Valentines present from Grandma?!

[TallulahSkye]

Appreciate I may get called ungrateful/mean for this but wondered if anyone finds this creepy and/or has any advice? I asked my friends and they said it was funny/sweet 😩

So MIL has sent DS (6 months) a valentines card and personalised presents - my 1st valentines etc.
I find this really weird as I see valentines as a more romantic love and we see it as a commercial day, DH and I just get each other cards...
This is just the tip of the iceberg though, for his Christmas she got DS more presents than we did! Prior to DS being born she was always sending us gifts. She sent DH a valentines card every year up until this one it seems 😂
After she's sent the gifts she asks why we don't put pics on social media and tag her!

I'm grateful DS has a loving and involved granny but I find it all a bit much. Especially since she often asks DH to lend her money and has been bankrupt in the past.
I know this is her "love language" but does anyone have any tips of how to stop or reduce this behaviour?
Or AIBU and should just accept all the gifts?

DH says she's always been like this. He speaks to her after she sends the gifts and tells her not to but she just says she has a right to spoil her son and now grandson!

My Mum still sends my daughters a Valentine Day card..they are in their 20's, funnily enough they have both said today that they hope Grandma doesn't forget to send one ! Better to have love from your family than not, just smile and accept in the spirit of things

@RandomUsernameHere thank you, good advice!
I have lovely memories of my Nan but it's from the stories she told us and time she spent playing with us rather than any presents. Actually can't remember anything in particular she ever bought me...
Appreciate actually seeing each other isn't possible atm but I think situation would be the same if covid didn't exist

Valentines day has always been known as love heart day in our house and we buy a little something for our dc (chocolates, Teddy etc not a mini xmas). I wouldn't dream of putting this on social media though. Ds is secondary school age and would never live it down.

She sounds sweet!

Valentine's Day has always been a bit of a family occasion in our house - I usually buy my 2 boys (now 14 and 16) a small chocolate treat and leave it somewhere for them to find by 'suprise'. That's because when I remember when I was young seeing all the cards and gifts in shops and feeling sad about never getting anything on the day.

This year we've gone further. Normally DH and I would either go out or have a special meal at home, with the boys keeping a discrete distance. But this year they're invited to our valentine's meal - we got a double meal deal from M&S. My eldest will only get to see his gf for an afternoon walk, and both of them have been spending too much time in their bedrooms lately, so it's our way of cheering them up. Right now they're decorating heart shaped biscuits!

YABU. Clearly she expresses love by sending gifts and some people do treat Valentine's Day as a time to express non-romantic love. It's not how I do things but there's nothing wrong with it. I doubt she's going to be bringing the kid out for candlelight dinners and games of footsie

The social media thing is ridiculous though and I wouldn't be posting pics either.

I suspect that your MIL is using Valentines Day as an excuse to spoil her grandson.
I don't, personally, indulge in Valentines Day , other than a card, but it's been a tricky year and she's probably trying to connect.

Yes , the day is for lovers, but the supermarkets are stuffed full of cuddly teddies, cutesy chocolates etc... I'd let it go this year.
When ( ever) we get back to 'normal' I'd knock it on the head.

Weird and needy

If this excessive spending is getting her into financial difficulty your DH should really have a (kind and gentle) word. Assure her that she doesn't need to spend, spend, spend in order to show her love.

Ah enjoy the valentine's card, I remember getting a stack from my aunts all signed 'guess who!' Etc. It was an embarrassing and lovely tradition and I miss them all now they're gone.

I think you can ask her nicely to rein the Christmas spending back a bit, maybe with the pretext that you want to do the same and want to get DS into the habit of enjoying a couple of nice gifts and the thought behind them rather than loads of new stuff he hardly has time to play with.

I think it’s really lovely. I think it’s only an issue of you make it one. My mum always gave us one. It’s nice to show someone you love them. I’m sure your children will look back on it fondly

No more weird than all the Mumsnetters buying their children Valentine's stuff. So pretty weird, but also apparently pretty common these days.

It sounds like you just don't like your MIL and are using this slightly weird behaviour of hers to try and gather support to justify your dislike for her.

It's a bit weird but harmless. She loves her grandchild. Nothing wrong with that at all, the more people who adore your child is a good thing, isn't it?

If it's just a lovely thing why does she want social media glory.
Tbh I think valentines is for gf bf dp etc. Not what I'd send a child.
To be she just wants the kudos of being the first.

I think the OP sounds fond of her MIL.

Well the wanting her friends to see how much she’s giving you asking to be tagged on Facebook is just doing it for attention! I wouldn’t.

Creepy no but l would find it a bit ott. So she wants you to sing her praises on social media so everyone can see how wonderful she is. Put the card up and see what the reaction is, maybe she won't be so keen next time.

I find it weird that anyone thinks Valentine’s day is for anyone other than your Valentine , that is your romantic interest .

I was in Thailand about 20 years ago (wow I'm old!) Over Valentine's I spent time in a Christian community, they were all over Valentine's day, but it was like a friendship day, nothing romantic or sexy, lots of heart shaped biscuits decorated with icing. It was the first time I had come across that, but I gather the US us similar and is is spreading across here.

My 9 year old has just had her Valentines delivery from a classmate, DH is looking a bit perturbed!

I’m with you on this. Valentines has gotten stupid, people sending cards etc to their kids 🙄. It’s not creepy but it is ridiculous!

Nothing unusual about sending kids a valentines card. Is sweet. Glad she stopped with your husband though

Clearly she has an issue with money, but I think all you can do is keep saying it’s not necessary, and (separately) suggest some work on her budgeting. It doesn’t sound like she wants to change though and unless she is going to be made homeless and become a massive burden on you, no point worrying about it. Tis nice you get on and she sounds like a nice granny.

I actually don’t think the social media thing is that weird - especially at the moment when most people’s social lives are online, her friends would see it and it’s a nice way to share stuff about her grandson with her own friends. Obviously some people choose not to have their kids on social media which is fine, presumably she’s not pressuring you to put photos on when you don’t want to?

It would feel really odd to me but valentines day is not something I usually celebrate even in relationship which some people find rather odd 🤣🤣

There is 2 separate issues. Grandma buying Valentine's card and gift it not weird. I'm my language the Valentine's translates to day if friendship. I don't see the need toanaciate is with romantic love.

The real issue is that grandma is buying gifts she cannot afford and is asking her son for money. That is not ok and requires a discussion.

@TallulahSkye please don't worry about the Valentine's aspect. Of all the things to worry about, this isn't it. It's very sweet his Granny cares and wants to do something special.

Have you heard of the concept of Love Languages? Some people their love language is gifts, so they are more likely to compensate in that way. She may (in her mind) believe that's showing you how much she cares.

Go easy on her. She sounds like a good one.