To take a 40k pay cut

[lul37]

We have been living in ME for almost 6 years now and wanting to move back to our home in London since last year.

DH has finally been offered a job back, BUT it's on a much lower pay than what he's on now, basically 40k less than what he's currently on. Not to mention the tax to be paid on top of what once we are back.

He also just got promoted in his current role which pays well but requires a lot of travel and is also unstable (lots of redundancy happening due to Covid, etc).

I'm just unsure if it's the right time now to move back, due to Covid situation and also with pay cut, i feel it would be such a downgrade. We would probably manage on the lower pay in London if I could find a part time job if we move back. Don't know if that going to be possible under the current lockdown.

I haven't been able to work while abroad due to DH's constant travel schedule.

On the other hand, we really want to move back to be closer to our family as many friends here have left and we we feel so isolated, I'm also worried about the hassle of moving schools for my two DS (12 yrs and 9yrs) right now.

But I'm also worried we might not get another offer in the next year or this is the best offer under the Covid circumstances.

AIBU to want him to turn it down now, and hope he gets a better offer in a few months?? I feel he is disappointed but torn as well.

Do you own your house in London (and where it is)

I would say that actually you are unlikely to get much better at the moment so it comes down to if you want to come bakc now or not

sounds to me like it's not so much a £40k drop that concerns you but the risk of instability once you get back here.

It's all about clarifying the problem which is why mumsnet is so useful!

Is your 12 year old born before or after 31st August 2009 ie UK Y7 or Y8? If Y8 then I'd say you could move back next year some point into Y9 but less good to move to start Y10 and catastrophic to think about moving for Y11 - though fine to move for sixth form.

What sort of schools would be available (with a realistic chance of there being space in them) when you get back? Good, excellent, average or ropey?

It sounds as though you'd be better staying where you are for a little while longer but only you know how much you're missing the UK and whether you could trim your expenses in the ME and have a bit more of a buffer when you get back.

40k salary drop but free medical care, free schooling, closer to family and friends, opportunity for you to work. Will you truly be worse off?

[quote lul37]@lurker101 it's a drop from £130k down to £90k. I know money isn't everything just keep thinking it's such a shit time to relocate. He has worked so hard to get that promotion as well. DH is confused but leaning towards staying put for now. The going rate for his London role is actually between £100-£120k.[/quote]
So he got a promotion and they want to underpay him?

Crap, but clearly an employer's market right now. Jobs are being shed, not added, in many sectors.

And you won't actually get to see your friends and family for a while if you move back... social distancing, quarantining, no travelling etc

I'd consider staying where you are for the time being.

It sounds like you can’t afford to live in uk AND have your lifestyle AND be a sahm, one needs to give. Personally I would look at working full time, you’d have the same family income (assuming you can earn around 40k yourself?).

If you could manage with the drop take money out of the equation.

Your eldest is 12 so in my head it's move now or stay put for the sake of his education. As things stand he'd be entering secondary school just before GCSE selection and the syllabus ramping up. Moving him between now and those exams (or equivalent if you stay put) is less than ideal.

So down to an old fashioned pros/cons list about why you'd want to move and why you'd want to stay. Money isn't everything so that gets just as much weight as your other reasons on the list.

Well that's the whole point about being in the ME - much higher salaries, better packages and no / low tax. If you want to move back then you need to accept you will lose that all.

@Mumoftwoinprimary

You have a 12 year old - are they a Y7 12 year old or a Y8 12 year old. If Year 7 then you have a bit of time. If Year 8 then you need to move before they start Y9 as a lot of schools start GCSE courses in Y9.

So if Y8 then you either need to take this job or accept that there is a good chance you will be staying in the ME until your youngest goes to university as you may struggle to find other “moving points” that work school wise.

This. I would move now and take the financial hit. I get it, dh and I used to have oodles of money when we lived abroad on an expat salary and with no kids. It’s was bliss. Some years with all the perks, he got double what he’s on now.

What is your DH's industry (broadly if you don't want to give details)? I think maybe it depends on whether that is likely to be his only job offer for some time or not. The timelines with your kids are tricky too with uni fees although my brother had a gap year before uni which meant home status fees (we moved to the UK just as he started his A levels) so maybe not insurmountable.

The ME doesn't appeal to me whatsoever ordinarily but given that you're already there I don't know whether I'd move back right now. Life here isn't great at the moment. Is there any scope for you to do any work at all in the ME? If you can get some serious savings behind you now that would help in the future, whatever your decision.

What line of work is he is OP?
If he's oil and gas there other places possible abroad with spousal support that you could consider.

Have you drawn up a budget for home and sort of mapped out what lifestyle changes you'll be making? What will your week look like? How much more/less time with kids? What sort of property? What will holidays and working week be like?

I think as costs are different salary is almost a bit of a red herring in that its not as important as what your actual life looks like.

I'd move back and it is a good time for the kids to move.
Money isn't everything and if you aren't too fussy to begin with their are jobs about.
With most people wfh too, that would give you extra time to get your home how you want it.
The kids will see it as an adventure at their age, and are usually resilient especially if it's a positive move.

Stay put. Things are awful in Europe with covid.

Well that's the whole point about being in the ME - much higher salaries

The much higher salary doesn't actually appear to be the case here. I think most people returning from the middle East would have a much more significant paycut

If it were me:
I’d get DH to try to get the 90 up to 100, if he can get that then I’d 100% move back ASAP but would move to outside of London so either outer zones or Home Counties and take a part time job myself for £20-30k. Kids are old enough that you can definitely both work and good time for 12 year old to move.

Well I'm guessing he had a big jump in salary when he moved to the ME? Obviously, when you come back, you go back on to UK salary.

Have a family member living in the ME and they came back recently (when it was allowed with the travel corridor) and were shocked at how strict the UK was and how miserable it was in comparison - particularly for children and what I call the ex-pat lifestyle. No restaurants open, not allowed to socialise, no activities for children (play parks / pools / gyms/ sport) and life just being pretty miserable.

I do think timing is an issue however with a 12 yr old. My priority would be their education, and if we had to take a hit as a family in income, I would.

@Historydweeb he works in IT and is head digitalization at his company. His job involved continued travel to Saudi previously so I haven't worked while kids were younger in order to save up on childcare. There are no after school clubs here just nannies. My working wouldn't have justified the cost of childcare. We have a mortgage on a 2 bed flat in zone 6 in London, it's not next to any decent schools but it's very close to the station so we have been renting it out. If we moved back now we would probably rent next to good schools and hope places open up. DS1 is in year 7 so as some here have said we still have time left but not much.

Where will you be happiest? That's the place where you will better accept compromises.

You're in agreement that you both want to move, and your son is 12, now's the time really.
40k isn't as big a difference as it sounds, comparing ME to London wages. The going wage for his role has likely decreased a bit in the last couple of years.

The job offer isn't yours to accept or decline unfortunately.
It might take some time to find a job yourself, but it's definitely possible (especially when schools go back.)

Do you have any savings to tide you over for a month or two? Has he confirmed they need him on site, in person, immediately? A lot of London companies have everyone working remotely, could he work temporarily from ME till lockdown is over?

@DappledOliveGroves

Assuming the Middle East has fewer Covid restrictions in place than here then I'd hold fire for the time being. Things are utterly shit here and if I could, I'd move anywhere else in a heartbeat.

If you're settled, earning good money and have the option to eat out, socialise and have kids at school then those would be of paramount importance at this time. Maybe re-assess in a year or two?

Absolutely this.

It is definitely a shit time to move; however it may be the same for a few years and the longest your stay the more difficult it becomes.

How important is for you to be close to family and friends? Do you both have parents in the UK who are getting older?

Could you put up living in the ME for another 2 years.

The good thing about your husband not earning more than 100k is that he still keeps his annual allowance so his taxes will be less than if he earns over 100k.

Personally I'd stay one more year and see how things are same time next year 2022.

UK is shite at the moment with lockdown. Your kids wouldn't see anyone at all, ever and your DS would not be 'starting' any kind of schooling at all. It would be from home and you would know no one.

I think it's not the right time to return at all.

Plus your DH gets one year at the new job. Things are awful here. Stay put.

Yesterday I was saying to DH that I wanted to move to Singapore or somewhere else. I'm so fed up of this country. It's my country. I'm "British" but I'm hating the way it is run at the moment.

It really is very bad. Don't come. Please. Not yet.