Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my DH can piss off.

122 replies

comfyslippets · 13/02/2021 19:57

Our dog has been a bit ill lately and has had a few accidents indoors (wee, poo and sick). My DH refuses to clean this and it's really pissing me off. Every morning when he was ill he came downstairs, had breakfast then sent me a text telling me the dog has been ill and he didn't have time to clean it. Therefore, I had to clean it all up before I went to work (don't really have time either, but can't just leave it there!)
Just walked across my living room floor and came across a wet patch, asked my DD if she knew what it was and she said the dog did a wee in the night. I asked my husband if he knew and he said yes and that he'd sprayed cleaner on it. He's obviously just sprayed something from a distance and left it there! I then went and got proper stuff and scrubbed carpet etc. I said to him you need to do this, why should I just do it and he said he'll never do it. Said he never wanted a dog (apparently, even though he agreed to it) and, as such, will not do anything.
AIBU to think this attitude stinks?

OP posts:
Joinedjustforthispost · 13/02/2021 23:11

Id be tempted to take a sh&t in your lazy dh shoes and let him clean it up himself, it would infuriate me leaving mess in the house it will smell and stain, how childish of him well actually that’s an insult to children because my dd will happily clean up any accidents! Glad your poor dog is feeling better Flowers

MintyMabel · 13/02/2021 23:13

Well I have a 9 year old and I wouldn’t be letting her clean a bathroom (sprays/chemicals/bleach).

Nonsense. If you are really concerned, you should be using kinder chemicals, but absent any neurological issues a 9 year old is capable of being taught how to safely use a bottle of flash to clean a basin and a bath.

timeisnotaline · 13/02/2021 23:16

I can see the argument that the dog was your idea but I would never be married to a man who won’t clean a bathroom. I’m not the cleaner, we are a team not hes lord of the manor and I’m the skivvy. Instant deal breaker.

MintyMabel · 13/02/2021 23:18

Firstly due to the cleaning products and secondly, due to the fact I'm not sure a 9 yr old would do a good enough job at bleaching properly etc.

You said the youngest was 9. If you don’t want to teach your 9 year old how to clean a bathroom properly, then put up with doing it yourself. I’m sure your OH wouldn’t do it to your exacting standards either. What on earth needs to be “bleached properly” every time you clean a bathroom?

Annabell80 · 13/02/2021 23:20

Well I have to admit my husband wants a dog and I don't so if we do get one I'll be taking very little responsibility for it.
Having said that I couldn't sit in a room with shit, piss or sick in and not clean it up. That's just disgusting.

WineInTheWillows · 13/02/2021 23:27

Wow. I'm surprised at the amount of, ' your dog, your mess' responses.

DH did not want a cat and does not like the cat. In fact he often says he hates the cat. However, he has cleaned up cat diarrhoea in the past, as well as cat vomit and dead birds and mice that had been killed by said cat. He even applies flea and worm treatments. Because he doesn't like the cat, but he loves me. Surely that's just what you do?

I shan't inform him that so many have gotten away with totally denying all responsibility for pets that were not their idea! Wouldn't want to spark mutiny. Grin

OP, YANBU.

WhoStoleMyCheese · 13/02/2021 23:27

Agree that dog is your responsibility - however it’s disgusting to see wee/poo in your own home and not do anything about it?!?
I’d have cleaned it up the first couple of times and left the rest to you...given your post about housework contributions he seems like a lazy arse

TheyIsMyFamily · 13/02/2021 23:40

Tell him you'd rather keep the dog than him with his shitty, selfish attitude. Look at the message he's sending your child: he doesn't have to do anything he feels is beneath him while you get to do all the grunt work. Nice.

I'd tell him he starts pulling his weight or he can go.

Alwaysandforeverhere · 14/02/2021 00:04

You wanted the dog he didn’t. Your job to clean up after it. His prob left it to prove a point that it’s bloody annoying to come down to that mess.

sadpapercourtesan · 14/02/2021 00:09

He's incredibly disrespectful. He's telling you that shit-shoveling is your role in life, not his. He's above such things.

I couldn't like or respect a man who treated me like this. If dh came down and found shit/piss etc from one of our poorly cats he wouldn't think twice before cleaning it up (in fact he would make damn sure it was done before I saw it because I am really sensitive to bad smells etc). If I saw it first I would do it. Even my 16yo very gruff laddish son, who saw me gagging while cleaning up cat diarrhoea, said "leave that Mum, I'll do it". When you love someone, you don't leave all the grotty bits of life for them to deal with.

sillysmiles · 14/02/2021 00:16

We have a dog and a cat and if they throw up or anything inside we take turns cleaning up. It's a job no one likes but it just has to be done. On the whole in the last 5 years I think DH has cleaned the bathrooms 90% of the time or more.

toria658 · 14/02/2021 00:30

Your husband is opting out of family life. Household cleaning, cleaning up after family members ( I do include the dog as a family member) is a natural part of living as a unit. There might be, by negotiation, things each member of the family prefers to do ( my DH does all the ironing because I loathe the job) but bodily excretions from any members of the family are the responsibility of the adults and then whoever finds them first. Walking away from pee or poo is wholly unacceptable and gives your children some strong messages as well.

Bigger conversations need to be had about his cherry picking of chores, how he sees you and if all else fails may I suggest you go on strike. I bet you also sorted out the vets and do most of the mental load at home as well?

sillysmiles · 14/02/2021 00:44

Maybe check with your husband to see if he still wants to keep the dog

Ah no! Dogs are a commitment for their life not just until they become inconvenient and work.

Dinkydody · 14/02/2021 01:05

🙄

WriteronaMission · 14/02/2021 02:20

Your DH is BU. I didn't want the dog at first. Eventually I agreed and my DH was supposed to care for the dog. His job changed and so the dog has become mostly my responsibility. There's absolutely no way I'd let piss and shit just lying around the house. There's something wrong with your DH that he's happy just to leave it for you. You need to take about that with your DH and get to the bottom of it.

My 9YO does do some of the clean-up though to help as well, especially just pee (hardwood floors) if there has been an accident. Was common when toilet training.

Marinaloves · 14/02/2021 02:33

Just shoot the dog in front of the family and say that’s what happens if you don’t help
(Joke)

Worldwide2 · 14/02/2021 07:59

If my other half wanted a dog and I didn't and I agreed because he really wanted one. I wouldn't be cleaning up after it either.
You wanted the dog, you clean up after it.

Worldwide2 · 14/02/2021 08:01

Forgot to say him not cleaning the bathrooms is ridiculous, he needs to do the not so nice chores aswell. He goes to the toilet there too so he can clean it. Think you need to sit down and discuss other things in your household

Penistoe · 14/02/2021 08:09

No way would I clean it up. Although I hate animals in the house for this reason. Gross.

You sound like you nagged until he caved, so deal with it

Original poster
comfyslippets · 14/02/2021 08:18

@Penistoe I appreciate your point, but where on earth have I implied I nagged until he caved? We discussed it like adults and he agreed to it. I did no such thing as nag him until he caved.

OP posts:
SabrinaTheMiddleAgedBitch · 14/02/2021 08:25

Speaking as someone who has been very definitely pushed into getting a pet in the past- I wouldn't refuse to clean it up because leaving shit/piss on the floor is disgusting however I was VERY resentful of it (towards partner rather than the dog)

Propercrimboselecta · 14/02/2021 08:29

My dog doesn't often throw up but if he does we take turns cleaning it up. I also cajooled my husband in to getting him, but he agreed, went through the adoption process with me, was excited and loves the dog. I didn't just bring him home as a surprise.

Propercrimboselecta · 14/02/2021 08:30

Just shoot the dog in front of the family and say that’s what happens if you don’t help
(Joke)

What is wrong with you

Original poster
comfyslippets · 14/02/2021 08:30

I personally feel that if the decision was eventually mutual to get a dog (regardless of what was thought in the past), then it's everybody's responsibility to look after it. I think sitting in a room with piss and shit in it because at some point, years ago, you never wanted a dog is selfish and dirty. Next time he does it, perhaps I'll leave it too and just say I'm too busy too and see what happens.

OP posts:
Propercrimboselecta · 14/02/2021 08:31

By the way I have skim read. What I mean by cajooled is, I wanted dog, husband didn't. Discussed over the course of about 7 years and when we bought a house he agreed we could get a dog only if we adopted from a rescue centre, and it was of a specific breed and age. So a mutual agreement.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.