Husband wanting to quit job

[Dreamylemon]

My DH has a relatively well paid, stable job which he has done for the last 10 years. He has had periods where he hates it (busy periods) and other times over summer where it's quieter and he is fine. It allows him to work from home and be flexible, however he works very long hours. He has made no attempt to change the way he works with his long hours or address stress. He is a bit a martyr and people pleaser and I am often shocked at how much he does for other people ( which isn't part of his job) it took him 7 years for the qualifications to get this job during that time I supported him finiacially.

He is now saying he will quit his job and learn coding in September and get a new job. He is basing this in his friends ( who work in jobs around IT) saying he will find a job easily and praising a website he made about 15 years ago.

I said I need to hear more information about what jobs are out There, what qualifications need etc salary before he makes this decision and we need to look at finiances ( I work PT) He doesn't have this information. He is very academically clever but has no drive or direction and it feels like he quits jobs to chase another he doesn't gave enough info on.

I know AINBU in insisting he actually has a plan before quitting a stable job in the middle of a pandemic but how the hell do I get him to listen?! I want to scream!!

I took a 12 week bootcamp style course in web development. My first job was £25k, then I moved and asked for £40k. Now I earn £65k with the potential to earn well over £100k+. I work 9:30 to 6pm, I can come in late and nobody bats an eyelid, I have 27 days holiday a year, lots of benefits and not to mention stock options. You're encouraged to not think about work in the evenings and weekends. I'm very happy in my job! Loads of tech companies are hiring at the moment, too, even in a pandemic.

have zero qualifications, and have never been to university. But I have drive and enthusiasm.

HOWEVER, I would definitely encourage your DH to learn a bit on his own first!

You know what, if he's not publishing and he attracts student issues, then it might be ok in a pandemic when nobody has time to care about him, but sooner or later there will be a reckoning, and he might be performance managed out. He might prefer to get out before that happens.

If he's into statistics, then surely there are related jobs in statistical modelling (for financials, for weather, medicine) and perhaps developing models within IT, no? He might do better in a field with a less constant social interface than one with heavy teaching.

I would ask him to go part time in his present job while learning coding and that he can give give his present job up completely once he’s secured a coding job.

If he's an academic in statistics, I think there will be private sector options for him - in finance, consulting, data analysis.

I think that you are right that ultimately the problem is him. And his plan sounds half-baked at best. But options outside academia using his current skills would exist, I reckon. Well paid ones too.

@littlepattilou despite his lack of insight and poor communication he is a kind and thoughtful man. Not materialistic and not in it for power or money. I think he wants to feel he has done a good job and something worthwhile. He doesn't feel he is doing that in his current job. He is motivated by praise and he is not getting this from students or seniors at the moment.

@Hardbackwriter he has stuck it out for 10 years so has given it a good go. The PhD years were long and frustrating though. As I say I do not believe in staying miserable if he has realistic plan. That's the but that is missing.

Does he have any postgrad students that can do a bit of hand holding for undergrads

A PP was right about coders/programmers needed cutting edge skills. DH has 20+ years exp. He stuck in the same company for a while, his skills became out of date, and while looking for a new job in lockdown had 1 interview in 6 months. And all the companies advertising now want everything. 1 language isn't anywhere near enough - all the demand is for developers who are experienced in several languages plus a whole host of addons. It's really not just as easy as teaching yourself 1 programming language and you're up and running. As others have said, he needs to learn his coding and apply for jobs before giving up his current one.

I work in this field, there's nothing to stop your husband trying coding immediately, to see if he actually likes it? Yes you can go to academies, self-teach etc it's probably one of the most accessible roles in that regard (I know people who have done both) but it will be a non-starter if he has no aptitude for it. Also can he, with PhD etc, stomach being bottom of the food chain? Be willing to learn (and bring his experience?) Younger developers being more senior, faster, better.

If he can be humble, and has skill for it, it could be a great career change. But it isn't a silver bullet and should be regarded as any other career change - test the water and make a plan.

If he can translate his skills with statistics into data science, that would be worth exploring - understanding data is fundamental to businesses and most companies are drowning in data. Data scientists are in short supply and hot demand. Could be worth exploring.

One final point, there are tonnes of free courses and introductions to coding if he wants to try before commiting to an academy. Code Academy is great and usually has some free trials, or Khan academy.

Working part time as a lecturer is extremely common. Surely the answer is for you to switch - he goes from full time to part time to allow him to retrain whilst you go from part time to full time so that you are better positioned to support him?

@sbhydrogen I looked up getting into coding about 4 years ago when he mentioned it and said he was thinking oh going back as an undergraduate and found some courses. He has been tinkering with them but doesn't have the time ( due to long hours and we have 2 young children). It's good to know these opportunities exsist

Data scientist sounds far more like it would use his skills - this is exactly the sort of thing I was thinking thank you. It's well out of my area - is there such a thing as an adult career advisors that are actually useful? I'm put off by my experiences as a teenager of clueless career advisors!

I would be more than happy to go full time and him go part time if he had a solid/realistic plan

My husband is in software development. He did a 1yr masters designed at career changers and now, 5 years later, is head of the software team in his organisation. He recruits every member of his team. They have loads of positions (growing the team) available and are struggling to fill them, as are his friends in the same field. It's definitely a growing industry and one you can make a lot of money in (I'm a hospital consultant and DH earns double what I do). You can do 6 week bootcamps which teach you everything you need to know, a few of DHs team did them.

BUT everyone I know on the industry lives and breathes code. They do it in their spare time, have their own projects running, blood about it, read about it etc. The ones who don't are in low pay, boring jobs. If your DH doesn't already enjoy coding it would be a bit of mistake.

He has a PhD and he wants to become an entry level coder. That is insane. He should spend some time on evenings and weekends learning R and stata and then apply for research positions.

@Dreamylemon

Data scientist sounds far more like it would use his skills - this is exactly the sort of thing I was thinking thank you. It's well out of my area - is there such a thing as an adult career advisors that are actually useful? I'm put off by my experiences as a teenager of clueless career advisors!

Not in my experience, no! And in any case careers are so diverse and so complex that I can't really see how a career counsellor or advisor would keep up. I think you just have to do your own research when and if you identify a specific field of interest. Or post a Mumsnet thread if you need to narrow down.

Tons of information online about a data science career.

Devil’s advocate here; You work PT - that must be nice. I wonder how that feels for him whilst he’s working long hours and you’re deciding whether he’s allowed to resign or not.

Ps. Data scientist does involve coding, generally in Python and R. He could upskill in those and make a career shift without having to become a software developer. In fact I wouldn't be surprised if he already knows and uses R.

My brother does coding (he's 25). He got hired by some of biggest financial institutions/IT giants almost on the spot and never has a problem with work. He also earns as much as I do and I'm 10 years older and a solicitor on a 6-figure salary.

Coding/IT is a fantastic area to qualify into.

My DH announced today he’s going to quit his stable job to do a horticulture course. When I asked him what the earning potential was he got furious, apparently I’m difficult and controlling! He’s done no research and is chasing a dream that he’ll get bored of within a year (this will be his 3rd major career change too!). So no advice to give but I feel your frustration.

@Changedforthisyear I'm always up for a different perspective. I've put him working part time in the table many times and he hasn't wanted to do it. Our kids are just reaching school age and both are pretty ful on and intense. I imagine that has put him off pt working.....

I mentioned in a previous post I supported him for 7 years during phd and before- I feel I've contributed.

I currently work .8wte in a job which matches his salary and is pretty stressful.

So I hear what your saying but I don't think that is the case....

[quote Dreamylemon]@Changedforthisyear I'm always up for a different perspective. I've put him working part time in the table many times and he hasn't wanted to do it. Our kids are just reaching school age and both are pretty ful on and intense. I imagine that has put him off pt working.....

I mentioned in a previous post I supported him for 7 years during phd and before- I feel I've contributed.

I currently work .8wte in a job which matches his salary and is pretty stressful.

So I hear what your saying but I don't think that is the case....[/quote]
I'm with you @Dreamylemon. I work .8 and while that's my choice, I think DH would say I have the harder job, as I do pull more of the weight with the kids. And you supported him through his PhD, you're hardly controlling and unsupportive.

Either one of a couple resigning to retrain requires discussion and mutual agreement.

At least a PhD in statistics is not irrelevant. I agree, data scientist. Do an open University course on different databases, learn r and sql.
Coding job hiring often have a technical test. It’s fairly basic, just a test that you have basic competency so don’t expect passing it to mean he gets a job, but if he follows the coding plan I would have zero support for him quitting his job until he can pass a few technical tests.

I'm utterly confused about a statistician who can't get published. We fall over ourselves in academic medicine to find & employ competent statisticians. Bit of number crunching they could get published constantly. Able statisticians are like flipping gods in the science collaborations I've worked in.

I'm not a fan of data analysts & scientists right now, but that's because a few loud data scientists keep pronouncing nutty stuff relevant to infectious disease epidemiology. I'm sure there are clever ones who stay appropriately in their actual knowledge boundaries.