AIBU to have finally snapped?

[ChilliWillies]

Strap yourself in, this will be long. I’ve also name changed as what I’ll write is so identifying if you know me.
DH is a fussy eater. He claims he isn’t and that I’m the ‘weird’ one as I eat almost anything. DS6 is also going through a phase of saying he ‘hates’ the food I’ve made. For the record, I’m a good cook and am often complimented on my food.
I have managed to expand DH’s very limited palate over a lot of years so we can have less boring food, but any new recipe is met with suspicion. I can almost accept this, but what is CANNOT handle is that he changes his fucking mind! Something I made last week that he really enjoyed, this week ‘tastes awful’. I never know if he will like something that week or not. He also has form for getting annoyed about how food is served - I served curry and rice in big pasta bowls once and he made a big performance of tipping it all out onto a plate before he would eat it. I am the only cook - he can cook, but gets ridiculously stressed by it and also takes 3 hours to make anything.
Last night, I put dinner on the table, DS said ‘yuck, I hate this’ (he doesn’t, he loved it last week, getting this behaviour from his dad 😡) and left the table. DH poked at it dubiously, tried a bit and said ‘this is really bad’. It was some Sicilian Lamb Stew, leftover from the week before, that I’d frozen and then defrosted yesterday, served over a jacket potato. I explained he had liked it last time, and he said ‘what, with a jacket potato?’ I explained last time I’d served it with mashed potato and he literally said ‘oh that will be it then, you shouldn’t serve it with a jacket potato’!!!! 😡🙄. As if that would change the taste of the stew completely.
So, I actually lost it, stormed out, went to the shop and bought crappy white sliced bread, (he will moan if I buy unsliced bread, or anything with healthy seeds and grains in it) cheap ham, burgers, chicken nuggets and chips. When I got hone, I told him that’s what they were getting from now on, I give up.
He clearly didn’t believe me, because when I made lunch just now I made them plain ham sandwiches and made myself a new chicken story fry with peanut noodles recipe I’d been wanting to try. He’s got the right hump and is now not speaking to me.
So, we’ll done for getting this far. AIBU for subjecting to them to ham sandwiches and beige food for at least two weeks until they realise how good they had it?

You are not unreasonable for storming out. You are definitely unreasonable for them going to the shop, buying different food and then actually making it for them!!! Tell him to sod off and make it himself

What's with acting like staff at meal times?

That's exactly what she is being treated like - well actually I would hope staff get treated better!

I cannot believe a grown man would treat someone so disrespectfully - this is bigger than just the food, and the DS is seeing this and thinking that is how to treat a woman.

I would like OP to come back and read everyone's posts but somehow I don't think she will or she will just make excuses for him as she's too far gone to see him for what he is.

YANBU

You are too patient by half. We have two rules in our house, applied to all DH and me included.

1. If the food is something we haven't had before, you have to try it before you are allowed to reject it.

1. If you don't want to eat what I cooked for you, you can make yourself a sandwich or cook something else.

Saves an awful lot of arguments. And I have far less stress. Also resulted in the kids eating almost everything.

My elderly dad used be like this, when l took over his shopping and cooking. I literally ran out of ideas and once burst into tears in the supermarket l was so stressed trying do a shop for them. He'd race about something one week then say he'd gone off it week after. If l made a stew or a pie (and l am a good cook, family rave about my chicken pie and beef stew to name a few) He would sit there chewing it with his face screwed up like he was chewing a wasp or something, but he loved it week before. I ended up buying him loads of those ready meals to stop wasting my time and just cooked something proper a few times a week. He was even same with them, loved them, told me get certain ones he'd enjoyed week before, ten they'd be stuck at bottom of freezer till out of date and he'd be ringing saying he'd nothing in. Mind you unlike your DH he had a bit of an excuse, l think some dementia at play. But still exhausting.

Would you like to come and live with me op grin]. I promise that I will eat everything you cook and also praise you up to the sky. And ... drum roll ...wait for it ...I will even cook for you once a week. I would certainly go on strike and leave dh to make his own food for a while

rave not race

and 'then' not 'ten'

@MsMarch

Your biggest issue here is that he's turning your DS into an erratic, fussy, ungrateful eater. That would make me so angry. I'd be telling them that if he doesn't like the food, that's fine. But to constantly complain and be inconsistent is setting a really bad example for the DC and you are not going to put up with it anymore.

I'd also be tempted to start eating with just you and DC and he can sort his own food out. And feel free to say things like, "Daddy doesn't like as much variety as we do." or "Daddy's food is a bit boring so we're going to eat this yummy different food instead."

THIS. I'm totally horrified that you're putting up with this tbh. Just feed yourself and your kids from now on. His attitude stinks. He can make his own food from now on. FWIW my husband is a significantly better cook than I am. We both know this. But I've been a mostly SAHM for a while now and he works until after 6 so I cook most nights. Sure the children whinge from time to time and my dh finds enough to moan about generally but not once has he ever complained about what I have put in front of him. He knows I would not be impressed if he did.

YABU, you shouldn't be cooking for your DH at all, he's rude and ungrateful for your free labour.

My DS was incredibly fussy when he was little, I took absolutely no notice. I cooked good nutritious food and if he didn't want it, that was fine, no fights, no arguments, he could either eat it or not and if he was still hungry there was always toast and apples.

Cook what you want to eat if you want to cook. Then other people can eat if they want. If they don't want, that's up to them, they can take their turns to cook the stuff they like.

@Bahhhhhumbug: Older people often develop a reduced appetite I think, and difficulties with chewing some things, and taking a long time to eat a full meal. So I can forgive them, and young children with sensory issues.

Grown adults I can't, though, and I think that's because I was an extremely fussy food phobic child myself but as a young adult I realised it was ridiculous and I needed to change. I now eat more or less anything and can tolerate things I don't like much for politeness' sake, so fussy adults who comment on the food that someone's cooked them or who pull a face or won't try anything really piss me off! If I can do it, anyone can...

DH can be annoying. Brought up on convenience food and roast dinners from what I can tell (3 roast dinners a week, all wtih overcooked mushy veg, dry stringy overcooked). He once went ballistic because he'd eaten a bolognese I'd cooked, enjoyed it, then I told him it had carrot in it, chopped up v small, according to the recipe. He went on how he hates carrots yet he ate the whole lot and said it was nice but that I'd tricked him into eating carrots and it wasn't on! He stormed out, exactly like a child. I can't figure it out, I assume it stems from his childhood somehow.....

Anyway, OP, you've got my sympathy, I know exactly how you feel. But you need to stop cooking for him, beige or not. It's disappointing I know, but I Think you and DS should eat the lovely food separate from your DH, I really do.

ps I wouldn't be going to the trouble of getting him and cooking him beige food. If you've already bought it surely he can just make it himself? I don't get why you are still cooking for him at all.

I would never expect anyone to eat something they don't like. In my house , you can say politely 'it's not to my taste thank you,' then make yourself a sandwich.
Commenting on others food choices, calling food yuk or disgusting, not thanking the cook all forbidden too.
I was brought up in a house dominated by fussy eaters and I can't bear it . Eat what you like but be polite and thankful

It's him telling you the food you're making is horrible that's the problem. That's incredibly rude.

I think it's time dh cooked his own food and your son ate separately to his Dad so he stops acting like this. It's outrageous that ds poked at the food said that it tastes awful and left. I don't expect my kids to enjoy everything but they aren't allowed to say that and just leave. Does your son help with the cooking? Start teaching him now time consuming it is to cook and perhaps he'll start appreciating why it's rude.

Why did you go out and buy the beige food? You should have sent your h out to buy beige food for him and ds. Have him cook meals and understand why it's rude for your son to say it's disgusting. I don't understand why you're cooking lunch? I cook dinner for my teens but it's up to them to sort their own lunch between lessons. They usually make a quick sandwich or some noodles- pretty plain but keeps them going. Your ds is old enough to make sandwiches too.

I think that your h should be mortified for saying that a meal that you cooked tastes awful. If it's a restaurant he could send it back but wtf is he thinking? I'm angry on your behalf

I don't think you were at all unreasonable in getting upset/annoyed with them.

In you situation, I think I would probably decide to cook meals that I like say 4 times a week, which they can decide (in advance) whether they will join or not. If not, then your dh can heat up beige food. He should also be cooking 1-2 times a week - if it takes him 3 hours he will have to learn to start early. You can eat leftovers the remaining evenings.

Please do give your son the choice of proper food each day - I have a fussy eater who probably would live on ham sandwiches and chicken nuggets if never encouraged to eat other things.

Oh God well done, they are beyond belief ungrateful for your lovely cooking, stick with the 2 week plan!

I agree with others, please don't punish your son and give him beige crap. If he doesn't eat what you put in front of him then he goes hungry. He will soon learn. Fair enough if he genuinely doesn't like something but if he's eaten it before then he can eat it again.

I hate trying new food. I hate cooking. I have ocd and it causes me massive anxiety ! With autism , a sensory aspect can be food. Liking food the same . Stop with the meals. Keep it simple , your getting yourself worked up. If you want a different meal just get a ready meal for yourself.

@Teapotuser

I hate trying new food. I hate cooking. I have ocd and it causes me massive anxiety ! With autism , a sensory aspect can be food. Liking food the same . Stop with the meals. Keep it simple , your getting yourself worked up. If you want a different meal just get a ready meal for yourself.

So op should eat crappy ready meal? Nah, it should be the other way around. Unless I misread you.

Now, it's absolutely understandable taht some peolle have genuine uncontrollable issues around food. What they can however control is what comes out of their mouth. If someone has issues, there is no need to be rude to someone who cooked for them.

I hate trying new food. I hate cooking. I have ocd and it causes me massive anxiety ! With autism , a sensory aspect can be food. Liking food the same . Stop with the meals. Keep it simple , your getting yourself worked up. If you want a different meal just get a ready meal for yourself.

Not sure if you missed the information about his inconsistency and rudeness. He likes something and the he doesn't and is rude about it. No one wants to cook a meal that won't be eaten but when the OP doesn't know one meal to the next what he will and won't eat what is she supposed to do. If the things he didn't like stayed the same she'd have half a chance to cook a meal the whole family would eat.

His attitude to her efforts is rude and ungrateful and appears to be rubbing off on their child. I'm sure your food anxiety must make some aspects of life more difficult at times so you must be able to understand why the OP would like her child to feel relaxed about mealtimes.

I don't think he has ARFID eating issues as sometimes he will like the same foods.

Even if he did have ARFID, he's a grown up, seems to function ok and have a normal IQ. OP doesn't mention any major issues with social skills.

He doesn't have to be rude or thoughtles, he knows and can do better. But he chooses to be obnoxious.

OP

You haven't said why you are making another adults meals for them every single day?

Off topic as previous posters have expressed my feelings very eloquently! But would you mind posting the recipe for Sicilian lamb stew? It sounds lovely!

YANBU
Let him do the meal planning, shopping, cooking and clearing up for a month and see how he gets on.

Take the opportunity to cook all your favourite meals. Make them decedent and exotic. Just enjoy your freedom to cook whatever you want without passing comment. Then after a few weeks of DH cooking his own meal sit down and agree menus and his cooking nights. Let him stress and cook a few nights a week.