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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Too tired for bf

99 replies

WonderingIf38 · 13/02/2021 10:33

I've been with bf for a few months now. Going really well and I enjoy being with him. He's a bit of a chatterbox sometimes and can be hyper occasionally, but all good.

I've just started back full time at work and I'm absolutely shattered come weekend to want to do anything but lay on the sofa...alone. He's really keen to spend every Saturday with me and is now pressing to spend every Sunday with me too which I'm reluctant to do as I'm so tired! I also enjoy my own company. Aibu?

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 13/02/2021 10:37

It sounds like you aren't that into him.

A couple of months into a relationship IMO you should still be itching to see him however tired you are! or laying on the sofa with him. Grin
How bothered would you be if the relationship ended?

MissMarpleDarling · 13/02/2021 11:05

Yanbu. I've been with my partner 6years but don't want to spend all day Saturday and Sunday with him. I like my own space and so does he.

Sparklingbrook · 13/02/2021 11:19

@MissMarpleDarling

Yanbu. I've been with my partner 6years but don't want to spend all day Saturday and Sunday with him. I like my own space and so does he.
But that's 6 years. I have been with mine for nearly 30 years but in the first few months of the relationship I wanted to see him all the time even when I was tired and I think that's not unusual.

When someone is 'reluctant' to see their new BF I personally don't think it's a good sign for the future of the relationship.

Original poster
WonderingIf38 · 13/02/2021 11:22

I do want to see him. I'm just shattered!!!

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 13/02/2021 11:27

Yes but the shatteredness (is that a word Grin) shouldn't be a barrier to your love on a Valentine's weekend.
He wants to spend time with you. Grin

Rugbycomet · 13/02/2021 11:32

I thought this post was about too tired for breastfeeding Grin and I was going to offer support Blush

Marinaloves · 13/02/2021 11:55

I think you’re not that into him really.
Months in? You’re in honeymoon phase
The phase where you drive for hours to see someone.
Or see them every weekend, even if it means you do nothing but laze in bed all day together!
It’s pretty normal.

peak2021 · 13/02/2021 12:29

YANBU but I think need to do something to make sure you are not so shattered, even if you still spend a day by yourself at the weekend.

billy1966 · 13/02/2021 12:45

You are not that into him if he is exhausting when you are already tired.

Think about your boundaries.
Do not allow him to impose on you.

I only spent a whole weekend with my husband when I knew he was the one.
I was still 3 or 4 days a week on my own.

It was 2.5 years before we moved in together after we were engaged 6 months before we married.

I am someone who still needs space.

Do not deny yourself something you need for a guy of 8 months...stick to your guns on this.
Flowers

HeyDuggeesCakeBadge · 13/02/2021 13:12

Me too Rugbycomet

Pleatherandlace · 13/02/2021 13:17

You’re so tired after a week at work that you need to spend the whole weekend lying on the sofa? I think this is a bigger issue than the boyfriend. If you just want space that’s one thing but if you’re so “shattered” just holding down a job perhaps you need to see a GP?

1Morewineplease · 13/02/2021 14:14

@Pleatherandlace

You’re so tired after a week at work that you need to spend the whole weekend lying on the sofa? I think this is a bigger issue than the boyfriend. If you just want space that’s one thing but if you’re so “shattered” just holding down a job perhaps you need to see a GP?
Yep!
Eleganz · 13/02/2021 14:19

If you want to be alone then be alone and end it with him.

NotFabulousDarling · 13/02/2021 14:31

Am I the only one who thought this was going to be a thread about being too tired for breastfeeding? Grin

Relationships should give you energy in the early days not feel exhausting, or something's a bit iffy.

I had a long distance relationship long before DH and there was nothing wrong with the bloke but I couldn't summon the energy to meet up with him at weekends.

One morning I was in bed and got a text I thought was from him saying he was in town but only for 2 more hours and did I want to meet. I was tired and said I wasn't feeling very well.

When I woke up properly, I realised the text was actually from a mate with the same name. I was gutted when I found out I'd turned down the wrong Dave (and I had no interest in the other Dave as a relationship at all, he was just a good laugh). That was when I realised I just didn't feel that strongly about Dave the boyfriend. A week later I ended it.

rawalpindithelabrador · 13/02/2021 14:34

Cut him loose.

katy1213 · 13/02/2021 14:37

Doesn't seem unreasonable to me. Why would you want to spend 50% of your leisure time with one person? He does sound a bit clingy so I'd be backing off.

thepeopleversuswork · 13/02/2021 15:11

I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting space and time alone, whatever point you are in the relationship. I actually think its a sign of strength and knowing yourself.

I adore my bf but I couldn't bear to live with him. I desperately need to have at least three days a week when I don't see him (or anyone else for that matter).

Sparklingbrook · 13/02/2021 15:21

@katy1213

Doesn't seem unreasonable to me. Why would you want to spend 50% of your leisure time with one person? He does sound a bit clingy so I'd be backing off.
Because you like them and are in a relationship with them? Wanting to spend time together isn't actually 'clingy', in the first few months of a relationship is it? I haven't dated since about 1991 so maybe things have changed especially with OLD?
TwilightSkies · 13/02/2021 15:29

It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. If it feels ‘too much’ for YOU, then you need to tell him.
Do you feel comfortable telling him you need more time on your own?

He sounds clingy to me. Never being able to spend time on your own isn’t a good sign.

Does being around him make you feel tired? Is he quite demanding of your attention? Does the conversation revolve around him all the time?

Do you really like him? Does he add to your life?

Sparklingbrook · 13/02/2021 15:32

Never being able to spend time on your own isn’t a good sign

Is that the case though? He's asking to see OP at the weekends.

TwilightSkies · 13/02/2021 15:42

He's asking to see OP at the weekends.

ALL weekend, every weekend.
Some people are fine with that, but the point is that it’s too much for the OP.
Why shouldn’t she have a day to herself?

littlepattilou · 13/02/2021 15:42

Never being able to spend time on your own isn’t a good sign.

Agree with this. ^

Marinaloves · 13/02/2021 15:57

The weekends are all the time!
I mean if she feels like this now? Then what’s the chance of moving the relationship forward to living with each other
I mean totally fine if that’s what she wants. But he doesn’t sound like he wants the same

It doesn’t matter what anyone feels, if you’re feelings for the future aren’t matched then it’s doomed

Marinaloves · 13/02/2021 15:58

The weekends ARENT all the time

truetuesdays · 13/02/2021 16:00

You aren't that into him, in the first few months it's you should want to spend every second together (in my experience!)

I would end it