AIBU to have finally snapped?

[ChilliWillies]

Strap yourself in, this will be long. I’ve also name changed as what I’ll write is so identifying if you know me.
DH is a fussy eater. He claims he isn’t and that I’m the ‘weird’ one as I eat almost anything. DS6 is also going through a phase of saying he ‘hates’ the food I’ve made. For the record, I’m a good cook and am often complimented on my food.
I have managed to expand DH’s very limited palate over a lot of years so we can have less boring food, but any new recipe is met with suspicion. I can almost accept this, but what is CANNOT handle is that he changes his fucking mind! Something I made last week that he really enjoyed, this week ‘tastes awful’. I never know if he will like something that week or not. He also has form for getting annoyed about how food is served - I served curry and rice in big pasta bowls once and he made a big performance of tipping it all out onto a plate before he would eat it. I am the only cook - he can cook, but gets ridiculously stressed by it and also takes 3 hours to make anything.
Last night, I put dinner on the table, DS said ‘yuck, I hate this’ (he doesn’t, he loved it last week, getting this behaviour from his dad 😡) and left the table. DH poked at it dubiously, tried a bit and said ‘this is really bad’. It was some Sicilian Lamb Stew, leftover from the week before, that I’d frozen and then defrosted yesterday, served over a jacket potato. I explained he had liked it last time, and he said ‘what, with a jacket potato?’ I explained last time I’d served it with mashed potato and he literally said ‘oh that will be it then, you shouldn’t serve it with a jacket potato’!!!! 😡🙄. As if that would change the taste of the stew completely.
So, I actually lost it, stormed out, went to the shop and bought crappy white sliced bread, (he will moan if I buy unsliced bread, or anything with healthy seeds and grains in it) cheap ham, burgers, chicken nuggets and chips. When I got hone, I told him that’s what they were getting from now on, I give up.
He clearly didn’t believe me, because when I made lunch just now I made them plain ham sandwiches and made myself a new chicken story fry with peanut noodles recipe I’d been wanting to try. He’s got the right hump and is now not speaking to me.
So, we’ll done for getting this far. AIBU for subjecting to them to ham sandwiches and beige food for at least two weeks until they realise how good they had it?

Why do you make a grown man lunch. I must be a shit partner I get offended when mine expects stuff like that, like he's 6 and I'm his mum. Pass.

Why the fuck are you cooking for him, OP?

I'll admit I haven't RTFT, just the OP's posts, but I thought this was hilarious & read them out to my DH who said, in response to your DH's idea that Sicilian stew can only go with mashed potato not baked potato, "You've got a fork - mash it!".

Do you eat your wonderful-sounding meals in front of them, or banish them until the beige stuff is plated up?

By the way I’m not one to insist children eat what is in front of them. I will never insist my DGCs eat something they don’t like, but I would encourage them to find the appropriate way to say they don’t like something ‘ Grandma I tried that and I don’t like it, please could I have X instead?’ Is absolutely fine. ‘Yuk!’ Is not ok

@MyDcAreMarvel

There is a world of difference between lamb stew and mashed potato and lamb stew and jacket potato!

I was thinking this also but if someone had served me that, instead of being a baby I would just scoop the potato out and mash it with a fork, then eat it.

@jennygran1

Hi Chilli,

I feel I am writing with out enough information but because of your name I wonder if you like spicy food. Your other half seems to like bland food. I do not think you can carry on the way you are and perhaps you need to find a time when your child is asleep and you both are not tired or hungry to have a Heart to Heart. How this works is you agree to use a timer and then each person speaks without interruption for 5 minutes. You agree not to problem solve and keep your voice gentle. Then you give each other time to absorb what is said. Only then ask for suggestions about what to do next. If you find yourself loosing patience bring the discussion to a close and end it with a positive comment. " Thank you for listening." If you give respect then you can expect that back.

One thing that kills my appetite is food in bowls with sauce on top. I really do prefer a plate and the food separated and not piled up. I like to eat each thing and taste it. I like to combine textures of my choosing and I really do not like stews. We are all different and for your child's sake break the drama cycle that is not working for you both.

So, if you can agree you are different and have different needs that would start a kind exchange. I know he is rude and unhelpful and I am asking a lot of you to put that to one side. Labelling him a picky eater is stopping you from listening to his point of view.

I am hoping as you are an experienced cook you might cope with giving a choice and have a weekly menu so there are no surprises that start his bad habits. One solution I found was to have bread and cheese available so that if a child or partner found they could not eat what was there they could make themselves a sandwich and there is no need to comment or be rude.

best wishes

Janet

Really? Sod that.

OP your mistake was going to the shop and buying alternatives

Let Mr Fussy cater for himself and you can concentrate on DS

Op, have you gone?

I think threads like this can be a massive shock, there's one every day. An op comes on with what she perceives as a 'huh, men, eye roll' type comment, and is confronted by poster after poster telling her the man she chose to marry is an arsehole and that they wouldn't tolerate it.

It is hard to take in op, but do have a serious think about what people are saying.

just keep cooking OP then at mealtimes tell em its on the table,,take it or leave it but theres nothing else unless they make it themselves.Your cooking sounds delicious by the way.Your dh should soon get the message if he is hungry enough! You did the right thing and are not being unreasonable in the slightest!

Apart from a couple of predictable "he must be autistic"'s (and on MN I'm frankly amazed it's been so few) it's good to see the sheer common sense here

However forgive me for lowering the tone, but patios and spades come to mind ...

I'm not sure chicken nuggets and ham sandwiches are much of a punishment for a six-year-old. You might find it a battle to convince him your stews and stir frys are the better option...

Tell your DH that from now on he cooks his own dinner. And STICK TO IT, until he breaks down.

Does he have OCD?

I’ve already commented up thread OP, but just wanted to add that your cooking sounds delicious. Even more so on such a cold day like today! Every man I know would love to sit down to Sicilian Lamb Stew!

Oh dear Lord YANBU.
Stop cooking ANYTHING for the unappreciative twat.
As an adult - if he moans - at all - he feeds himself

Oops, posted too soon, was still arranging my thoughts. Tell your DS that they both eat what is put in front of them and that's that. They're not getting anything else. And no dessert.

Tell your DH that from now on if he doesn't appreciate you cooking for him, he cooks his own dinner. AND STICK TO IT, until he breaks down and gets the message, at least.

I'd ban him from eating with you and ds because he is passing his food issues on; you will never get another chance to help your 6yo form his lifelong relationship with food. whether that involves ds eating what you do, or eating something beige, that doesn't matter, but the fussing and sighing and using it as a power play that's coming from your dh has to go right in the bin, and he's made it clear he can't manage to eat without going through this whole pantomime, so he eats on his own in future. you can't fix his food issues, but you can stop him passing them on.

when my mum was a very little girl, my nan put a plate of food down in front of my grandad who huffed at her about something or other, so she picked it straight back up and threw it in the fire without saying a word. my mum was barely school age and she still talks about it to this day whenever we're discussing boundaries and tolerance of rude behaviour.

Agree that he should make his own food. But would be concerned about diet of younger members of family.

Well YANBU to be annoyed but your strategy for dealing with it sucks

Stop cooking or shopping for DH entirely. Let him sort himself out.

Keep feeding DS what you're eating, it's hardly a punishment to give him chicken nuggets and burgers all the time! If he objects to anything, he can make himself a sandwich or toast.

Revisit in two weeks. Stop being a martyr.

He is an adult. Why are you humouring him by making him a sandwich? Make him get his own and if DS wants to be picky, he can make his too. You are pandering to him far too much.

DH literally says you know me, I don’t mind

Stupid exdickhead was like this... ridiculously fussy but never offered and ideas or suggestions for what to have for dinner. Prick

I’d agree with that @ZoeTurtle

My 6 year old would think all her Christmas’s had come at once if she had plain ham sandwiches and chicken nuggets and chips.

Maybe eat separately with your son if you don’t want to make his fussiness worse?

Get him to cook one day then tell him that it’s awful, see how he likes it! I agree that this is controlling behaviour. Is he controlling in other ways?

How absolutely RUDE that you will stand there making him food and he will say it’s “horrible” .......
Tell him to make his own food from now on.

Op honestly I don't know how you have a) got the energy to cook spicy lamb in the first place and b) the self containment required not to dump said stew in dh's lap and tell him to do one.

How have you got all of these reserves and patience from?? Where? I would be blowing a fuse the first time and do not have it in me to put up with this kind of shit in the middle of a pandemic when I am on my knees. Holy Mary of God. Use your energy for something better, more fulfilling and leave a can of beans on the side and leave them to it!!!!!!!!!

I think that reaction - to something previously eaten as well - would definitely have upset me too, but from your description, you both sound as if you are trying to be a bit controlling.

Example I'm reminded of: my DH's family have very large appetites. If we go for, say, a roast dinner, the cook will serve up everything on everyone's plate in advance, including gravy, and put it in front of you at table. Is it rude to feel unable to eat everything or wishing that you could have a bit of control yourself? I "change my fucking mind" about some foods depending on how well my digestion is cooperating, not that I don't like them, but sometimes I can't tolerate them well.

You know DH has a 'very limited' palate and is not super-enthusiastic about new recipes even after a long time. I have a feeling he won't really mind loads if you retaliate with 'beige food' and give him free rein in what he consumes - he'll just get used to it, perhaps with a tinge of relief - but this will look unfair to your DS. Is there a way of coming to an agreement, over the cooking, but also the shopping and planning? Point out that he needs to give some thought to that (not just occasionally when he feels like it) and it is not automatically your job.