Valentines present from Grandma?!

[TallulahSkye]

Appreciate I may get called ungrateful/mean for this but wondered if anyone finds this creepy and/or has any advice? I asked my friends and they said it was funny/sweet 😩

So MIL has sent DS (6 months) a valentines card and personalised presents - my 1st valentines etc.
I find this really weird as I see valentines as a more romantic love and we see it as a commercial day, DH and I just get each other cards...
This is just the tip of the iceberg though, for his Christmas she got DS more presents than we did! Prior to DS being born she was always sending us gifts. She sent DH a valentines card every year up until this one it seems 😂
After she's sent the gifts she asks why we don't put pics on social media and tag her!

I'm grateful DS has a loving and involved granny but I find it all a bit much. Especially since she often asks DH to lend her money and has been bankrupt in the past.
I know this is her "love language" but does anyone have any tips of how to stop or reduce this behaviour?
Or AIBU and should just accept all the gifts?

DH says she's always been like this. He speaks to her after she sends the gifts and tells her not to but she just says she has a right to spoil her son and now grandson!

I think it is weird to send children Valentine cards and presents. I certainly wouldn't be giving her money to buy unnecessary presents.

Giving gifts is the language she is using to express her love.

People see valentines differently. While I know it's unpopular on mn to celebrate anything other than romantic love between couples, there are plenty of people who celebrate more widely. Tbh, if you are in a situation where you don't have a partner to celebrate with I don't see why you shouldn't take to opportunity to express love to others, I hate how valentines becomes a festival of haves and have nots.

I think it’s lovely! I would give anything to have a grandparent so actively involved with my child

Or AIBU and should just accept all the gifts?

Yes and yes.

Valentine isn’t just about romantic love but about all kinds of love

Family love
Self love
Friend love etc etc

The social media thing just say that DS doesn't have a Facebook account yet surely? I got "told off' (gently) by my mum's cousin for not putting many pictures of my kids of Facebook. That weekend was the most time I'd ever spent with her, we don't have an independent relationship. I nodded, smiled and continued with my approx annual picture of the kids.
The valentine's thing is odd but harmless.

Defo don't think it is creepy at all. It is sweet and showing love. The social media thing is needy and annoying. As long as she can afford the gifts it doesn't sound an issue. Has she been struggling financially recently or is it in the past? If she has to ask for help with money again then that could be a good opportunity to discuss appropriate amounts to spend on your DC. If she can afford it, then wjy not!

You are being enormously unreasonable in calling it "creepy." It's actually quite a vicious thing to say.

It might be overbearing, overinvolved, financially unwise, or even just annoying.

But "creepy" intimates something else and is spiteful.

You should be grateful your MIL didn't get her a balloon...

They're almost lethal - apparently!

I think it's a bit wierd. Valentines is for romantic love imo.
The presents would annoy me a little too.
But its harmless and just her very much loving your son so it's nice really, just a bit strange. So long as the love doesn't come with possessiveness I wouldn't let it bother me.

It’s fine . My toddler grandson sent one to his uncle to say he missed him . It’s just a expression of affection .

Meh I’d be annoyed at all the pointless “stuff” sent for no reason. Presumably you’re just supposed to take photos and then bin it all a few weeks later?

I send my grandchildren valentine gifts -- it's not "romantic" just a day to say I love you with Kit-Kats and bath bombs and comic books. They don't seem to find it "creepy". But I am American and we look at some things differently.

I think it’s sweet and sounds like you’re finding any old problem to moan about your MIL.

I’d find it creepy. Valentine’s Day (to me) has always been about giving cards to people you want to snog or are in a relationship with. Obviously that’s not the case for everyone but still I cringe inside at the idea of an adult giving a card to a child.

YABU. It’s cute not creepy

I am a Grandma and I send the g/children a card and a small gift. Why? because I love them dearly.

My Mum used to buy myself & my brother a card and some chocolate for valentines until we were in high school. She now buys for my DS, it's cute and far from creepy!

Spending £500 on an infant grandchild is bonkers. I'm sure it's all done with love but I'd find that a bit much.

It is amusing that she's now 'ghosting' her son and not sending him a Valentine's card for the first time in his life, now there's a much younger man on the scene

@Onedropbeat

Valentine isn’t just about romantic love but about all kinds of love

Family love
Self love
Friend love etc etc

it's about romantic love I would say.

you are definitely being unreasonable!

grandparents love to spoil their grandkids, and why not?

Every year on Valentine's Day my grandpa used to get me my own box of chocolates with a sweet little card. I felt SO special!

My parents now do it for DS.

I think it's nice and harmless.

Equally at Christmas DS is spoiled by his two sets of grandparents. That's how it should be if possible- my two sets of grandparents hold such a huge space in my heart, even today!

I think this is lovely especially at the moment. But then I send my little boys cards and get them silly little token gifts. We’ll also have a special dinner and decorations. It’s just nice to have a little celebration.

YANBU it's weird and excessive. MiL is like this, constantly sending loads of cheap bad quality gifts. It's like she is trying to buy the love of the DCs. I hate clutter and am quite environmentally conscious so it drives me mad. My DParents on the other hand give occasional gifts but they ask what the DCs want, so they get something good that the DCs really like or need. The best thing to do is pack all the stuff you don't like up straight away and then give it away or sell it. When MiL never sees all this stuff again she may get the message a little bit. It might sound like I'm being harsh but my MiL is a very manipulative person.

it's fine for a grandparent to give their grandkids a card and some chocs on Valentine's Day but she sounds like she spends way too much on him overall and can't afford it. She shouldn't be outspending you on gifts for him at Christmas.

It does sound a bit much especially the asking you to tag her on social media.

You can't really stop her doing what she wants to do re the gifts though, so I'd just accept them. You could always make some small comment like "oh, we don't really celebrate Valentine's Day so weren't expecting anything..." although it sounds like she probably wouldn't get the hint!

Don't feel bad about not sharing on social media though - I'd draw the line there - it would be so cringey!