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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my DH can piss off.

122 replies

comfyslippets · 13/02/2021 19:57

Our dog has been a bit ill lately and has had a few accidents indoors (wee, poo and sick). My DH refuses to clean this and it's really pissing me off. Every morning when he was ill he came downstairs, had breakfast then sent me a text telling me the dog has been ill and he didn't have time to clean it. Therefore, I had to clean it all up before I went to work (don't really have time either, but can't just leave it there!)
Just walked across my living room floor and came across a wet patch, asked my DD if she knew what it was and she said the dog did a wee in the night. I asked my husband if he knew and he said yes and that he'd sprayed cleaner on it. He's obviously just sprayed something from a distance and left it there! I then went and got proper stuff and scrubbed carpet etc. I said to him you need to do this, why should I just do it and he said he'll never do it. Said he never wanted a dog (apparently, even though he agreed to it) and, as such, will not do anything.
AIBU to think this attitude stinks?

OP posts:
Elsia · 13/02/2021 20:45

I dunno. If my kids and husband railroaded me into getting a dog I wouldn’t be enthusiastic about cleaning up it’s sick either.

I probably would because I am a mug right enough.

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 13/02/2021 20:48

@comfyslippets

No, he isn't interested in anything else really. He's not horrible to him, but me and DC do everything for him (he's loved very much)
There you have it. He has nothing to do with the dog period. Why would he think he'd suddenly start and with the smelly/disgusting stuff? The whole thing is weird,but expected.

However it sounds like you have bigger issues going from your post of how housework is divided. I'd focus on that rather than the dog, as he has a very good comeback/excuse for that "i never wanted it".

I bet he wants and uses the toilet though, he can bloody well clean it.

sunflowersandbuttercups · 13/02/2021 20:53

Whether he wanted the dog or not, as a grown adult, it is both disgusting and irresponsible for him to sit in a room with animal faeces and urine on the floor, let alone allow his children to live in that environment.

He is grim. And immature. And lazy.

No, it's not pleasant to clean up sick/wee/poo but when you have children in the home who could step in it or touch it, you bloody well clean it up.

SnarkyBag · 13/02/2021 20:55

I wanted a dog DH didn’t really but agreed because of how much I wanted one. For the first year he was not interested in Ddog and dog was very much my responsibility. DH is now in love with dog and does take him for walks at the weekend for me but doesn’t do poo patrol in the garden and wouldn’t clean up sick or pee in the house.
I think this is fair enough I still see the dog as mine and therefore the grotty parts of dog ownership are my problem.

Original poster
comfyslippets · 13/02/2021 21:00

@SnarkyBag I see your point, I really do, but would he sit in a room with a great big wet patch of dog piss all day just because he didn't at some point want a dog? And would you think he was gross because if it?

OP posts:
IloveFebruary · 13/02/2021 21:01

Having a flashback to living with a man who had a cat that hated me.
Every time it did a wee or poo or sick in the house I put a bowl over it and went to work/bed/left it there until he came home to deal with it.

In fairness, his relationship with the cat lasted longer then his relationship with me. Just saying OP.

Cherrypies · 13/02/2021 21:02

I'm on my own now, but when married and had dogs, where one was the family dog, and the other was a particular birthday present for me, it was left to me to deal with, but if I wasn't in or asleep, he would of cleaned it up, would certainly not leave, especially if liquid as you need to soak up as much as possible quickly to avoid seeping further into the carpet/underlay. That's just common sense.

acornsandoaktrees · 13/02/2021 21:03

I really sympathise. We have an old dog with continence issues too. In our house, yes, I clean it up, but there are other jobs that I hate (even more than that) which my dh does, so I feel it evens itself out. I do think it's odd he is texting you (my dh does clean it up if I'm not about but as we're not going anywhere ever I usually am) but the fact that you're posting here shows it is obviously a problem for you and so whatever we all say, I think you need to talk about that with him before the resentment grows. Good luck.

Original poster
comfyslippets · 13/02/2021 21:04

@IloveFebruary 😂 That made me laugh.

OP posts:
HikeForward · 13/02/2021 21:11

So he didn’t want a dog, you convinced him to change his mind, and now you expect him to clean up when dog is sick or incontinent indoors?

I think that’s very unfair. It sounds like he was under pressure to have the dog; just because he ‘came round’ to your idea doesn’t mean he wanted it! Possibly he went along with it for a while, now he’s admitting he didn’t want it all along.

You were the one who wanted the dog, so I think it’s your responsibility to clean up after it (especially if it’s making a revolting mess in communal areas!)

Maybe check with your husband to see if he still wants to keep the dog, and discuss whether it enriches his life or just yours?

Rebelwithverysharpclaws · 13/02/2021 21:21

I had a dog before I met my DH, over the years she got old and poo incontinent and for a while he was really fucking passive aggressive about the poo. One time, the poor dog shat all over her rear an hour before I had 30 seven year olds coming for a birthday party. He was refusing to help me clean her up. I said I can't live with this situation, and I would rather put my old dear dog down than live with his attitude. He changed from then on and stopped being such a total cunt and did his share of cleaning the poo. But I still have not forgiven him. Fucking men - so fucking lazy and entitled.

User0ne · 13/02/2021 21:29

Perhaps inform him that he will be cleaning the bathrooms and toilets this month as you've done your share of shit and piss already.

If he argues that opens the conversation about splitting the grim housework jobs more equitably. I'm.not sure how you haven't insisted on sorting that issue out already.

foxhat · 13/02/2021 21:36

I'm afraid I'm another one that thinks you're the one who wanted a dog so it is your responsibility - though if I were DH I would do it if you were not in or were not able to do it yourself (e.g. if you were ill). I certainly would not leave it overnight without even saying anything as that causes much more damage and makes it much harder to clean up.

Merryoldgoat · 13/02/2021 21:40

We have a cat who occasionally vomits or has a toilet accident indoors.

Whichever of us comes across it first cleans it. Properly. Zero issue.

Original poster
comfyslippets · 13/02/2021 21:42

Interesting how it's about 50/50 tbh. I kind of agree with people who say I wanted the dog so it's my responsibility. Fair enough. Still disgusting that a fully grown man can sit in a room of piss all day long just to prove a point though.

OP posts:
Staffy1 · 13/02/2021 21:46

He's an arse for leaving wee there overnight and not even telling you, but mainly for refusing to do some of the cleaning up himself.

WannabemoreWeaver · 13/02/2021 21:48

[quote comfyslippets]@shoxfordian He does 'nice' housework ie cooking because he enjoys it, and washing, but he won't do other stuff. God forbid he'd clean a bathroom. Just lately I've been starting to feel resentful and it causes arguments but he still won't change. [/quote]
He sounds like a knob.

ScrapThatThen · 13/02/2021 21:48

I have a rule that however we decide to divvy up the responsibilities, I won't be the only person who cleans toilets in our home.

Feelingconfused2020 · 13/02/2021 21:52

But I still have not forgiven him. Fucking men - so fucking lazy and entitled.

This has nothing to do with being a man and everything to do with not wanting or committing to a dog. Your DH didn't commit and was landed with a dog. I can't believe you call him.lazy for not wanting to clear up after an incontinent dog that wasn't his!! The Op's did commit regardless of whether he was persuaded or not. He can't back out now because it's tougher or less enjoyable than he imagined.

Londonmummy66 · 13/02/2021 21:57

Tell him that you've decided that as clearing up after the dog is beneath him, the cleaning is now beneath you and he'd beeter shell out for a cleaner.

Gurufloof · 13/02/2021 21:58

Christ alive dog vomit , shit and wee stinks awful. Enough for me to heave when I smell it.
Whoever notices it, cleans it up in my house. One of my dogs spectacularly vomited on me. Whilst I was cleaning myself up, DP was cleaning up the rest. How can anyone sit in the same house as the mess and just leave it? That's rank. Yes we both wanted the animals we have. That doesn't matter when its stuff like vomit, if DP hated the pets with all his being, he would still clean up. It's called adulting.

TurquoiseDragon · 13/02/2021 22:15

Now though, when it comes to cleaning up after him, he says 'I never wanted a dog.'

Next time he says this (and I've read your other posts), reply that you never wanted a husband who treated you like a scivvy.

He needs to pull his weight.

GabsAlot · 13/02/2021 22:30

yes i agree say well i never wanted to be a 50s housewife but here we are-wouldnt put up with him nt cleaning the bathroom

i got a cat that my dh didnt particularly want he never done her litter or anything else to do with bodily fluids that was fine we agreed on this beforehand-sounds lik ehe just went with your decision

SnarkyBag · 13/02/2021 22:51

[quote comfyslippets]@SnarkyBag I see your point, I really do, but would he sit in a room with a great big wet patch of dog piss all day just because he didn't at some point want a dog? And would you think he was gross because if it? [/quote]
I’d hope not if I wasn’t there to clean it up. There is a very good chance he wouldn’t notice Hmm zero sense of smell and general awareness tbh

ElizaLaLa · 13/02/2021 23:09

@comfyslippets

DC aren't tiny. Youngest is 9. I just think it's gross that he sees it as my responsibility when we both live here. I just wanted to know how it is in other homes. Would it be seen as the woman's job?
No. My Dh tells me to leave the minging things, he'll do them. He cleans up the dog shit in the garden, takes the bins most of the time, cleans up any accidents the dogs might have, unblocks drains, etc etc etc.
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