To think my DH can piss off.

[comfyslippets]

Our dog has been a bit ill lately and has had a few accidents indoors (wee, poo and sick). My DH refuses to clean this and it's really pissing me off. Every morning when he was ill he came downstairs, had breakfast then sent me a text telling me the dog has been ill and he didn't have time to clean it. Therefore, I had to clean it all up before I went to work (don't really have time either, but can't just leave it there!)
Just walked across my living room floor and came across a wet patch, asked my DD if she knew what it was and she said the dog did a wee in the night. I asked my husband if he knew and he said yes and that he'd sprayed cleaner on it. He's obviously just sprayed something from a distance and left it there! I then went and got proper stuff and scrubbed carpet etc. I said to him you need to do this, why should I just do it and he said he'll never do it. Said he never wanted a dog (apparently, even though he agreed to it) and, as such, will not do anything.
AIBU to think this attitude stinks?

Have to add as well that my dog has brought so much joy to this family as a whole and we all absolutely adore him

Doesn’t sound like he’s brought any joy to your husband though! You said he doesn’t walk him or get involved with his care at all.

This suggests he never really wanted a dog and was railroaded into agreeing because his wife and kids wanted one.

You brought an animal into his house that he didn’t really want, even though you ‘talked him into it’.

It’s absolutely disgusting to let your dog wee, vomit and poo on carpets (ill or not) dog should have been properly house trained. And kept in one room when unwell, for example the utility or conservatory so the floor could be easily mopped and disinfected. It’s not like it was a one off, why was dog in the lounge or carpeted areas when he was having diarrhoea and vomiting?

You wanted the dog and persuaded your husband to ‘want’ one, you’re responsible for cleaning it’s mess I’m afraid. And if dog is ill you need to be getting up before your husband and kids to clean up any mess from overnight!

Our dog was already my dog when I met DH, he was not really a dog person and probably wouldn’t have chosen to have a dog himself, but now he’s ‘our’ dog and we both take care of him and clean up if he’s ever ill. DH will probably make slightly more of a drama out of it, but he’ll do it.

It’s absolutely disgusting to let your dog wee, vomit and poo on carpets (ill or not) dog should have been properly house trained. And kept in one room when unwell, for example the utility or conservatory so the floor could be easily mopped and disinfected. It’s not like it was a one off, why was dog in the lounge or carpeted areas when he was having diarrhoea and vomiting?

Piss off, the poor dog is ill. He’s not being ‘let’ do anything and I’m sure he’s perfectly well housetrained, he can’t help being ill. To lock an animal in a utility room for being ill is bloody cruel, not to mention that not every house has a utility room or conservatory.

I agree with you OP. People want the fun bits of having a dog and then when something crops up "they never wanted the dog so it's not their problem".

Could be worse op. My exH told me, when expressing some exasperation at how hard I was finding the children one day that he didn't care, because 'you were the one who wanted kids'

Your dh sounds like an arsehole! I'd dump him and keep the dog!

It’s absolutely disgusting to let your dog wee, vomit and poo on carpets (ill or not) dog should have been properly house trained. And kept in one room when unwell, for example the utility or conservatory so the floor could be easily mopped and disinfected. It’s not like it was a one off, why was dog in the lounge or carpeted areas when he was having diarrhoea and vomiting?

Oh don't be so bloody ridiculous, like everyone has those rooms. Even if they did, shutting an animal off when they're unwell is cruel . How long was he supposed to be shut off for? Weeks?

@HikeForward

Have to add as well that my dog has brought so much joy to this family as a whole and we all absolutely adore him

Doesn’t sound like he’s brought any joy to your husband though! You said he doesn’t walk him or get involved with his care at all.

This suggests he never really wanted a dog and was railroaded into agreeing because his wife and kids wanted one.

You brought an animal into his house that he didn’t really want, even though you ‘talked him into it’.

It’s absolutely disgusting to let your dog wee, vomit and poo on carpets (ill or not) dog should have been properly house trained. And kept in one room when unwell, for example the utility or conservatory so the floor could be easily mopped and disinfected. It’s not like it was a one off, why was dog in the lounge or carpeted areas when he was having diarrhoea and vomiting?

You wanted the dog and persuaded your husband to ‘want’ one, you’re responsible for cleaning it’s mess I’m afraid. And if dog is ill you need to be getting up before your husband and kids to clean up any mess from overnight!

You don't like dogs much then @HikeForward 😂🙄

@Hikeforward

It’s absolutely disgusting to let your dog wee, vomit and poo on carpets (ill or not) dog should have been properly house trained. And kept in one room when unwell, for example the utility or conservatory so the floor could be easily mopped and disinfected. It’s not like it was a one off, why was dog in the lounge or carpeted areas when he was having diarrhoea and vomiting?

Really?
😂 I suppose you know when a pet is going to be ill in advance? Blimey, you sound great!
And the dog is housetrained, he was ill!!

@hikeforward do you lock the kids in the conservatory when they have a tummy bug too??

It’s absolutely disgusting to let your dog wee, vomit and poo on carpets (ill or not) dog should have been properly house trained. And kept in one room when unwell, for example the utility or conservatory so the floor could be easily mopped and disinfected. It’s not like it was a one off, why was dog in the lounge or carpeted areas when he was having diarrhoea and vomiting

Fuckin a, bet you do this to your sick old granny too? Ah hell just leave her in the conservatory we can hose her off later.

Wish I was God and knew when my animals were going to be sick. Would make life a heap easier

@hikeforward do you lock the kids in the conservatory when they have a tummy bug too??

Kids are human. Dogs aren’t, I don’t think you can really compare. But i would expect kids and any adult with D&V to try to use the bathroom (or a sick bowl or commode/bedpan if they can’t reach the loo on time). If a child or elderly person was incontinent you’d put them in pull ups or incontinence pads, not just leave them to poo, wee and vomit all over the house.

For centuries dogs were outdoor animals (and still are in most parts of the world). I like outdoor dogs. Heated kennel in the garden, a canine companion or two and they seem perfectly happy. Maybe happier than a dog who can’t get out at night so has to poo on the carpet!

Sure you can’t always predict when a dog will have D&V but in this case it wasn’t a one off, dog kept doing it. To me it makes sense dog is contained to one room at night until the D&V episodes pass, a room with a moppable floor! Then all mess is in one place and OP can clean it before she goes to work, no risk of kids stepping in it or slipping on it or a patch of wee/poo/vomit unnoticed behind furniture.

Expecting her husband to clean up after a dog he didn’t want and doesn’t have a bond with is very unreasonable! I’d say the same if it were the other way around, if husband and kids persuaded her to get a dog, why should she have to clean up after a pet she doesn’t want or care for?

Sounds like husband would be happy to get rid of the dog tbh.

My DP does this. Similar situation, we voted regarding getting a dog and only one person said no so we got one. I will never understand how he can just let a poo or wee just sit there but he does and it's not going to change. I've accepted it. Is that the right thing to do? Maybe not but it means I don't get annoyed that he hasn't done something I know he has never done. He pulls his weight in other areas and he has a typical dad relationship with the dog.

Expecting her husband to clean up after a dog he didn’t want and doesn’t have a bond with is very unreasonable! I’d say the same if it were the other way around, if husband and kids persuaded her to get a dog, why should she have to clean up after a pet she doesn’t want or care for?

Because that's what a reasonable,decent grownup would do. For the sake of the house and furnishings if not for the kid's sake or the person's they claim to love.

I think if it your dog it is more of your responsibility however it is very unsanitary for him to leave it whilst there are children around so he should be cleaning it up to make sure they’re not exposed to it.

I will never understand how he can just let a poo or wee just sit there but he does and it's not going to change. I've accepted it.

If he didn’t walk it/feed it etc then I’d say fair enough as it’s bot his dog but cleaning up if it’s made a mess on the floor should be whoever sees it first and clean it ASAP.

Because that's what a reasonable,decent grownup would do. For the sake of the house and furnishings if not for the kid's sake or the person's they claim to love

He just happened to get up first, OP could have got up earlier to check on the dog (especially knowing it was ill) so he didn’t have to come down to poo/vomit/wee in the living room! It doesn’t sound like he wants to keep the dog at all, maybe being told to clean up after it will make him decide it’s time to re-home it.

@HikeForward

Because that's what a reasonable,decent grownup would do. For the sake of the house and furnishings if not for the kid's sake or the person's they claim to love

He just happened to get up first, OP could have got up earlier to check on the dog (especially knowing it was ill) so he didn’t have to come down to poo/vomit/wee in the living room! It doesn’t sound like he wants to keep the dog at all, maybe being told to clean up after it will make him decide it’s time to re-home it.

Jesus the lengths some women would go to mollycoddle and keep a man!

Wake up earlier than needed just that the poor husband doesn't have to look at the mess. Because he's not dealing with it is he?

The poor ickle soul... having to look at it! Doesn't put him off his breakfast though.

Wake up earlier than needed just that the poor husband doesn't have to look at the mess. Because he's not dealing with it is he

What if a child came down early and slipped in the mess made by the dog?

She convinced him to get a dog against his better judgement, now he regrets it and is openly saying he didn’t want it all along.

He doesn’t walk or feed dog or have a bond with him according to OP. Why should he have to clean up dog mess and sick just because he leaves for work earlier?

He’s OP’s dog, she needs to clean up after him even if that means her waking up earlier. Because husband’s made it clear he won’t, and I think that’s a reasonable boundary to set. He doesn’t want the dog!

If OP doesn’t get up early enough to clean up after her dog (or put him in a room away from the kids when he’s ill) dog becomes a hygiene hazard.

Cleaning dog poo, wee and vomit off carpets is a disgusting job that should fall to the person who pushed for the dog in the first place!

@HikeForward what would you say to me then, if my kids were ill? Bearing in mind my (now) exH told me that i needed to shut up about being tired because it was me who wanted kids in the first place? Would he be allowed to absolve himself of responsibility because he didn't want them?

Following your logic, he would be fully within his rights to expect me to do everything, wouldn't he?

From what the op said, he was a bit lukewarm about the idea. He didn't violently object and then suddenly find himself landed with a dog.

It's quite common in relationships for one party to be slightly less enthusiastic than another about things. If he'd been adamant about not having a dog, he could have articulated that and made it clear that he wanted no part of it.

He didn't because there is compromise in relationships and that's what he did. He compromised.

@dontdisturbmenow

We discussed it like adults and he agreed to it. It sounds like he agreed to YOU having a dog and tolerating it.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable @comfyslippets

I didn’t want children, my husband did. I eventually came round to the idea and we have one now. When the baby is sick or has a pooey nappy, I’m not going to leave it because I didn’t want children once.

I got ddog when I was just dating my now DH. But whenever any accidents happen the person that cleans it is simply just the person that observes it first. There's no my dog/your dog comments ever, just The Dog or ddogs name. DH cleans up all garden messes and whoever has the lead on walks does the walk messes. It's not about who enjoys or doesn't enjoy those jobs, it's just about getting it done cos it needs done.

I didn’t want children, my husband did. I eventually came round to the idea and we have one now. When the baby is sick or has a pooey nappy, I’m not going to leave it because I didn’t want children once.

Children are not comparable to animals and I wouldn't personally want a child with someone who came round to the idea and it wasn't what they wanted themselves from the beginning.

It's far too big a commitment to just have a come round to the idea of IMO.

If I met a man who didn't want children and I did, I wouldn't see him as being compatible for the long term.

It may work out fine in the end for people, but there's no way I would start talking a man round to having a baby, when his first feeling is he didn't want them.

I once wanted to go to a certain location for holidays, DH wasn't so keen...but after me showing him all the activities we could do there which he liked, he came round to the idea.

If he didn't like it when we got there, it's just a holiday and we come home in 2 weeks to our normal life. It's not a lifetime commitment like having a child.

To be honest I'm amazed (on other threads) the posts I see where one party has been talked round, or agreed to have a child for their spouse/partner.

I believe a child should be wanted by both parties, without talking round, pressuring or ultimatums. I can see how resentment could creep in down the line if/when difficulties arise.

PP are still mising the point its not just the dog he doesnt want to do any mucky jobs around the house

did he even want dc op

I’m in two minds about this. On one hand, my F insisted on having a dog, completely against my DM’s wishes. She later confided in me that she’d ended up crying at home whilst he was going to collect the said dog, taking me and my siblings with him. (I was only six then, so she told me much later.) Later, he made me pick up all the dog poo in the garden. So he made the rest of us do the hard work for the dog he wanted to have.

On the other hand, my DH isn’t a cat lover, but I had one when we met and he accepted that and is okay with there being three cats now. He’s even been prepared to do more of the work now that my health isn’t good (long Covid). I still do the flee treatment and visits to the vet.

The equivalent of the OP’s DH’s attitude would be if he was downstairs first and saw that one of the cats had brought a dead mouse/bird inside and just ignored it until I came downstairs. By contrast, whichever one of us sees it gets rid of it. But it certainly hasn’t become a bone of contention between us.

It sounds as if the OP mostly does do all the work, along with the DC. It isn’t as if she’s expecting her DH to do all of it. But deliberately refusing to clean up when he’s the one downstairs is totally grim. And also petty.