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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Too tired for bf

99 replies

WonderingIf38 · 13/02/2021 10:33

I've been with bf for a few months now. Going really well and I enjoy being with him. He's a bit of a chatterbox sometimes and can be hyper occasionally, but all good.

I've just started back full time at work and I'm absolutely shattered come weekend to want to do anything but lay on the sofa...alone. He's really keen to spend every Saturday with me and is now pressing to spend every Sunday with me too which I'm reluctant to do as I'm so tired! I also enjoy my own company. Aibu?

OP posts:

Sparklingbrook · 13/02/2021 17:33

Translated.... 'some people are disagreeing me... I can't cope!'

What are you talking about?

Sparklingbrook · 13/02/2021 17:34

The OP has gone quiet. This could mean one of two things...

littlepattilou · 13/02/2021 17:34

@Sparklingbrook Why is this thread 'bonkers?'

Ttcbabybennett · 13/02/2021 17:37

I don’t think it’s for people to tell you what you feel for him based on a paragraph. You know if you want to be with him or not, I do think you shouldn’t feel bad for taking a while to adjust to being back to work full time, it is bloody knackering! Especially going from being locked down to that! And I do think the issue here is whether your new be can understand that and be patient and accommodating. If he’s unable to listen to your needs and your request to rest at this point that is a habit/ trait I’d want to address and resolve early on. You deserve to be with a man who respects your wishes as equal to his and listens. Maybe discuss that with him and see if he’s able to learn and be patient foe a couple of weeks? X

BibbityBobbety · 13/02/2021 17:38

Would have thought one of the top criteria for 'is this the right relationship for me?' is whether you actually like spending time with them or not... and if you're only seeing each other at the weekend (as OP is), only managing 1 day before you get fed up, surely fails the test! Surprised that there are really people who get into relationships with partners who tire them out after a day or 2? I'm an introvert who's lived alone for years and my partners are the only people who don't exhaust me - that's why I know they're right for me.

littlepattilou · 13/02/2021 17:42

@Sparklingbrook IMO, you are saying it's bonkers, because some people (including me,) are saying things you don't agree with.

You mean some posters are bonkers, and it's obviously the ones disagreeing with you.

I've seen it before on here a lot. Posters berating and mocking and goading others who have totally different views. Not saying you are mocking and goading, but a couple of posters on here have been.

The 'this thread is bonkers' comment is a bit naff though. It just smacks of someone not liking some of the responses, and suggesting some posters (who don't think like you) are nuts.

And although I have no issue with bluntness, sycophantic posts like the one by @1Morewineplease saying 'listen to blunty!' are a bit embarrassing to witness. No-one likes a suck-up dear.

All this said, the OP is clearly not returning, and I am done with this thread, and how a few people don't like it that others don't think like them, and feel the need to mock and goad. So I am hiding the thread now. I don't play the 'let's goad a poster' game.

Toodle pip.

Daphnise · 13/02/2021 17:46

You don't sound much fun yourself, all this tiredness and wanting to lay down so much.

Perhaps it would be best for him to move on and find someone a bit more lively! Do suggest this to him when you're feeling up to it.

InFiveMins · 13/02/2021 17:47

I would just be honest with him and say I really like him but am just so tired that I need a day to myself to catch up on sleep, take care of my health etc. Spending one day with him will probably be good for you, but two is too much when you feel so tired.

Just be honest.

Moonflower12 · 13/02/2021 18:06

@Rugbycomet
And me!

Marinaloves · 13/02/2021 18:38

@littlepattilou
Genuinely
You’re high jacking a perfectly normal thread
And I think you need to calm down a bit.

Sparklingbrook · 13/02/2021 18:40

[quote Marinaloves]@littlepattilou
Genuinely
You’re high jacking a perfectly normal thread
And I think you need to calm down a bit.[/quote]
Agreed, That's why I am no longer engaging!

Sparklingbrook · 13/02/2021 18:41

Oh just read the whole post. They have flounced from the thread.

Mishmased · 13/02/2021 20:19

@Rugbycomet

I thought this post was about too tired for breastfeeding

and I was going to offer support

Me too 🤣🤣🤣🤣

1Morewineplease · 13/02/2021 20:40

[quote littlepattilou]@Sparklingbrook IMO, you are saying it's bonkers, because some people (including me,) are saying things you don't agree with.

You mean some posters are bonkers, and it's obviously the ones disagreeing with you.

I've seen it before on here a lot. Posters berating and mocking and goading others who have totally different views. Not saying you are mocking and goading, but a couple of posters on here have been.

The 'this thread is bonkers' comment is a bit naff though. It just smacks of someone not liking some of the responses, and suggesting some posters (who don't think like you) are nuts.

And although I have no issue with bluntness, sycophantic posts like the one by @1Morewineplease saying 'listen to blunty!' are a bit embarrassing to witness. No-one likes a suck-up dear.

Toodle pip.[/quote]
Oh dear! 🤨

Sparklingbrook · 13/02/2021 21:10

Looks like we are both on the naughty step @1Morewineplease

billy1966 · 13/02/2021 21:21

I read the OP was asking about a new relationship of 8 months and about not spending all weekend with him.

I think that is very reasonable FOR an 8 MONTH relationship.

Then poster's compare it to spending time with a HUSBAND, and ask how those that think all weekend is too much, how they are managing with the lockdown??

8 month relationship = a husband..🙄

Are people wilfully obtuse?

An 8 month relationship does not equate to a relationship and time spent with a husband.

🙄

Sparklingbrook · 13/02/2021 21:23

DH and I bought a house and moved in together when we had been together for 4 months so not sure where that falls on the sliding scale of new relationship to husband.

NurseButtercup · 13/02/2021 21:28

I've just started back full time at work and I'm absolutely shattered come weekend to want to do anything but lay on the sofa...alone

Going from not working or from part-time hours to full time is exhausting. I'm not surprised OP is tired and YANBU to want a few weeks off seeing BF at weekend whilst you adjust to being full-time.

romiandromi · 14/02/2021 00:37

How on earth do people get married and live together if seeing each other on weekends is considered clingy?

Also what kind of work are you doing that you spend an entire weekend doing nothing but lying down?

Marinaloves · 14/02/2021 02:21

Is it standard to have a casual 8 month relationship these days

Sparklingbrook · 14/02/2021 08:38

@Marinaloves

Is it standard to have a casual 8 month relationship these days

That must be the answer then. I. The eighties/earlies nineties (in my circle of friends anyway) that wouldn’t happen. I will discuss this with DS1 (21) when I see him and see what his take on it is.

hammeringinmyhead · 14/02/2021 10:06

I think it can be, when one or both are used to their own space. My best friend (37) bought her own flat about 10 years ago and has never really got past "dating" because she'd rather just have someone to go out with once a week. Unfortunately this is obviously not what OP's boyfriend wants.

grapewine · 14/02/2021 10:17

@Daphnise

You don't sound much fun yourself, all this tiredness and wanting to lay down so much.

Perhaps it would be best for him to move on and find someone a bit more lively! Do suggest this to him when you're feeling up to it.

Agreed. Let him go find someone who's actually into him. Then go find someone more on your wavelength.

myturf · 14/02/2021 10:26

At this stage with my now DH we were driving 3 hours to see each other after long Fridays just to fall asleep the second we got there cos it was nicer to sleep together.

So I can't relate there - I wanted to spend as much time with him as possible, I wanted to see him because I'm was excited and interested in him.

Although being long distance maybe changed things, we couldn't pop in for a day easily.

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