We’ve had no drama with it. She leaves it out side of her room at bedtime. She is late August birthday in year 6 and still plays with playmobil and dolls more than she uses her phone. It’s been great for keeping in contact with friends. I got the cheapest contract added to my EE contract. It’s a Samsung. My children wouldn’t dare demand a certain brand of phone. We would’ve waited longer if it wasn’t for COViD but definitely by secondary school.

It comes down to whether it is needed and the personality of the child.

DS had one aged 7 but that was because we were living in Austria and he was travelling to school on his own and going to the park with his friends without me as that is the norm there.

We don't live there now but he uses WhatsApp to keep in touch with his old friends. We have agreed on how he can use it and he sticks to those rules. We have never had an issue with drama but if we did, we would cross that bridge then

It's not a phone you're posting about is it? It's a handheld computer that's available for a few quid and more powerful than a computer that cost a thousand quid a few years ago.

It's not a phone.

Ds has my old Samsung. Dd is 9 and dh's old iPhone in ld 1 so she could talk to her mates.ds barely uses it cos he can talk to mates via gaming. They only use theirphones in the house on his WiFi. Dd can often be found playing roblox on kindle, whilst face timing her friend. Sometimes they play lego together, over the phone. No social media. It's not my finest parenting moment, but hearing two little girls laughing and shrieking together makes me feel better.

Have a look at the parental controls for Android and Apple, decide what you want to prevent (eg usage at night, downloading apps without permission, taking photos, using a web browser, receiving calls or texts from anyone not in the contacts etc), and see which system lets you do that. Get a cheap phone, or an old one you’ve stopped using, and set it up safely. At that point, you’ve got the choice on when to give it to her.

I’ve given gradually more freedom to my 12yo (though still with Qustodio filtering her web access, time limits so she can’t use it at night, no social media, has to ask to download apps), but my 9yo’s old iPhone is so controlled it’s basically a brick (no web browser, no camera) and it’ll stay that way probably until she goes to secondary school.

A colleague’s 9yo was recently asked to send personal info and pics over Roblox chat, and was too terrified to tell her mum as the guy had told her that he knew where she lived and he’d kill her whole family if she told anyone - it came out by accident. That’s the sort of scenario you want to avoid, and you can set up the phone in a way that prevents that sort of thing, with a bit of Googling and some time.

Maybe get her a brick phone to start with, and see how she gets on, and then tell her she can have a "proper" smart phone when she goes into Y9 (i.e when she'll be 13 which is a safer age for social media etc).

I am laughing ruefully at the poster who thinks she is going to keep her child off social media until his/her late teens. Also, i really hate these posts that say things like " women are bitches", " girls are bitches" etc. Are you a bitch? If not, then perhaps you can accept that while some women and girls ma be unpleasant, the majority are perfectly nice and normal.