For refusing to talk to the school

[pinkpixie83]

I am no longer talking to my boys primary school. I am a single parent, working from home, three children, 2 of primary age and 1 high school age. I have been honest with the school all along that home schooling is nigh on impossible, and now they are just repeatedly ringing me. The have admitted they can't offer me any help, so I don't see any point in repeated phone calls, it achieves nothing.

Oh OP not quite in the same situation, but I've just gotten fed up with school ringing every other day! We only have one fully working laptop that my first child uses to do work. Every other spare device in our house, is slow freezes. Myself and dh can't give our laptop as we are wfh. I notified school of this right in the Beginning, took them for ever to finally send a laptop for my second child to use! Except it's useless!! They blocked it from accessing pretty much everything, including educational websites that they send links to for dc to use to do work, lots of YouTube link is also sent from the school and again useless as YouTube is blocked. Microsoft teams doesn't work, won't let me log in. The school keep saying they will get back to me to sort it out, except they don't! Instead call to see how the children are getting on with remote learning!! From last week I just ignore the calls now, I've told them numerous times the issue we are having, they seriously expect me to sit with child and explain and discuss the work??? And work myself ??? When they give no solution to the fact we are unable to access any work via the school laptop. I felt I was just repeating myself Everytime. Feels better ignoring school calls.

OP, did it ever occur to you that the school might be trying to ring you to say they have a spare place at school or that they have located an extra iPad/laptop for your child or can help in another way? Did the school outright tell you that there is no help they will give you when you told them what your situation was? That doesn’t sound like an ordinary response.

Are you in a position to help your children with their school work after you have finished your work hours or over the weekend at all?

YABU to not answer the phone if they ring, however stressful your situation is. Withdrawing communication is never a good strategy.

When they ring, tell them you are struggling. You have to work at your job, you don't have adequate facilities for your children to work and you cannot give them the support that they need. And repeat.

Then get on with your day. Hopefully some sort of support will be arranged at some point, but until then repeat that you are all struggling. As a minimum, I'd like the one struggling most (the eight year old) back in school and another device on loan for the ten year old, if that could be managed.

Sorry for you OP, it's crap really. But you need to stay in touch with them, otherwise further protocols will be triggered.

Well they have visited, and repeated the information they gave me last week, they have no laptops left as we have one between the two of them we are OK on that front. They have no space to have them in school, even though they acknowledge that them doing no learning makes them vulnerable, along with my son's ADHD. But if they are full they are full.

They can see that I am struggling, and that the children are ok, although not engaging.

I appreciate they need to check, but i am doing my level best, i feel terrible that their education is suffering, but there are not enough hours in the day, if i try and do home learning with them outside of school hours/work hours i am going to be run into the ground, they need me to be some kind of managing and normal parent as much as i can be.

Parents like you drive me mad! We’ve had to spend so much time doing home visits, we don’t get time off timetable to do them so it has to be on an evening after we finish, just like all the phone calls can’t be done in lesson time either. You could just answer the phone and have a 2 minute conversation.

OP, did it ever occur to you that the school might be trying to ring you to say they have a spare place at school or that they have located an extra iPad/laptop for your child or can help in another way?

That is a really good point. You really are cutting off your nose to spite your face here, @pinkpixie83. Answer the damn phone! It might be good news.

ah...cross post

Look, some schools, as I know from bitter experience, can get bloody arsey if you don't comply and do what they want, in this case answering the phone. So be careful.
I would be adult, be polite, send a quick email with
"thank you for your calls, unfortunate you have called when I am contractually obligated to be working from home, please be advised the children are well and work is progressing where possible but isn't always handed in when expected due to my contracted hours and single parent status. If you would like to email or schedule a call for a more mutually convenient time that would be great, elsewise we will see you when school is able to commence in person learning.
Best wishes"

That way, they can see you've engaged, you've also made it clear it is not convenient for you to be being called frequently during working hours. It also shows you are aware the lack of constant learning engaged but this is being addressed.
They can't touch you then.

I'm not saying the OP is right or wrong, but some of the comments on here are absolutely laughable and show zero understanding of what it is like to be a single working parent.
Eg just do it in your lunch time/after work/before work/weekend...err that is when a single parent is preparing breakfast/lunch/dinner/cleaning/doing the shopping/doing the washing/tidying...or god forbid having 10 minutes to herself!!
As for the 'you are making work for the school' brigade...you have all the empathy of a breeze block.

Does your son with adhd have a consultant? Could you talk to them about medication being possibility for ADHD?

Of course they are ringing. I suppose your children aren't logging in and not doing their work.

The school is legally responsible for providing education, so are you.

They are doing their job and you are making it difficult for them, I wouldn't be surprised if they escalated this.

You can be fined quite heavily for this.

@pinkpixie83

Well they have visited, and repeated the information they gave me last week, they have no laptops left as we have one between the two of them we are OK on that front. They have no space to have them in school, even though they acknowledge that them doing no learning makes them vulnerable, along with my son's ADHD. But if they are full they are full.

They can see that I am struggling, and that the children are ok, although not engaging.

I appreciate they need to check, but i am doing my level best, i feel terrible that their education is suffering, but there are not enough hours in the day, if i try and do home learning with them outside of school hours/work hours i am going to be run into the ground, they need me to be some kind of managing and normal parent as much as i can be.

OP, if they are acknowledging your kids are vulnerable, is there no one else you can speak to to try and reach a resolution? What about the schools family support worker, have you tried them?

@Chanandlerbong01

Parents like you drive me mad! We’ve had to spend so much time doing home visits, we don’t get time off timetable to do them so it has to be on an evening after we finish, just like all the phone calls can’t be done in lesson time either. You could just answer the phone and have a 2 minute conversation.

I have never known a visit by school staff to be outside of school hours, how odd.

All the phone calls we get from my dcs schools are in lesson time.

It's no wonder op is sick and tired of the calls if the attitude of her dc's teachers is anything like yours here- no concern expressed, just "you make me angry! I have to do more things!"

@ChardonnaysPetDragon

Of course they are ringing. I suppose your children aren't logging in and not doing their work.

The school is legally responsible for providing education, so are you.

They are doing their job and you are making it difficult for them, I wouldn't be surprised if they escalated this.

You can be fined quite heavily for this.

Stop trying to frighten the op. She won't be fined. This is bullshit.

@ChardonnaysPetDragon way to go with the most unhelpful guilt laden post that will obviously help the OP sort this out

*Does your son with adhd have a consultant? Could you talk to them about medication being possibility for ADHD?

Can you call reception and leave a message to say all is well but you can't respond to calls in working hours ( they won't call out of hours).

@Marzipan12

Schools have to make contact for safeguarding purposes. I get a weekly call to check how my kids are doing even tho they log on for every lesson and submit work. It feels like a bit of a waste of their time but they have a duty to check on every child. Just answer the phone.

My dd's school are only contacting us because I sent them a very, very angry email about the abandonment of my DD. For the first three weeks of lockdown we had no contact at all, no live lessons, no registration or check ins. Worksheets put online to print off and do. I could have murdered DD on day one of lockdown and her school would have had absolutely no idea, so long as I was clicking "done" on the Google classroom tasks.

I can see both sides.

Teachers and support staff/heads etc have been put in a situation entirely alien to them until last March. There has never been a modern educational era like this. It has taken time to adapt.
The DofE are asking so much of them, I know some of my DC's teachers are doing lives from home where they have children to look after too! It's a no win situation. Edu welfare are also expecting staff to make sure they regularly contact pupils whether there are concerns or not as it could be going on for months where they won't see the pupils. Even if they log in for lives, most won't have their camera on (mine don't). If they aren't logging in that's a long time to have no interaction.
Then we have parents. Single or otherwise. We have to work. Or do housework. And suddenly, we are teachers, we are support staff for our kids with SEN. We have to watch out for the latest round of Covid related BS of variants and restrictions and when will this end. Will we still have a job? Is our home secure rented or not. How will make our latest bills. Some of us will have older or vulnerable family we can't see and are worried about.
It's all such a mess isn't it?
So I get the teacher you quoted saying she gets frustrated when calls are ignored and she is having to schlep out in freezing conditions after hours (and after pay times) to check because a civil servant tells them to, even if they've never had welfare concerns before.
I also get why parents who are juggling jobs, worries and kids who are fed up and learning in ways we never did are just as frustrated.

Its the government we should be pissed off with. Not each other.

The Government are issuing more laptops, can you check with the school whether you fulfil the criteria for these new ones? Do your children receive FSM?

There are a number of charities sorting out laptops, resources etc for children, can you see if there are any operating in your area, or again ask school whether they can source you one via these charities.

@unmarkedbythat The OP has made her children vulnerable by not making them do their work. I expect that not answering their call has also contributed to that.

The school is legally responsible for providing education, so are you.

This isn’t the case. The OP is perfectly willing to send her child to school, the service isn’t open. Please don’t spread this sort of rubbish.

To be fair to the OP, if they've got no constructive support to offer, why are they calling? It's just box ticking. If she's doing a job from home where she cant keep breaking off, then what's she supposed to do? The government cant have it both ways- if they want to be responsible for education, keep schools open and educate. If they don't/can't, back off and stop harassing already stretched parents.

Apologies if this has already been mentioned as I have only skim read the thread. Would the school be able to help out with a laptop so they dont have to share the one? That would maybe incentivise them to do some work alongside each other.

@AStudyinPink

Well, I mean, it’s not helpful that you’re doing this, but you’re not breaking any laws. They could send someone to check on their welfare but I’m assuming they’re fine.

Technically all parents have to ensure that their children are receiving a broad and balanced education. It isn't being enforced at the moment, as about 1% of the country aren't managing it, and there would be public outcry, but that responsibility is enshrined in law. We usually subcontract that responsibility to schools but the responsibility lies with us as parents.