Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

in thinking my sister is married to a boring old fart

44 replies

PintaBlood · 01/11/2007 20:00

And she is one too

She is 26. He is 30. They've been married for a year. She has a 10 year old dd from before she met her dh.

They have just moved house as the house she lived in before she met her dh wasn't big enough for all of them.

The problem is, she must think no other person in the world has a mortgage or bills to pay. Every time I am talking to her, her dh is working as "we have a mortgage to pay you know!!" This goes for every single night of the week!!!! Even Friday nights & Sunday mornings.... He is a workshop joiner & earns quite a bit of money without having to do overtime. [My dh is in the same business]

She also works in the education system & brings home a good wage. Each time we are talking to them they bring up money. basically they are scrooge & mrs scrooge.

Anyway we are having a party this weekend & it's a fancy dress one. It was just supposed to be for my kids & my other sisters' kids as they live near here, but somehow it has grown out of all proportion & everyone is invited Anyway, the fancy dress is compulsary.. my dh isn't thrilled but is going ahead with it like everyone else.

Sisters dh has said No, he will not dress up & if he has to, then he will go to work I asked sis to ask him not to work, to come, as she will be the only family member there without a partner.. she said he won't dress up. He is a boring fart.

There are loads of examples to give but I can't think of them offhand. She doesn't like people drinking (we all drink) She doesn't like children as her dd is 10 & grown up now (we all have kids under 10) My other sister went to stay with her last weekend & she locked her boys outside so they wouldn't mess her house So my other sister went home.

I know she will never change, I have no right to make her change. But they are so boring. She looks down her nose at us for everything we do.

Makes out that they never have enough money on one hand, then boasts about spending £1000 on Xmas gifts for her dd on the other hand.....

I don't know what I am asking anymore

OP posts:

Original poster

PintaBlood · 01/11/2007 21:00

You could be right about differing priorities lulu.

I guess I am more easy going & my dh is more laid back.

She told me one time that her dh told her he goes out to work overtime as he's not allowed to sit in the livingroom with the tv on, or he's not allowed to mess the kitchen by making himself a cup of tea etc..

she told me this herself, I asked her why he wasn't 'allowed' to sit in the tv room & she said it was because he made too much of a mess.

I guess I shouldn't have asked if he was a boring old fart, I do like him, but I guess she & I won't get on as well as we used to. Visiting her is uncomfortable, you feel unwanted. Yet every time she visits me, often unannounced, I make them dinner, tea, whatever is going they have, yet we can never feel comfortable in her home. She straightens the cushions after we get off her sofa, she wiped under our cups when we are still drinking etc.

Sorry if I annoyed some of you, I didn't mean to. I just was a bit annoyed at my sister & didn't have anyone else to talk to about it. She is going to lose her family if she doesn't stop it. I haven't visited her in about 5 months, as she called my ds a bold boy for dropping a crisp on her floor She got out the brush, then sprayed the floor & wiped it.

OP posts:

Lulumama · 01/11/2007 21:02

fair neough rantinghousewife

just a comment lower down made me a bit sensitive

anyhoo, back to the OP

Pinta... i thikn you are trying to joke about it, but you are actually really upset by it, no?

and it sounds like she might have some OCD issues, and control issues. whihc is a real shame

peggotty · 01/11/2007 21:03

It sounds like she has problems with dirt and mess actually - maybe OCD?

CristinaTheAstonishing · 01/11/2007 21:13

She sounds like a difficult woman and not much fun to be around her.

How was it like growing up as 6 sisters?

Original poster

PintaBlood · 01/11/2007 21:16

Yes, I know

I did suggest that to our mother once, but she said that sis just forgets what it's like to have young children as her dd is 10 now.

You're right lulu, I meant it as a bit of a joke, but was serious, her dh isn't boring, he's a good fella, but they're both very young to be in such a rut already.... they are very money orientated & quite often the way she talks, anyone would think the rest of us were self made millionaires. When she was 10 & I was 13 she bought me an ice-cream at 75p. She reminded me of that every day for years.. finally on her 18th birthday I give her cash & put a note saying 75p plus inflation.. I lent her £200 before she met her dh.. I never once have asked her for it back & I won't.

Sorry, I'll stop now as it's just opening a can of worms for me.

Thanks for the friendly criticism. And SM I really am sorry I bit your head off, I guess I was trying to be light hearted then you said those things about me.. I really am not usually a judgey person.

OP posts:

Meeely2 · 01/11/2007 21:17

defo sounds like OCD, a house should be a home not a show home.....BUT then again, each to their own.

Try talking to her on a personal one to one level rather than jokey sisters, the obsessive cleaning might be covering up something else - maybe (against what i said before) she is NOT happy, but keeping her house tidy does make her happy.....

Lulumama · 01/11/2007 21:17

money and perception of it, is at the heart of many a difficult family dynamic

Lulumama · 01/11/2007 21:18

am sorry for the and calling you judgey

Original poster

PintaBlood · 01/11/2007 21:18

Hi Christina, I had 4 sisters. 5 girls altogether

And 3 boys

It was good. We're still close. She & I are the 2 youngest so I guess that's why I take it all so personally.

OP posts:

peggotty · 01/11/2007 21:22

It's maybe her way of exerting some control over her life after coming from a large family where she was one of the youngest? She sounds like she has a very 'rigid' personality iykwim.

expatinscotland · 01/11/2007 21:27

then don't ask!

she's happy with things as they are.

FWIW, i really don't like fancy dress parties or going out. if i got an invite and they said fancy dress was compulsory, i wouldn't go.

so she has a different personality. so what?

she probably thinks you're an obnoxious bam.

Original poster

PintaBlood · 01/11/2007 21:29

I know expat.

She didn't get an invite though. To be fair, she invited herself...then complained

I deliberately didn't ask them as I know it's not their thing & they live about 50 miles away. She then called & invited themselves whilst complaining about the lack of notice.

OP posts:

ScottishMummy · 01/11/2007 21:39

pinta - im offsky, but have read your posts.as i see it no problemo between us - we had a lively dialoguedid not agree- so what

chocchipcookie · 02/11/2007 01:59

Pinta I think you sound resentful of your sister's money?

As for forcing people to put on fancy dress you are being off the scale unreasonable - I liked that bit where you said you were easy-going...

sunnydelight · 02/11/2007 02:38

YANBU for wanting a bit of a rant. It's incredibly theraputic sometimes but of course by asking the question you will get all sorts of responses. For what it's worth, I think my sister is married to a boring old fart too, but bearing in mind the fact that we haven't lived in the same country for 20 years it's really no skin off my nose. She also told her two eldest once that my eldest was a spoilt brat at an age when they were bound to repeat it .... don't you just love family dynamics!

twinsetandpearls · 02/11/2007 02:48

By PintaBlood on Thu 01-Nov-07 20:40:57

I started being annoyed at her for licking my nephews out of her house!

She must have some form of cleaing obsession if she resorts to licking people clean.

LoveAngel · 02/11/2007 07:49

Jeez, some people on this post are going way over the top with the cattiness. Pot, kettle my dears! Pot, kettle!

Pinta - I think your sis & her hubby sound miserable, but other than having the odd moan about them to your other family / MN, there doesn't seem to be much you can do about it (as you seem to have worked out for yourself). They are adults, entitled to live their lives and spend their money (or not) the way they choose. Accept them for the way and bite your lip when they act like scroogey old bores. Their loss, eh? Enjoy your party regardless. xx

LoveAngel · 02/11/2007 07:50

should say 'accept them for the way they are)

HectorsHouse · 02/11/2007 09:44

Can I just take you up on your self-perception as 'easy-going' because someone who is 'easy-going' does not dictate what other people should do with their money, house nor how they should dress to attend a party. You are far from 'easy-going'. What you may be is slightly immature though.

I have really taken offence at this thread and I think it is probably because I am from a large family of mainly girls and I recognise the whole siding together and talking about sisters behind their backs and coming to a conclusion about their lifestyle. I recognise the whole 'how strange is she, how normal am I'. I am also old enough to recognise that its bollocks and you just wouldn't ever treat a friend in this way. It's just offensive.

Flip

1 2