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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have initially been mortified but now a bit annoyed by call from school?

927 replies

8bitgame · 10/02/2021 11:22

I've named changed for this as it will be outing.

DS is 9. He is home schooling with lessons over Zoom.

This morning he had connection issues with Zoom - getting kicked out, camera freezing etc. I had to sign him back in a few times and he showed me that the video feed of his teacher kept freezing up and going very blocky. He commented that she looked like an 8 bit game - as in an old computer game where the graphics were pixel blocks.

About 30 minutes after his morning Zoom finished I get a call from the Head Teacher at the school. She is far from happy and it transpires that unbeknown to me DS had repeated his comment in the class discussion chat channel. He was saying he was having connection problems and then wrote "Miss X looks like an 8 bit game".

The teacher and then the Head have read this as him saying that Miss X looks like and 8 out of 10 and looks "a bit game".

I was mortified and explained this is of course not what he meant and that he was referring to the connection problems and the video feed being blocky and pixelated - like the graphics on an 8 bit game. Head was slightly mollified but still very stern and angry and I got a bit of a telling off. I apologised profusely and then had a chat with DS about not commenting on people's appearance and only using the group chat for stuff about work.

But now I've reflected I feel a bit put out as he hadn't really done anything wrong, he was commenting about his connection issues which were preventing him seeing the lesson and he's bloody 9 years old so who would read that in the way the school did??

AIBU to think it's a bit of a strange way to read that in that way and once they had the explanation maybe the tone could have changed a bit as he really hasn't done anything wrong?

I appreciate he could have found a better way to explain the connection issues and they might not be au fait with retro gaming but the only comms channel open to him was the chat feed he used and he's 9 so not always the best at explaining things.

When I told the Head he was having connection issues as were a lot of the class she said she didn't believe anyone else was (implying he was messing about and didn't have problems) WIBU to send a screenshot of the class discussion where several children were saying it had frozen and / or they had been kicked out and AIBU to think they've jumped to a bit of a conclusion here and gone a bit OTT especially by not backing down or changing the tone once it had been explained?

It feels like he's in a lot of trouble for something that is largely a misunderstanding on their part.

OP posts:
AStudyinPink · 10/02/2021 13:17

He was commenting on how the picture looked ffs

He was commenting on how the teacher looked ffs.

It’s just not appropriate.

“The picture is fuzzy” would be fine. He didn’t need the comedy.

borntohula · 10/02/2021 13:17

Hope his teacher is on here!

SleepingStandingUp · 10/02/2021 13:18

@AStudyinPink

They misunderstood the comment but your child shouldn’t be commenting on how the teacher looks at all.
But it wasn't about her physical appearance per se was it, it was about the screen image. So yes miss looks pretty, miss looks ugly etc not ok. But commenting on the pixelation of the screen by describing her image as looking like an 8 pixel whatever isn't the same
AStudyinPink · 10/02/2021 13:18

Good thing he wasn't then

His comment said “The teacher looks like...” so yes, he was.

MistressoftheDarkSide · 10/02/2021 13:18

Have read the whole thread with my mind boggling and a profound feeling of gratitude that my offspring are in their 20s and I have no clue about any of this stuff - hats off to the good humoured parents and children, and hopefully teachers not losing their minds right now. I'm totally tech phobic but even I know about the 8 bit thing, my gaming experience is limited to Gardenscapes!

On another note, I got A's at O level in English Lit and Lang, and I just had to Google fronted adverbials..... never too old to learn eh?

AStudyinPink · 10/02/2021 13:19

But it wasn't about her physical appearance per se was it, it was about the screen image.

I understand. It was still a comment on how she looked on the screen. It was still intended (I can only feel) to raise a laugh.
It’s not appropriate. It’s not the end of the world, but it’s not something to encourage at all.

borntohula · 10/02/2021 13:20

@AStudyinPink

He was commenting on how the picture looked ffs

He was commenting on how the teacher looked ffs.

It’s just not appropriate.

“The picture is fuzzy” would be fine. He didn’t need the comedy.

I think a sense of humour is important, personally. His comment was not about his teacher's physical appearance and you know it.
AStudyinPink · 10/02/2021 13:20

He was saying he was having connection problems and then wrote "Miss X looks like an 8 bit game".

And he was speaking about her, not even to her. Clearly bad manners.

MedusasBadHairDay · 10/02/2021 13:20

@AStudyinPink

He was commenting on how the picture looked ffs

He was commenting on how the teacher looked ffs.

It’s just not appropriate.

“The picture is fuzzy” would be fine. He didn’t need the comedy.

He was commenting on the screen being pixelated like an 8 bit game, not fuzzy. Given 8 bit is a lot easier to type,I can see why a 9 year old didn't use the more technical term.
LolaSmiles · 10/02/2021 13:21

He was commenting on how the teacher looked ffs.
It’s just not appropriate.
“The picture is fuzzy” would be fine. He didn’t need the comedy
It's totally fine.

There's so many technical glitches with online learning that it's not the end of the world for a student to make light of it.

I'm a reasonably strict teacher and couldn't get myself worked up about this.

TheNortherner · 10/02/2021 13:21

Sounds like the head at my dcs achool total dictatorial supercillious cow

AStudyinPink · 10/02/2021 13:22

He was commenting on the screen being pixelated like an 8 bit game, not fuzzy. Given 8 bit is a lot easier to type,I can see why a 9 year old didn't use the more technical term.

He said “Miss X looks like...” to his friends. Not “the screen is fuzzy”. It’s bad manners. Anyone who thinks they’d say something similar about a colleague (not a good friend) and not risking offending them also has bad manners.

AStudyinPink · 10/02/2021 13:23

I'm a reasonably strict teacher and couldn't get myself worked up about this.

I’m not worked up. I don’t think it’s totally fine, though, I think it’s bad manners and would challenge it.

Quartz2208 · 10/02/2021 13:23

@8bitgame I know now when it is a very odd computer robot voice that it is coming.

He sounds a lot like my one!

C8H10N4O2 · 10/02/2021 13:23

find it interesting that many posters are saying to just let it go, given the school was so offended, it went from 0-60 in practically no time

Astonishing speed of reporting to head, head calling parent at a time when schools are juggling home kids, school kids, staff's kids and 50 million changes a day from dear Gav.

All quite incredible.

AStudyinPink · 10/02/2021 13:24

I think a sense of humour is important, personally. His comment was not about his teacher's physical appearance and you know it.

I don’t think people owe you a sense of humour when you make comments about them. You don’t know what others are going to find funny versus disruptive. I would find this disruptive and bad manners. And I know it.

SleepingStandingUp · 10/02/2021 13:25

@AStudyinPink

He was commenting on the screen being pixelated like an 8 bit game, not fuzzy. Given 8 bit is a lot easier to type,I can see why a 9 year old didn't use the more technical term.

He said “Miss X looks like...” to his friends. Not “the screen is fuzzy”. It’s bad manners. Anyone who thinks they’d say something similar about a colleague (not a good friend) and not risking offending them also has bad manners.

Why would you be offended at being told you look like an 8 bit game if you knew the person was having computer glitches? Do you think it reflects on how they see you normally? Are you so insecure that you can't tolerate a comment that obviously isn't about your actual face but about its presentation on a dodgy screen?
MedusasBadHairDay · 10/02/2021 13:25

@AStudyinPink

He was commenting on the screen being pixelated like an 8 bit game, not fuzzy. Given 8 bit is a lot easier to type,I can see why a 9 year old didn't use the more technical term.

He said “Miss X looks like...” to his friends. Not “the screen is fuzzy”. It’s bad manners. Anyone who thinks they’d say something similar about a colleague (not a good friend) and not risking offending them also has bad manners.

The screen wasn't fuzzy, it was pixelated, the two look very different. Also it's quite normal for only moving objects on screen to actually be pixelated, the static background may well have been fine. So perhaps only the teacher was pixelated.
borntohula · 10/02/2021 13:25

@AStudyinPink

have also spoken to ds at length about commenting on people’s appearances on the off chance, he had confirmed his teacher is not a solid 8 and a bit game, she is in fact a 3.5 most days, rising to a 5 on the day ofsted inspected and she made a bit more effort. His dad also agreed shes far from “game”

What has the teacher done to deserve this nasty misogyny, even as a joke?

Sorry to keep picking on your comments but have you seen the 'Matt Hancock is attractive' thread. Would you describe all that as misandry or does that not really bother you? Maybe no one should ever comment on anyone's appearance ever tbh.
Lastbonestanding · 10/02/2021 13:25

I have neve complained to our school. I would complain about this. How dare they imply your child is making derogatory sexual comments about the teacher and then not apologise when the misunderstandng is explained. They have been very rude.

AStudyinPink · 10/02/2021 13:26

SleepingStandingUp

I’m not even going to bother engaging with attacks on my level of personal security. It’s bad manners. I didn’t say it would offend me.

Anyway, I’ve expressed what I think and will leave it at that.

SleepingStandingUp · 10/02/2021 13:27

Op I would message.

A "further too...."
Include screen shots to confirm that several children were struggling with connection issues and your child was not messing around, however you have spoken to him about only direct answers to the teacher should be on the chat (or whatever the rule is) and you would appreciate confirmation that she has talked to the teacher and they are both satisfied that your child was not using sexually inappropriate language towards any one

GlacindaTheTroll · 10/02/2021 13:27

How on earth would a 9yo have come across a type of game that went out with the ark, let alone belong to a class where they all know.

Methinks something has become a teensy bit exaggerated

Whatisthisfuckery · 10/02/2021 13:27

I would feel rather pissed off if I was accused of making a sexually inappropriate comment when I absolutely hadn’t, just because your DS is a child and these are teachers doesn’t mean he or you shouldn’t be pissed off.

Honestly, I would be writing an email saying that I’m incredibly insulted and offended at the conclusion they jumped to.It’s not even as if it was ambiguous FFS. All that needed to happen is for the teacher to privately ask your DS what the comment meant if she was unsure.

I’m not one for accusing people of being over sensetive, especially where potential sexualised behaviour is concerned, but this is taking the piss.

8bitgame · 10/02/2021 13:28

@GlacindaTheTroll - 8 bit games are very "in" right now. As many PPs with similar aged children have said on this thread.

OP posts: