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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To work full time with a nine month old?

81 replies

wavysnails · 10/02/2021 06:12

I do have the option of not going back, but I’m worried about the long term ramifications of this.

Will it just put unbearable pressure on the family or is it actually not that bad?

OP posts:

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 10/02/2021 06:18

Is this because there is a pandemic and you can’t use your planned childcare? Or is this because you don’t have it want to use childcare?
If it’s the former then you’ll get by as you have to. I have 2 older children and it’s bloody hard work. In the first lockdown when nurseries were closed I only coped as I had a supportive work place and husband but I was stressed and cried most days.
If it’s the latter what does your workplace think? No way this would be acceptable to my workplace and they’ve been great throughout the pandemic.

Redrose8701 · 10/02/2021 06:20

Don’t do it! So tiny. More to life than working yourself stressed

WineInTheWillows · 10/02/2021 06:20

Hang on, is this a general question about going back or will you be working from home in charge of a nine month old due to COVID?

If the former, it'll be fine. If the latter, try and get some childcare in place.

Ostryga · 10/02/2021 06:22

I went back full time when Dd was 10 months, it was absolutely fine. To me, keeping my career going whilst parenting was very important. I didn’t want to take years off and fuck myself when I did go back.

What are you worried about most? Commute? Childcare? Not enough time?

user1493413286 · 10/02/2021 06:26

I went back to work full time when DD was 18 months; having done 4 days at first and it’s doable but it’s incredibly tiring. I don’t think I’d do it unless I really didn’t have a choice.

Nowthereistwo · 10/02/2021 06:27

I found that the children need you more once they are at school to help with home work, reading and dinner at a reasonable time.

I went to work full time 9-5.30 when they were at nursery, but now they are at school I work 9-4 so I can pick them up from after school club.

Original poster

wavysnails · 10/02/2021 06:28

No Idontgiveagriffindamn I mean work after having a baby? Sorry I think we are at cross purposes.

Most worried about feeling like I never see DC and never see DH!

OP posts:

AmIBeingTwatty · 10/02/2021 06:36

Don’t do it

shouldistop · 10/02/2021 06:37

Is it possible to reduce your hours?

Original poster

wavysnails · 10/02/2021 06:39

No unfortunately should. Childcare costs are pretty eye watering and ironically may prove prohibitive to going back! But there’s a longer term consideration too.

OP posts:

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 10/02/2021 06:41

Then 2 things:
Firstly is your employer ok with this? They’re paying you to work and not to look after your child. And don’t fool yourself that it won’t impact your work. Your child will come first.
Secondly they won’t be 9 months old very long and later stages can be more challenging. Snow shut nursery the other day and working with a 2 year old who wanted to be entertained and how was trying to play with the laptop keyboard was challenging. Again my workplace was really supportive but that’s because of exceptional circumstances

PlugUgly1980 · 10/02/2021 06:41

I did it! Far easier to do it now when they're babies and can go to nursery full time (and by that I mean private nurseries which open 7:30-18:00) than when they start School and you have the joy of juggling breakfast club, after school club, needing to get them to hobbies / sports on this night or that and sorting out all the school holiday (and now home schooling!) I went back full time when both mine were 9 months through choice and don't regret it. I got a cleaner, do online shopping, etc to make everything else as easy as possible so my time as home is spent with the kids rather than doing chores.

Original poster

wavysnails · 10/02/2021 06:43

Oh. You’re just being goady. Never mind

Thanks plug, my job is actually term time only which is another reason I’d like to keep it open if possible.

OP posts:

PlugUgly1980 · 10/02/2021 06:43

The only thing to remember is that they will pick up every illness going for months when they first start. Thankfully I had an understanding employer but I swear I had weeks to begin with where nursery were asking me to pick up early for temperatures, we had colds, chicken pox, etc so that was probably the hardest part and something no one prepared me for!

Parkandride · 10/02/2021 06:44

Thsts my plan post mat leave, DH will take the last 3 months as shared leave.
I can arrange my own diary, work flexibly and don't have a killer commute so I'm not worried. Many women go back at 9 months for a host of reasons and do fine.
Going part time would mean cramming more work into less time and probably picking up more house crap. I'd rather be earning my full salary.

CaughtInTheCovid · 10/02/2021 06:45

Covid aside of course there’s nothing wrong with working FT after children. Is this your first baby? You will feel guilt whatever you do. My two have thrived in nursery (part time from 7 months and a year) we have a wonderful bond but I also love my career I spent a long time working in and enjoy my own life. Do what’s best for you and your family.

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 10/02/2021 06:45

Sorry I think I’ve misinterpreted this. You want to go back to work and put your child in childcare.
I did twice.
It worked fine. We spend lots of quality time together in the evenings and weekends. And I don’t feel burnt out by looking after children all week

SpiderinaWingMirror · 10/02/2021 06:45

Will it be hard? Yes.
Worth it? Probably yes.

Frenchdressing · 10/02/2021 06:45

I went back full time when mine were 6 months old. It was fine.

AhNowTed · 10/02/2021 06:48

There are long term considerations, not just the immediate cost of childcare.

You're investing in your career and the baby won't be a baby for too long.

Both my children were with a (marvellous) childminder at 3 months. We couldn't afford for one of us to stay at home, and I valued my career, progression and earning potential.

The key is your DH needs to do their fair share of drop offs, and sickness cover.

But yes of course it can be done. Millions do so.

shouldistop · 10/02/2021 06:48

If it's term time only then I'd go for it, you'll have plenty o

shouldistop · 10/02/2021 06:49

of time with the baby and you really want to keep a term time job for when they're at school

Pleaseaddcaffine · 10/02/2021 06:50

Childminders do term time only. I went back to work fulltime when ds was 6mths old as needs must. It was hard but fine.

lifestooshort123 · 10/02/2021 06:51

My daughter had to go back to work at 6 months old and used a brilliant private nursery - she is a single mum and I was back up for sick days and emergencies. Do you have someone who would do that for you? She never regretted it and now has a career and a sociable, eat-anything 12-yr old. How do you cope with stress, do you fret if the washing piles up, will you be having another child which might affect your decision? Decide on your priorities and do what's best for you.

Pluckedpencil · 10/02/2021 06:51

I went back full time at one year. It was fine...hard but fine. I was still pretty much exclusively breastfeeding up until that point too but even that worked itself out pretty quick with the childminder. O bad a lovely childminder who was a friend and that made all the difference. You have to feel happy about who you are leaving them with. In these days of nursery closures I would definitely be opting for a childminder at the moment as well!!

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