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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Issue when dinner is ready?

91 replies

Anonyy · 14/02/2021 16:59

I cook 90% of the time (the other 10% DP cooks for himself, he never makes meals for me/the family)

But the one thing that annoys me is nearly every time I call through to say dinner is ready he sometimes acknowledges I've said it by saying ok or whatever and other times he doesn't say anything. And then he will continue to watch tv/ or mostly be watching a video on his phone for 5 mins until I normally repeat its ready and he'll come to get it. If I don't repeat myself he'll easily wait 10 mins before coming to get it and the rest of the family are halfway through eating the meal. This isn't a one off, this is every time.

Don't get me wrong he's not a child and I dont expect him to come running through immediately but when a tv can be paused or a phone can be put down surely its polite to come and eat a meal someone has cooked for you before it goes cold?

Sometime I call my 13 yr old a couple of times to say dinner is ready as he hasnt appeared the first time and my DP makes a point of saying he should come when I first say it, but he never does!

Maybe I'm being completely unreasonable, but if somebody was cooking for me I'd come and get my plate when it was ready unless I really couldn't at that moment.

Thoughts?

OP posts:
Inastatus · 14/02/2021 17:00

I’d tell him once then let it get cold. He’ll soon get the message!

Babymamaroon · 14/02/2021 17:02

I'd just stop cooking for him tbh. He doesn't sound as though he appreciates you doing it.

He'll soon start once he's no longer being called.

twoshedsjackson · 14/02/2021 17:02

You could try asking him to back you up with your 13-year-old by leading by example.

funnylittlefloozie · 14/02/2021 17:03

Call once. Maybe twice if you're feeling nice. Then put his plate on the table to get cold and eat your own meal. Do NOT call him again. If he doesnt turn up by the time you've finished eating, wash your own plate up, make yourself a coffee and go and sit down. Repeat at the next mealtime, and so on.

And why doesnt he make dinner for you sometimes? How mean of him!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 14/02/2021 17:03

Yanbu

Drives me made when the kids do this, never mind an adult!

LongDistanceClaret · 14/02/2021 17:04

I think it’s really rude to not come to the table as soon as dinner is ready. I suggest giving a 10 minute notice before you serve up.

If it happens to me, I basically say to DC theirs is going in the bin if they don’t come to the table and eat and they can sort their own dinner. That normally fixes the problem.

Obvs if there is a valid reason for not coming that’s fine (I.e halfway through doing a poo) but not if they are gaming.

00100001 · 14/02/2021 17:05

I'd call once.

I'd be tempted to not plate up for him, and when he saunters through, tell him you thought he didn't want anything, so it's been chucked

poppyzbrite4 · 14/02/2021 17:06

Call once, sit down and start eating.

I'm getting so, so annoyed at these threads. I'm wondering why women are putting up with this shit (he hardly ever cooks) and who the fuck are bringing up these mouthbreathers who treat women like servants. It really is disgusting.

PeakyPaula · 14/02/2021 17:13

ex dp used to do this, I found it really disrespectul to me and set a really bad example to ds.

Toomuchleopard · 14/02/2021 17:18

This happens regularly at my in-laws. MIL cooks and calls everyone in and they all completely ignore her and carry on watching tv. Beyond rude

gerbo · 14/02/2021 17:18

Very rude and fundamentally disrespectful behaviour, my dh wouldn't behave like this, as he appreciates someone taking time to cook for him.

As someone who cooks 3x a day for four of us (division of labour is fair in our house- dh does loads of other stuff, and I like to cook) I think I'd shout once and that's it, as pps have said. Food goes cold, tough cheese. I'm cross on your behalf!

Soontobe60 · 14/02/2021 17:23

If my DH did this more than once I’d probably throw his food in the bin!
I do all the cooking as I only work 1 day a week and I enjoy it. When I say tea’s ready, he comes into the kitchen and helps me serve up.

Original poster
Anonyy · 14/02/2021 17:23

@funnylittlefloozie to be honest I dont even have a valid excuse for why he doesnt cook for me/us except for he clearly doesnt care and think it's my job. The 10% he cooks is when he has a steak which nobody else in the house likes.

He doesnt do anything else round the house either so I dont know why I'm surprised!

OP posts:
OakSnows · 14/02/2021 17:26

Any plus points to him? Or any other reason why he wants a mother/servant rather than an equal?

LongDistanceClaret · 14/02/2021 17:26

Oh dear, what you have there is a man-child. My commiserations.

notanothertakeaway · 14/02/2021 17:29

I'd give a 10 minute warning, let him know when it's ready, then serve yourself the best bits and leave his to go cold

But it's lonely eating in your own, so that's not a great solution really

DDiva · 14/02/2021 17:31

I do most of the cooking and have always made it clear I expect h and dd to come straight to the table when its served. Faffing around and waiting is impolite and ungrateful.

MissMarpleDarling · 14/02/2021 17:31

Why do you cook for him if he doesn't cook for you? I assume the kids aren't his as you said he doesn't cook for them either, just himself. Just let him cook for himself, he doesn't think you guys need to eat so why are you pandering to him.

MistleTOEboughski · 14/02/2021 17:33

How about a massive gong that you strike when it's ready.

Soboredofcorona · 14/02/2021 17:35

My DP did this once. I told him it was extremely rude when I’d gone to the effort of cooking. He never did it again as he’s not a dick.
I just wouldn’t dish anything up for him.

poppyzbrite4 · 14/02/2021 17:37

@MistleTOEboughski

How about a massive gong that you strike when it's ready.
Preferably with his head.

Eating alone, is no different to housekeeping alone and child rearing alone. It's relentless and backbreaking and the amount of women on their fucking knees with exhaustion is horrific. I can't imagine sitting there watching someone I'm meant to love, exhausted to the point of collapse and not lifting a finger to help.

He does fuck all around the house, he can't even be arsed to come and eat food someone has cooked for him. It really is despicable and of course, this dynamic is modelling relationships for the next generation.

Undies1990 · 14/02/2021 17:38

This happens in my house sometimes. I call everyone once and then it's up to them if they want to eat it hot or not. It's incredibly rude and grinds my gears if they don't come straight away but I just crack on and eat what I've made with whoever appears in the kitchen.

FFSAllTheGoodOnesArereadyTaken · 14/02/2021 17:39

Have you told him that it annoys you? What does he say?
I do think it's really rude, when you've made an effort to get everything ready for dinner at the same time, which personally I find takes a lot of mental energy and planning, to just let it go cold is just saying he doesnt care that you went to any effort. Also it's not really an enjoyable family meal, its frankly just odd to sit on your phone for 5 minutes while the rest of your family start eating without you, like he is making some kind of point that he can do what he likes.

JosephineBaker · 14/02/2021 17:40

He’s being a rude, disrespectful arse.

He (and your children) should be there before you’ve served up to clear and lay the table, get everyone’s drinks etc. It’s a home, not a restaurant.

I use Alexa to announce “dinner time” - which she does with an accompanying bell, which amuses me - so everyone washes their hands, comes down and mucks in. It’s helped.

HitchFlix · 14/02/2021 17:47

YANBU I find this really rude. My husband is guilty of it too, not every time but quite often. I'd love to know the mentality behind it - some sort of power play I think? "I'll come when I'm good and ready?" I've asked him and he just says something banal like he "had" to check something on his phone.

Ironically he gets super anxious when the tables are turned! If he's called me for dinner and I'm in the middle of changing DCs nappy or something he gets agitated and keeps telling me to hurry it's getting cold etc. Wild hypocrisy!