To think my DH can piss off.

[comfyslippets]

Our dog has been a bit ill lately and has had a few accidents indoors (wee, poo and sick). My DH refuses to clean this and it's really pissing me off. Every morning when he was ill he came downstairs, had breakfast then sent me a text telling me the dog has been ill and he didn't have time to clean it. Therefore, I had to clean it all up before I went to work (don't really have time either, but can't just leave it there!)
Just walked across my living room floor and came across a wet patch, asked my DD if she knew what it was and she said the dog did a wee in the night. I asked my husband if he knew and he said yes and that he'd sprayed cleaner on it. He's obviously just sprayed something from a distance and left it there! I then went and got proper stuff and scrubbed carpet etc. I said to him you need to do this, why should I just do it and he said he'll never do it. Said he never wanted a dog (apparently, even though he agreed to it) and, as such, will not do anything.
AIBU to think this attitude stinks?

@propercrimboselection Exactly! Dining out on the 'I didn't want a dog' when you did agree to it is ridiculous. It's not like I just arrived with the dog one day as a great big surprise and totally ignored his feelings in the matter.

I personally feel that if the decision was eventually mutual to get a dog (regardless of what was thought in the past), then it's everybody's responsibility to look after it. I think sitting in a room with piss and shit in it because at some point, years ago, you never wanted a dog is selfish and dirty. Next time he does it, perhaps I'll leave it too and just say I'm too busy too and see what happens.

I agree with you OP. People want the fun bits of having a dog and then when something crops up "they never wanted the dog so it's not their problem".

Have to add as well that my dog has brought so much joy to this family as a whole and we all absolutely adore him.

We discussed it like adults and he agreed to it.
It sounds like he agreed to YOU having a dog and tolerating it.

By the way, in our case, it's my OH who very much wanted the fog. I relented to make him happy. I otherwise wouldn't have got one.

As it goes, I'm totally besoted with him and can't imagine my life without him. I've become the main carer through working from home and because my life is easier then my OH.

He leaves for work before 7am so I'm the one who picks up any mess if there are any, which rare now but happens if he gets a tummy upset. It's no big deal, I just clear it up.

I think his behaviour is awful. Getting a dog sounds like it was a mutual, family decision and even it wasn’t, sitting around with piles of shit lying around the house just to prove a point is vile. It’s unhygienic and pretty neglectful parenting if you ask me.

Does he like demeaning you in front of the children? Does he want them to think a women’s role is scrubbing on her hands a knees whilst her husband watches with his feet up? Tosser.

Why is everybody insisting that I seemed to have nagged and nagged. He's a bloody adult. He agreed to it after we spoke about it. Admittedly he wasn't as keen as me at first, but then agreed. I didn't go on and on but put my point across as did he, then we agreed.
Now, when the gross bits happen, he says I never wanted a dog which, I think, is selfish, dirty and childish.
Apparently this is all my own fault now because at some point he didn't want one and on my own head be it for the next 10 years.

@comfyslippets

I personally feel that if the decision was eventually mutual to get a dog (regardless of what was thought in the past), then it's everybody's responsibility to look after it. I think sitting in a room with piss and shit in it because at some point, years ago, you never wanted a dog is selfish and dirty. Next time he does it, perhaps I'll leave it too and just say I'm too busy too and see what happens.

What will happen is that you will crack first because no reasonable adult can be in the same room with dog shit/piss/vomit and ignore it for ever. That's without considering damage to carpets,floors etc. To leave it there festering takes a certain degree of fecklessness and selfishness which, by the sound of your posts you don't have.

@theundoingproject Do you know what? I've never really noticed it before, just got on with stuff, but since this has been happening I'm noticing more and more that I do s the shitty jobs. He won't do bathrooms, won't empty bins etc. Does hardly anything unless it's nice jobs that he wants to do.

@AccidentallyOnPurpose
I know. Realistically I could never just let it sit there. Would like to though to see what happens.

I have a puppy, my partner didn’t really want a dog, but wasn’t strongly against one.

I do all of the training, vets, food ordering etc. But as my partner isn’t a total knob he gives the dog attention, takes him for a walk if I can’t, buys food if he is doing the shopping, cleans a mess if he is the first one to find it. It isn’t about who wanted the dog more, it is about being a decent person.

[quote comfyslippets]@theundoingproject Do you know what? I've never really noticed it before, just got on with stuff, but since this has been happening I'm noticing more and more that I do s the shitty jobs. He won't do bathrooms, won't empty bins etc. Does hardly anything unless it's nice jobs that he wants to do. [/quote]
And that's your real problem. The dog is just a symptom, which is situational really because he was poorly for a little bit.

If it was just the dog it would be annoying, but it wouldn't bother you that much.

@comfyslippets

No, he isn't interested in anything else really. He's not horrible to him, but me and DC do everything for him (he's loved very much)

Sorting out household chores including bathrooms includes both of you.

The dog is loved very much but not by your DH and never has been. If your DH has never been involved in caring for the dog I don’t see why he would start now if there are two of you at home. (If alone or you are ill then yes he should.)

@dontdisturbmenow

We discussed it like adults and he agreed to it. It sounds like he agreed to YOU having a dog and tolerating it.

Agree with that.

I'd find it very difficult not to have a real go at DH if I was you OP.

No-one actually enjoys cleaning up "poos and spews" as they're known in our house, but concern for the animal, the rest of the family AND the flooring mean that whoever sees it should clean it up.

Of course it's not reasonable for him to leave it. It's never reasonable in a partnership for one person to always have to do the job no one wants to do.
That said, not sure how it helps, as if he's refusing theres not a lot you can do about it. You've asked, he has said no. In RL partners don't do what they're asked/told however much MN think they should.

Tbh I agree that it's your responsibility as you wanted the dog. It's clear from what you say he never really wanted it and agreed to please you.

The accidents may be a reason he didn't want a dog to begin with.

I would feel the same, but I certainly wouldn't sit in a room with urine as it's a hazard for everyone. At the very least, he could put newspapers over it.

I've had cats in the past which DH agreed to, but it was my decision to have them, so I wouldn't expect him to clean after them.

He didn't do the litter tray unless it got really full and smelly. One of the cats did a number 2 on our bed once (she'd snuk in and the door got closed so she couldn't get to the LT) and DH discovered it. He called out to me and I just threw the duvet cover away. He would only have dealt with it if I wasn't in.

In the same way my DH says he'd like a dog. I'm not keen, but if I agreed, I would expect him to take full responsibility for everything related to the dog as it would be his dog. Walking it, vet bills/trips, feeding, cleaning after it etc.... because these are the reasons I don't want a dog.

You say your H does the nice things like cooking...I wouldn't particularly say cooking is nice (although some do enjoy it) It's something that needs to be done. Certainly more frequently than cleaning the bathroom.

It's blatantly obvious from reading your posts OP that your DH sees it as your job. Whether or not that is because he is a lazy arse who doesn't think he should have to do the boring, grim bits of housework (my personal opinion) or because he thinks it's your dog not his doesn't really matter does it? The fact is he is happy to leave the dog's stinky wee, poo and vomit longer than it needs to be left on the floor, thereby making the floors smell worse in the long run, and I think that is unacceptable.

If I were you, he would be going down in my estimation and respect for him as an adult would be lost. He's acting like a child imo.

People want the fun bits of having a dog and then when something crops up "they never wanted the dog so it's not their problem

It doesn't sound like he wanted any bits of the dog from this post below by the OP, so it's not like he's picking and choosing what to do.

No, he isn't interested in anything else really. He's not horrible to him, but me and DC do everything for him (he's loved very much)

What would he do if you weren’t there for a few days? Just leave your kids playing in faeces because it’s “your job”? It’s totally unhygienic and grim behaviour.

Part of parenting and being an adult is doing tasks you don’t love for the sake of others. He’s behaving like a selfish teenager, not a member of a loving partnership.

I did not want a dog or pet of any kind actually. I was adamant about this as I knew the pet would become my responsibility. I eventually caved after dh took us to see some and the kids begged me. It was emotional blackmail but I accepted my fate at the time.

We got two dogs and they have been pretty much my responsibility ever since, except for when one of them became seriously ill. She had a tumor and after a number of operations the wound wasn’t healing. We sincerely thought she was dying. She had accident after accident and was regularly sick. Dh was amazing. He ensured he was up first every morning so that he could clean any mess before I woke. He sat with her and bathed her wound every single day. Took care of all of the vet visits. He was so kind to her, and by some miracle she is still with us two years on (but still has occasional vomiting episodes that he cleans). I didn’t ask or expect him to do any of this, but I will never forget the compassion he showed her and the fact that he took such good care of her when she needed him. She used to be my shadow but now she follows dh around so I think she knows what he did for her too. Dh can be a bit shit at times, but he really stepped up when it counted. I could not respect any man who behaves like your dh.

I'm surprised so many people would be willing to sit in a room with piss and shit on the floor just to prove a point

Yes, he didn't want the dog but he has children and it's disgusting to expect them to get up and wander around a house with dog mess on the floor. He needs to grow up, clean it up and then speak to the OP about the accidents later on.

@LiaDipa That made me cry a little bit. I'm glad she's ok. Your DH sounds a kind, considerate man.

We have a dog that I don't want, but if something like that happened in my house I would certainly clean it up! As if I'm just going to sit having my breakfast next to a pile of dog mess.

I agree with you, OP. His attitude stinks. He agreed to get the dog with you, like he agreed to have children with you. So he should be taking responsibility for the dirty jobs that go along with both of those things. He's not being honest. He should just own up to the fact he doesn't want to get his hands dirty or do any of the gross jobs. It's not about what he wanted years ago, it's about what he wants now.

I can't believe the poster who suggested that a 9 year old should be cleaning the bathroom to save the dad from having to do it! Are men that fucking precious that minors have to cover their duties now? For God's sake.