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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Too tired for bf

99 replies

WonderingIf38 · 13/02/2021 10:33

I've been with bf for a few months now. Going really well and I enjoy being with him. He's a bit of a chatterbox sometimes and can be hyper occasionally, but all good.

I've just started back full time at work and I'm absolutely shattered come weekend to want to do anything but lay on the sofa...alone. He's really keen to spend every Saturday with me and is now pressing to spend every Sunday with me too which I'm reluctant to do as I'm so tired! I also enjoy my own company. Aibu?

OP posts:

littlepattilou · 13/02/2021 16:01

This used to drive me mad with several 'boyfriends' waaaaaay back when I was 16-21-ish. We dated, and saw each other 2-3 times a week (in the evenings, as we worked,) and yet they always wanted to spend all of Saturday and all of Sunday with me too.

I don't think it means you aren't into them, and you need to 'cut them loose' if you want SOME of your free time to yourself.

I can't bear clingy people, and clingy, needy men are so unappealing. Even if I liked him to start with, I would be put right off if he started to mither me, and demand I see him during ALL of my spare time. I have actually ended several relationships in the past with men like this.

One (who worked only 12-14 hours a week at the time) used to wait for me EVERY DAY on my lunch hour. I worked 6-7 minutes walk from the shopping centre, and there was only one door in from the pathway I took from work, and he was there every bloody day. I didn't want to stay in the office as I got badgered by people asking me to do stuff or take calls/see people.

I even TOLD him that I didn't want to meet every day, as I liked to have a look around on my own sometimes. He STILL waited there.

Got so annoying and clingy that I dumped him, and stopped going across to town. He waited outside my workplace, looking up at the window of the office I worked in, every day for about one to two hours, (for 6 weeks,) before giving up. Fucking weirdo. I didn't date for half a year after that. Put me right off he did!

@WonderingIf38 YANBU!

Grossedout12 · 13/02/2021 16:05

How into him are you OP?

What kind of job do you have?

adventurealice · 13/02/2021 16:09

I’m afraid you’re just not that into him. You should be wanting to get jiggy with it all the time at this stage of the relationship even if you are tired.

georgarina · 13/02/2021 16:11

In an ideal world what time would you want to spend with him?

Do you actually want to spend time with him but would like to do more relaxing low-energy things, do you just need more space than he does, or are you actually not that into it? Is your job especially demanding right now or is this always what it's like? Do I always feel this exhausted - if I weren't spending the time with him would I be off doing other things, or would I just be resting?

I would be asking myself these questions

Marinaloves · 13/02/2021 16:12

@littlepattilou
That’s such a ridiculous comparison

Spending the weekend with someone you’re falling in love with - or love already is not the same

littlepattilou · 13/02/2021 16:13

@adventurealice

I’m afraid you’re just not that into him. You should be wanting to get jiggy with it all the time at this stage of the relationship even if you are tired.

Really..........?

Aprilx · 13/02/2021 16:14

I don’t remember every being too shattered to see a boyfriend at the weekend during my dating years (teens to early 30s). Unless there are health issues, I would also tend to suspect that it is more that you are not that bothered about seeing him.

Sh05 · 13/02/2021 16:17

I thought you were asking for breastfeeding support and I clicked ready and armed with advice!

littlepattilou · 13/02/2021 16:22

[quote Marinaloves]@littlepattilou
That’s such a ridiculous comparison

Spending the weekend with someone you’re falling in love with - or love already is not the same[/quote]
You seem to have problems with comprehension.

Of COURSE it's the same. The OP is finding her new squeeze annoying and clingy. I was giving examples of similar issues; where men I dated wanted to see me all the time.

Now YOU stop being ridiculous, and read peoples posts properly.

littlepattilou · 13/02/2021 16:24

And don't even get me STARTED on the bloody ridiculous post saying if we LIKED a man, we would be prepared to give him sex, even if we are knackered and stressed and just want to rest and sleep.

Fucking hell, this place sometimes.

Marinaloves · 13/02/2021 16:24

@littlepattilou
You genuinely seemed to have annoying and clingy boyfriends.

she’s got a boyfriend who would like to see her at the weekend...

I mean that’s worlds apart!
And your weird reaction is a bit OTT

littlepattilou · 13/02/2021 16:25

Do naff off Marina. You're boring me now

Conkergame · 13/02/2021 16:29

OP - 2 potential issues here:

if you are genuinely exhausted every weekend just from a normal work week then something is wrong. You should see a GP.
if it’s actually just that the thought of seeing DP is exhausting then he’s not the one for you! Please end it.

Sparklingbrook · 13/02/2021 16:33

Well looks like I am the odd one then. At the start of my first real relationship (and subsequent ones) we wanted to see each other all the time and definitely all weekend, however tired. After work in the week to see girlfriends or to have a night in alone/early night to catch up on sleep.

I suppose if I found that annoying and clingy we'd have split up.

I would have found it a bit of a downer if a new BF started complaining of being too tired to see me and wanting to spend the weekends alone and dumped him.

zigaziga · 13/02/2021 16:37

So when so you want to see him?

PinkiOcelot · 13/02/2021 16:43

I don’t think you’re that in to him either OP if you’re too tired to see him.
Be honest with yourself and him.
How come you’re so tired anyway? Have you had your bloods checked?

billy1966 · 13/02/2021 16:59

All weekend with someone you are only seeing each other 8 months seems a huge amount to me.

After a very busy week needing taking time to compress is very normal.

At 8 months you are still very much getting to know one another.

All weekend would be exhausting.

Marinaloves · 13/02/2021 16:59

@littlepattilou
Chill out love!
You’re getting way too over excited about your boring tale

littlepattilou · 13/02/2021 17:03

@billy1966

All weekend with someone you are only seeing each other 8 months seems a huge amount to me.

After a very busy week needing taking time to compress is very normal.

At 8 months you are still very much getting to know one another.

All weekend would be exhausting.

Exactly Billy.

I can't imagine why anyone would want to spend ALL weekend with someone. Surely everyone needs time to themselves.

Everyone is different I guess, but I would be driven nuts by a clingy partner who was desperate to spend every spare bloody minute with me.

And as I said further back in the thread, I have dumped men for this kind of behaviour. It's weird and clingy and VERY unappealing.

littlepattilou · 13/02/2021 17:06

@Conkergame

OP - 2 potential issues here:

if you are genuinely exhausted every weekend just from a normal work week then something is wrong. You should see a GP.
if it’s actually just that the thought of seeing DP is exhausting then he’s not the one for you! Please end it.

I don't get this, why do some people on here think there must be something wrong with the OP, and she needs to see a GP if she is a bit too tired to spend all weekend with her partner?

Some people do get tired and weary with work, and don't want to spend all weekend with their new-ish partner. They want some time to themselves. It's perfectly healthy to want to be alone sometimes...

Sparklingbrook · 13/02/2021 17:07

I thought it was amazing to have a boyfriend who wanted to spend a lot of time with me including all weekend. Neither of us thought the other 'clingy' just keen to get to know one another.

Maybe some people prefer a long distance romance, and Covid has certainly shaken up any ideas of that sort of relationship now.

littlepattilou · 13/02/2021 17:09

@Sparklingbrook

I thought it was amazing to have a boyfriend who wanted to spend a lot of time with me including all weekend. Neither of us thought the other 'clingy' just keen to get to know one another.

Maybe some people prefer a long distance romance, and Covid has certainly shaken up any ideas of that sort of relationship now.

Each to their own, but it would drive me nuts to have a clingy partner who wanted me to spend every spare minute with him.

Fortunately, my DH (who I have been with for YEARS,) was never like this.

Bluntness100 · 13/02/2021 17:10

I also think you’re not that into him but want to be, the majority of adults work full time and are still able to see their partners or family on the weekend.

Bluntness100 · 13/02/2021 17:12

I can't imagine why anyone would want to spend ALL weekend with someone

Really? I spend all weekend with my husband. It’s fairly normal relationship behaviour.

Sparklingbrook · 13/02/2021 17:12

Maybe it's an age thing. I needed very little sleep in my teens/twenties. I would be up into the small hours clubbing etc most nights and still be in work for 9am.
That said I did used to have a power nap between getting home from work and going out. Plus there was no Facetiming/texting back in the day so it was either a landline phone call (with nosy family hovering)or seeing the BF in person.

Conclusion-I am old?

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