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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Issue when dinner is ready?

91 replies

Anonyy · 14/02/2021 16:59

I cook 90% of the time (the other 10% DP cooks for himself, he never makes meals for me/the family)

But the one thing that annoys me is nearly every time I call through to say dinner is ready he sometimes acknowledges I've said it by saying ok or whatever and other times he doesn't say anything. And then he will continue to watch tv/ or mostly be watching a video on his phone for 5 mins until I normally repeat its ready and he'll come to get it. If I don't repeat myself he'll easily wait 10 mins before coming to get it and the rest of the family are halfway through eating the meal. This isn't a one off, this is every time.

Don't get me wrong he's not a child and I dont expect him to come running through immediately but when a tv can be paused or a phone can be put down surely its polite to come and eat a meal someone has cooked for you before it goes cold?

Sometime I call my 13 yr old a couple of times to say dinner is ready as he hasnt appeared the first time and my DP makes a point of saying he should come when I first say it, but he never does!

Maybe I'm being completely unreasonable, but if somebody was cooking for me I'd come and get my plate when it was ready unless I really couldn't at that moment.

Thoughts?

OP posts:

Nancylovesthecock · 14/02/2021 17:52

Yanbu he is incredibly rude.

purplebagladylovesgin · 14/02/2021 17:54

I get really agitated with this. when I've spent an hour cooking, I give a 10 min notice and then call the family and only one person turns up.

It makes me feel like a non person, invisible person.

I've started not getting so upset. I'll put it on the table and chat and eat with whoever turns up. I now only call once. It's their business if they don't get a hot meal. I've done my bit.

Usually they will turn up after about 5 mins. What I do now, rather than being polite and waiting to leave the table when everyone has finished, I get up and get on. I'm not sitting with an empty plate when others have only just started eating.

The other thing I've done if I'm the only person at the table when the meal starts is carry it through to the sitting room and eat watching TV! That's the rebel in me though.

It is rude. But often just thoughtless rather than purposely deviant.

Hahaha88 · 14/02/2021 17:58

what a hypocrite, your son has to come the first time you call by his opinion, but he doesn't?
why do you love a man that has such little respect for you that despite the fact he never bothers to cook for you, or apparently clean etc, he doesn't even respect you enough to come when you say dinners served?

Tbf I usually give a warning call to my family when I'm about to plate up so they know to stop and get their hands washed ready for dinner. But if I called saying it was done and any of them carried on like I hadn't they would be getting called up on their behaviour

InFiveMins · 14/02/2021 17:58

YANBU. He's rude and ungrateful - I'd shout once - and then leave his food to go cold. I'm sure the first few times he'll moan that he 'didn't hear you' but he'll have to make the effort to listen out for you, seeing as you've made the effort to cook him the meal.

Seriously OP - stop putting up with it. Shout him once and then leave him to it.

TinyCake · 14/02/2021 17:59

It's annoying but I'd give a 10 minute warning. Also stops people asking if its nearly ready yet. Still rude of him though.

happystrummer · 14/02/2021 17:59

OMG This happens sometimes in our house with my DP and adult son. It drives me insane and its so rude. If I;ve made the effort to cook you can make the effort to get it when its ready.
We share all the cooking so not such an issue. Like some other pps when I;m cooking I let them know 5 or so minutes before its ready and again when its done and then serve mine taking the best bits and leave them to it If I was cooking most meals and this was happening every time I cooked I;d soon stop cooking for them

Thomasina79 · 14/02/2021 18:16

We’ve got a dinner bell which is donged when the meal is ready, politely the first time and irritably the second time!

SatsumasOrClementines · 14/02/2021 18:31

How ungrateful. I’d stop cooking for him.

I do 80% of the cooking and DW says how much she appreciates it. I do the same when she cooks for us. It takes nothing to come to the table and say thanks.

Heyahun · 14/02/2021 18:35

I’d never cook for him tbh! He can can fuck off and get his own!

Stop letting him get away with this if he never gives anything back

BlankTimes · 14/02/2021 18:39

twoshedsjacksons idea is a well-balanced sensible approach and a very good idea for a calm solution.
You could try asking him to back you up with your 13-year-old by leading by example.

I'm more volatile, I'd switch off the elec supply to the TV or the wifi or disconnect the power from whatever was keeping his attention to make a point and tell him if he ignored a call from me that food was ready again, he'd be modelling his from head to toe.

Walkacrossthesand · 14/02/2021 18:47

purplebaglady I think I'd go one step further - if anyone brings their meal to the living room to join you, I'd turn tv off, get up, & go back to the table with them coming too.

I wouldn't want this to become a creep into 'all sitting watching tv while eating' - you clearly want to sit round the table together, and you surely don't want to encourage them to head down this road.

delilahbucket · 14/02/2021 18:48

This would annoy me, what a man child. He gets told it's ready once and that's it. If it goes cold that's his problem.

tenlittlecygnets · 14/02/2021 19:03

What a rude lazy fucker. I'd just stop cooking for him full stop, then divorce him.

Sunflowers095 · 14/02/2021 19:12

Why are you with him? Doesn't sound like he contributes a lot.

I'd stop cooking for him until he learns to be appreciative, and take on 50% of the house work.

Veterinari · 14/02/2021 19:31

[quote Anonyy]@funnylittlefloozie to be honest I dont even have a valid excuse for why he doesnt cook for me/us except for he clearly doesnt care and think it's my job. The 10% he cooks is when he has a steak which nobody else in the house likes.

He doesnt do anything else round the house either so I dont know why I'm surprised![/quote]
Why would he come when you call? You're clearly just a skivvy he can disrespect at will.

It sounds like he gives zero shits about what you think or feel

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 14/02/2021 19:32

I do say to the kids that the people should be waiting for the food and not the food for the people. I tend to call them a minute or so before it’s all on the table.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 14/02/2021 19:34

Thomasina79 we’ve got a dinner gong here too! It is a bit of a throw back to when we had a slightly bigger house, but I don’t like shouting up the stairs for people.

Ileflottante · 14/02/2021 19:34

What a shitty sounding man.

AnotherCovidQuestion · 14/02/2021 19:42

I’ve done this before and find if they like food then they'll HATE it that you quietly eat it while it's hot - and they don't!

It might be a lonely dinner the first time but I guarantee you, you won't have to do it more than a couple of times.

Actions speak louder than words!

AnotherCovidQuestion · 14/02/2021 19:42

Ps: only works if you don't lecture afterwards though.

Cherrysoup · 14/02/2021 19:43

Bloody hell, stop cooking for him and cleaning for him. Have some self respect!

Brefugee · 14/02/2021 19:47

What is the point of him? (answer this only to yourself)

I give a 10 minute warning. One of the people not cooking sorts drinks out for everyone. If you're not there when its getting dished up you get cold food and aren't allowed to complain.

Have you pointed out his hypocrisy towards your DS? Frankly, I'd probably stop cooking for anyone else except me if i were in your position (ditto washing, tidying etc)

Oblomov21 · 14/02/2021 19:48

I would not stand for this. It is incredibly insulting. But why you've put it with it I don't know.
Since ds's were tiny, I give warnings: we're going in 10, dinner in 10. Followed by "dinner". I expect them to come immediately. And they do.

ImnotCarolineHirons · 14/02/2021 19:55

I give a 10 minute warning then a call when it's out. We have a large and always hungry dog. They were warned if they mucked about, dinner would be in the dog. DC was getting a bit lazy when teenage phone obsession hit so just one time of his fave dinner being the dogs dinner was enough to make sure he's down in time. He had cereal that night I believe.

Several years on, the dog still hovers hopefully at the kitchen door.

Original poster

Anonyy · 14/02/2021 20:09

@missmarpledarling I dont even have an excuse for that either, I guess I just do the cooking as its seen as my job.
We have one young DC together, the 13yr old isn't his.

It's never a 'surprise' when dinner is ready as I almost always use Alexa as a timer when cooking which is in the living room so he hears when I've set it and knows when it goes off that in 5 mins of dishing up it'll be ready.

I've got annoyed before when I've called him several times and he just gets annoyed back and says I'll be there in a minute.

Tbf this is just a small problem in a whole list of things wrong with our relationship but I just wondered if I was being unreasonable over this.

OP posts:

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