Valentines present from Grandma?!

[TallulahSkye]

Appreciate I may get called ungrateful/mean for this but wondered if anyone finds this creepy and/or has any advice? I asked my friends and they said it was funny/sweet 😩

So MIL has sent DS (6 months) a valentines card and personalised presents - my 1st valentines etc.
I find this really weird as I see valentines as a more romantic love and we see it as a commercial day, DH and I just get each other cards...
This is just the tip of the iceberg though, for his Christmas she got DS more presents than we did! Prior to DS being born she was always sending us gifts. She sent DH a valentines card every year up until this one it seems 😂
After she's sent the gifts she asks why we don't put pics on social media and tag her!

I'm grateful DS has a loving and involved granny but I find it all a bit much. Especially since she often asks DH to lend her money and has been bankrupt in the past.
I know this is her "love language" but does anyone have any tips of how to stop or reduce this behaviour?
Or AIBU and should just accept all the gifts?

DH says she's always been like this. He speaks to her after she sends the gifts and tells her not to but she just says she has a right to spoil her son and now grandson!

I feel mean now lol
I agree it is sweet she cares and is thinking of us but I do also worry she's getting in more financial difficulty by buying things she can't afford. I suppose that's none of my business unless she's using the money DH gives her to buy them! I'd rather she use it to pay her bills and build a more financially secure future though
It's not cheap things either...I would estimate she spent around £500 on him at Christmas!
We don't put any pics on social media.
She is British

You personally may see it as only a celebration of romantic love, but for as long as I've been aware (now in my 40s), it's been used for everything from romance to familial love to "you're a wonderful friend".

Unless the present is obviously inappropriate, there's nothing strange about a grandmother wanting to give her grandchild something sweet or adorable for Valentine's Day.

If she's spending more than she can afford, that's a separate issue, but I wouldn't approach it as, "This is creepy!" Because it's really not.

Social media YANBU
Overspending when may need a loan later YANBU
Feeling stressed by overbearing nature of it YANBU
Valentines gestures YABATU a tad unreasonable although trust me, I get it, I got a happy 6 months old card from mine. There's milestones then there's what the actual. She is besotted is all - I asked mine to stop buying all the excess crap and if they really wanted to, they could choose the odd charity shop bargain. You aren't in such a position, so I would suggest gently she keep money for herself but if she is desperate to do something then save up with grandchild's investment bonds...how much is she splurging? because a fiver a month would be awesome in 18 years time.

(until charity shops open again)

Make sure your 6 month old writes granny a thank you card immediately, as is expected on MN 🤣

@MyFavouriteIsWhoeverlsQuietest thank you 😊

My mum sends (well, used to send) Valentine's cards to my dc. We are NC now and she's not allowed to send anything, but I don't think it's creepy. Well, there are really disturbing things about her, but it's not that. Some people are just into this sort of thing. I can't get worked up about it, even though dh and I don't get each other Valentine's cards. Though I think sending a 6 month old a card in general is a bit odd.

Agree. It's weird but harmless. Woudnt put stuff on social media. Just say thanks and after a couple of days bin the card. It's no big deal.

I think it's nice. My mum is Canadian so growing up she used to make a big effort. We would have heart shaped pancakes for breakfast fast, some kind of candy treat in our lunch. More of a general expression love & showing someone how much you care about them . I do the same for my kids now & they have packages from grandma to open tomorrow.

I think it's sweet but you aren't unreasonable in not wanting it to be a social media show.

I'd send a thank you pic of dc with the card/ pressie with a message saying 'private family pic, thank you nanny'.

My MIL has form for being overbearing at times (has started Xmas eve boxes without checking if I was doing them/ wanted to do them) but I know it's from a place of excitement and love about the grandchildren she isn't trying to showboat it. Whenever I send pics I always ask that she keeps them for family only and she's been very respectful of that.

We were discussing this the other day and honestly I think it's very much quite a split thing. Some people buy valentines for their DC and some don't, as long as there is nothing overtly creepy it can just be their thing.

We don't and neither DP , exdh or myself were bought anything by our DP for valentine so it doesn't register with us. Valentines sits with the adults. We discussed it because I vaguely wondered about making cakes for DC with those sweetie love hearts on top but we all decided it just felt odd to us all. Not creepy just , we don't really do it.

Saying that my cousins buy their DC chocolate hearts etc for valentines and they aren't remotely creepy.

I wouldn't be worried about overexcited christmas present buying as long as she is not being overbearing in terms of boundaries.

My exmil was a psychotic boundary stomper so it was an issue. DP mum buys out everything she can find for DC but is the nicest most respectful faux MIL (we are not married) in the world so it makes me smile and fuzzy and warm. If its ignoring bou diaries speak to her , if not just smile.

Are you my sils?

If you are you'll know that there's nothing you can do to stop it as we havent succeeded yet and she's my dm!

I feel your pain, especially the moaning about being able to afford bills/stuff for herself/holidays etc. But she can't seem to express her love in any other way other than buying stuff...

We don’t really bother with Valentine’s Day but as a child I always got a card and present from my grandparents - I remember one year getting chocolates from Thornton’s and feeling SO grown up!

I have a card for DP but it is from the cat.

I don't think the Valentine's gift is a problem in itself but it does sound like she goes a but OTT generally with gifts.

I think it's normal for people to switch to buying gifts for children rather than adults once LOs arrive. Not right to be asking you to post them on SM.

My GPs bought way more presents than DPs did, it was their way of helping their own children as well as spoiling DGCs. My parents do the same.

This was always a thing as I was growing up, but I think it's regional - i'm from Norfolk, where Jack Valentine would knock on your door and leave a card/present and run away! And my GPs did it for us every year.

Nice drip feed with the money aspect!

Not creepy at all.

@lemorella ooh I like that idea of the message at the end of pics, thanks!
Tbf she has been respectful about not putting pics of DS on Facebook now, especially after she announced his birth on there whilst I was still in hospital! Before we'd even told everyone and specifically asked close family not to post.DH had to call her and ask her to remove it! We weren't best pleased!

I think it’s a bit weird. But i don’t think it would be a battle I’d pick either.

My own DM uses gifts and food as her love language, and I hate it but I can’t change it.

I don’t think it’s creepy at all, I think it’s sweet. I always got Valentine’s cards etc from my parents when I was a child and I loved it.

I think you’re a bit strange to find it creepy. It’s lovely to send him a little Valentine gift. Love is love.

I think it says more about you if you find something so innocent 'creepy.'

My DDs have made Valentine's cards and biscuits for their grandparents. Nothing wrong with spreading a little love, especially in these times.

I got a valentines every year for my nan until I was 35 and she got dementia. We always joke when I tell her that I've received this "mystery" card. I miss those times.

It’s sweet. She loving being gran and spoiling her grandson. I send my teenage kids cards I just want them to know I and their father live them. And it’s nice to get things in the post! Maybe a quiet word to her, we appreciate all the lovely gifts etc, however we are running out of space, maybe smaller gifts from now on? Save your money for when he is older and wants the expensive stuff! Something like that maybe?

YANBU to find it a bit worrying that she spends enough on unnecessary gifgts to put herself into debt, but you can't change her.

Some people view Valentine's Day as a day to tell people they love them, rather than being restricted to romantic love. She's obviously one of them. Just go with it.

My neighbour's little boy made me a valentine's picture (delivered today) because he likes me. I think that's adorable, despite not really bothering with Valentime's Day myself.

Its silly but harmless. We do not do anything for our kids for Valentines day, they will obviously share our evening meal but no presents. They haven't seen my family in a year and so this year they have sent their nan a bouquet of flowers. We could have waited for Mother's day but I thought this would cheer her up and my 3 year olds ds said he wanted to give her some so we sent them.