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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just not have the emotional energy to do anything?

107 replies

user143677433 · 07/02/2021 13:57

I just don’t want to do anything. I’ve spent the weekend mooching around the house, but keep gravitating back to the bed. The kids and DH occasionally ask me to join in something or come to tell me something, and I join in or listen but then go back to lying on the bed. We went for a walk yesterday, which was OK, but then when we came back I just didn’t really do anything. I keep thinking of things I feel I should want to do, but I don’t want to.

I can’t even get together the mental energy to read. A lot of the time I’m just staring at the ceiling.

I’m basically just waiting for, but definitely not looking forward to, starting work again on Monday, closing the door to my study for 10-14 hrs of back to back zoom calls. All week will be the same, and I’ll count down the days to the weekend, but then at the weekend I will just wait for Monday again.

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 07/02/2021 22:49

I can do 2 things. Work and watch Netflix.

And I consider myself lucky to be able to do that after a year of this crap HmmSad

If this goes on much longer I'm going to struggle to do then that ^^

Norwayreally · 07/02/2021 22:52

I feel the same way. I remember how I almost found the first lockdown last spring exciting to begin with. Everyone was watching Tiger King, we all discovered zoom, most people were painting rainbows and baking banana bread, the weather was warm so we all utilised our gardens and walks seemed enjoyable. Also found homeschooling exciting to begin with, I loved buying new books and finding new online resources for my DC.

This time around I think the novelty has just gone. Also think the fact we had everything handed back to us during summer then had it snatched away again hasn’t helped. Plus the weather and the fact it’s so dark constantly. I just miss really boring, normal things like sitting in coffee shops or going into a supermarket without a mask and endless distanced queues.

Kljnmw3459 · 07/02/2021 22:58

I'm mainly just bored. I'm so bored that I can't even think of anything except how bored I am. I'm bored of the same thing day in day out, week after week. But I still try to get excited about stuff. Finding a new place to go with the kids. New funny clip from YouTube.new podcast.

All I really just want is to have a bit more fun. See people. Go somewhere fun, not another walk.

hamstersarse · 07/02/2021 23:02

I’ve got the Sunday dread x 10000

The thought of sitting in my home office on bloody Teams meetings all day, trying to muster any shits to give, makes me want to down a quart of vodka

floofycroissant · 07/02/2021 23:04

I can relate! There's an inertia that comes from not having anything on the horizon to strive for or work towards. The repetative monotony is draining both mentally and physically.

Brandnewbrighttomorrow · 07/02/2021 23:05

We’ve just had a total nothing weekend and I’m not even looking forward to half term as we can’t go anywhere. Husband is stressed through the roof with work then spends the weekend either like a zombie staring at the TV or moaning that he’s bored but not making any attempt to think of anything that would break the monotony. All I’m doing is keeping everyone fed and supporting the kids home schooling while trying to do my (volunteer) work around the edges of everyone’s needs. Agree completely fed up with this now.

Wide · 07/02/2021 23:11

It's like I feel guilty for saying these things and worry it could be alot worse and oh poor us but I said to my dh in life you have a range of emotions and feelings but we have got what it's like to feel excitement or giddyness or fun, you try to imagine the future but there are no plans, even if you can say to yourself it will end it doesn't feel real. It is hard to get motivated, all I do is eat, even my poor daughter who is 9 seems to have lost motivation, what is there to do, how else can I entertain the family when nobody including myself has any new ideas because we don't do anything? We go on walks but they are muddy and freezing. The dc do homeschooling on screens, then they get off to have their own relax tine and that is also on screens, so constant screens it feels like! Everything is flat. My dc are not phased or worried about corona so that is good but I asked my dd9 if she misses cinemas, parties, seeing friends etc as she hasn't once complained and she said well no because I am used to life being like this now and not doing anything else. It truly is sad and I can't help but feel that everyone has sacrificed for the elderely when the people at risk could have shielded until the jab and people less at risk could have carried on abit more normal, I'm sorry I know how selfish that sounds and I feel awful because people are going through so much worse

KimchiLaLa · 07/02/2021 23:12

Same. I just can't be bothered. I feel like I've made everything to make with DD, we've read every book, done loads of walks and watched way too much TV. I'm over it and need something new. I feel like I should be getting more joy from my family and I'm not.

mimi0708 · 07/02/2021 23:12

I completely feel this way OP, just feeling tired and emotionally exhausted. I dread weekends at the moment as there is just nothing to do (I have a DD aged 3), at least on weekdays I have this course I am studying for at the minute so I can keep myself occupied and DD is at nursery. At first lockdown we did okay but now I'm just so tired of trying to think of new exciting stuff to do. I'm so bored of going for a walk or to the park plus it's so cold. Just want to stay in bed or binge watch stuff or sleep really. Nothing much to look forward to :(

Strangely I suddenly feel very claustrophobic like the whole world is closing in on me or like it's crashing on me and I feel trapped in the house, to the point that I am finding it hard to breathe sometimes!

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 07/02/2021 23:13

I'm utterly exhausted
I feel utterly trapped and beyond weary
I can't bear the thought of work tomorrow

Babyroobs · 07/02/2021 23:30

@Ihatemyseleffordoingthis

I'm utterly exhausted I feel utterly trapped and beyond weary I can't bear the thought of work tomorrow
I normally love my job but last week was a huge struggle to get through, I just had no motivation for anything. Hoping my boss doesn't pick up on how I'm feeling.
Justgivemeamoment · 07/02/2021 23:41

Yes yes yes. Scary how many people are feeling this. But so good to know I'm not alone !

First lockdown wasn't too bad for me, it all felt like a good pause in our busy lives. I loved home schooling and our little projects and being with my DDs. Second lockdown I cried a lot. Third time round I'm just bored of everything. Schoolwork, kids, cooking, zoom, jigsaws, walking. Not going anywhere. Not seeing anyone. Not having anything to look forward to.

Misty9 · 07/02/2021 23:47

Yep, totally feeling this. I work out of the house but can't focus on reading, can't be bothered to do all the self improving things I could be doing, and just grind to a halt quite frequently. Spending more and more time on here too... Blush

There's an evolutionary theory of depression which suggests that when the situation is unpropitious - that is, we feel changing it is out of our control - then our brain just sort of shuts down. Until the situation changes. There's no point expending energy because it won't change the situation. This lockdown very much feels never ending.

I think the advice to just try and look after ourselves as much as possible is good. See it as resting, so that we're ready when life opens up again. We feel shit because it is shit. And that's okay (to feel that way).

dotdotdotdash · 08/02/2021 00:17

Thanks OP and everyone; good to know it’s not just me feel utterly apathetic. I spent most of the day in bed!

Sounds like you are working long hours OP - can you scale it back at all? And FilthofFirth and all of you with toddlers and babies - take it a step at a time - I wish we could take the load off you a bitX

colouringindoors · 08/02/2021 00:33

Misty9 that makes sense and I think you're right, the best we can do is try and look after ourselves as best we can.

SylviasMotherSaid · 08/02/2021 00:44

Feel the same as everyone else and just done no interest in anything tired of having nothing to say and nothing to look forward to . The one thing that gets me through is my pup .

chilling19 · 08/02/2021 01:16

Karmache - oh yes 😩

InvincibleInvisibility · 08/02/2021 06:34

I agree with everything PP have said.

Things that have helped me:
Antidepressants since October.

Getting some excellent page turner books for Christmas. Unfortunately I realised that they didn't help me sleep well so once Id finished them I started reading Agatha Christie. Its well written, not dramatic but comforting. No gorey description. I force myself to get off MN and read and feel better.

Focusing on homemade food for me and Dc, both meals and snacks. Cleaning etc isnt a priority but I do feel better knowing DC are eating well.

Occasionally having a day doing nothing dor anyone except feeding them. I used to feel guilty. My mum told me I obviously needed to rest.

Exercise. Hard to motivate myself but DH loves exercise so I force myself to do it and feel better afterwards.

Planning the summer holidays. Was incredibly hard to do this year as so apathetic. But we've chosen where to go (this country so less risk of cancellation) and have booked the holiday homes.

Getting rid of 3 pairs of tatty, non fitting joggers and only wearing my other 3 pairs which fit and are nice. Comfy but don't feel tatty

InvincibleInvisibility · 08/02/2021 06:36

Last one. Forcing the family to play one board game together every other day or so. The DC are having loads more screens than usual but enjoy the games when forced.

Also we play Mario kart of mario party once or twice a weekend with the DC. Not my favourite activity but it gets us engaged as a family.

Frazzlefrazle · 08/02/2021 06:56

I feel exactly the same. Just a whole load of nothingness. My kids sit on screens the whole time and if I try and get them off there seems nothing else to do. The constant stream of no differential feelings is making me feel like I'm just moving my body through one day to the next. I had a cry to my husband yesterday and he said he is the same too which is unlike him, I think we are all just existing at the moment.

InvincibleInvisibility · 08/02/2021 07:19

Feeling nothing is a sign of depression I think. Thats what alerted me when DC were younger (nearly 2 and 5). I just no longer seemed to feel anything when they fell and cried. When they cut themselves or whatever. I faked concern but felt...nothing.

I was teetering on the edge of a burnout woth work and non sleeping DC. Antidepressants and changing jobs sorted it out for me but of course the while problem at the moment is nothing changes.

Does anyone else feel like every day is the same and you can't remember what happened when?

speaksofty · 08/02/2021 07:28

I feel the same. Things that made me feel better:

Painting each others portraits - all I had to do is sit there and paint so energy levels were not depleted too much, and it was worth it for the laughs we had at the end

Morning baths with bubbles seem to put me in a self care mood at the very start of the day. An indulgence I have never ever done before

A skip and chucking out the rubbish and decluttering the house has had a strangely healing effect

Hygge game was effortless, you sit and ask questions to each other, but it does feel like an activity at least, and was quite enlightening once we got into it.

Playing heart FM and all the cheery songs

Accepting that at this time the emptiness is what it is, I am not forcing anything now. If we don't want to walk, we don't walk. If we don't to play another boardgame, we don't play. If we need a day in bed, we have one.

Some people in sleepy rural France live like this all of the time so I found out when we lived there. Our lockdown hell is their reality day in and day out. That reminded me that our vibrant lives will come back, and stronger than ever hopefully in a matter of weeks.

FredaFox · 08/02/2021 07:33

I didn’t get dressed yesterday, didn’t shower or brush my teeth
I got up, helped my mum get up, came back to my room and lay on my bed watching Netflix, fell asleep
Last week was a struggle at work, I feel like my manager is favouring a colleague over me, she is already over confident and tries to tell me what to do despite me being more senior, any call we have she takes over and makes it about her. My confidence is dropping and I just can fight it the same
Not felt this low in ages, got a hiit class shortly with some other colleagues and can’t be bothered but have to play the game
Better get up though, not brushing my teeth yesterday means my mouth feels horrible today

Edenspirits · 08/02/2021 07:34

A lack of emotional energy is the best way I have heard this described - I feel the same. I try to get outside every day in between work etc and that is all I can manage at the moment

ByeByeMissAmericanPie · 08/02/2021 07:43

@Misty9 - that’s an interesting point about our minds shutting down. It certainly bears out on this thread!

I took up meditation during the first lockdown and have continued it since. Not every day. Probably 3-4 times a week. It helps me keep calm, head down, one foot in front of the other. Don’t look up too much.

Tbh, meditation is about the only thing I can focus on for longer than 10 minutes. Concentration is awful.